Tokusatsu Review: Ressha Sentai Toqger Vs Kyoryuger The Movie Part 1: Valiant Vision.

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 This movie is going to be a problem, as you may or may not know I have, well a definitive opinion of Toqger. But I don't want to look like a psychotic lunatic describing my feelings about Toqger, so I will leave my good friend Silky Johnson, a true trained and learned hater to give my feelings about the 38th Super Sentai.

 A true hater; one that I hope and fear will become someday. But I've gone on record long enough about my hatred of these unimaginative morons; time to talk about their predecessors; Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger. They're the strongest braves in history who fought against the Deboss army, an army of monsters that caused the extermination of the Dinosaurs millions of years ago. In the modern day they tried to revive their master Deboss by gathering emotional energy from people. I think Kyoryuger was an okay series, but the complaints I have with it are pretty much the same as everyone else, too much focus on Daigo especially when this team had a roster of TEN RANGERS that the extra development could have gone to but it wasn't because reasons, way too much explosions (thank you Sakamoto) and the show in general was a bit too goofy for my taste.

 I'll get into this more when I decide to talk about the first eight episodes of Kyoryuger's adaptation Power Rangers Dino Charge but I'm definitely liking Dino Charge more then Kyoryuger. So for right now let's see how these two teams mix and if I have to hurl afterwords from digesting the concoction. We open in space where Lady, a character from Toqger's other movie "Galaxy Line SOS" (also I see the Thomas the Tank Engine reference you made by naming her "Lady" nice try) reports to the Rainbow line that a Galaxy Line station has been attacked by a mass of green energy and both are on a collision course with the earth. So our army of Tom Hanks wannabees transform and head to the crash site to see what exactly caused the station to crash, discovering Zorimas and Cambrimas the foot solders and elite foot solders of the Deboss army emerging from the green energy seeping from the crashed station. The team tries to fight them off but their attack do jack all against them. Kagura is about to be killed by a Zorima until a certain duo shows up.

Yep the return of Daigo (Kyoryu Red) and Amy (Kyoryu Pink)

 The two veterans easily take care of the goons while Tokatti and Kagura wonder who they are. Um you two should know at least half of that question since, oh wait that movie never happened never mind. The two then get saved by Nossan (Kyoryu Blue) from the grunt, but not from his puns.

 Yep, Nossan absolutely loves these word puns, at least the guys at Tv Nihon did the translations as best as they could and explained what this highball joke was so it didn't go completely over our heads. But still just because I have to, here's the clip just out of principal.

 Mio then gets saved by Ian (Kyoryu Black) while Souji (Kyoryu Green) one of the least developed characters in Kyoryuger saves Hikari, my favorite Toqger and who I think is the real leader of the group. As the Kyoryugers do their literally explosive introduction they inadvertently pull a Ziggy from RPM and catch the Toqgers in their back explosion sending them flying. HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, eh that's just plain old fashioned funny for several reasons, not the least of which showing how incompetent the Toqgers are. Hell the first 15 minutes of this movie seems to be dedicated to doing just that, and I am more then happy with that. Yeah I know the cardinal rule of any team up is to not make one faction look better then the other, but if the one that looks bad is Toqger I soooooooooooooo don't care. So while the train twits lick their burn marks the Kyoryugers clean house with the grunts.

Right, why is it that almost every time you open your mouth you say something stupid?

 The Kyoryugers try to get to the station but are stopped by a green force field. Unfortunately like the Kyoryuger series itself the other members of the team search for a way to break the shield leaving Daigo to get all of the character interaction with the Toqgers. Really? The rest of the team didn't think to ask the Toqgers what they know about the situation and compare notes to hopefully find out what caused this; especially since this is tied into their group and network of allies? Oh wait there goes me and my logic again. Yeah why would we want to see the primary members of this team up bounce off of each other and get interesting character interactions based off of how different and similar they are?

 Who would want to watch that? Heh heh, oy vey. Anyway after Daigo shows off his new haircut the Toqgers start asking Daigo questions which Conductor wants answered immediately and brings them on the trains so Daigo can explain it all. Also, yes Daigo can see and board the trains, because he has imagination.

 Sorry but I have to do that everytime Toqger mentions Imagination, yeah that part still pisses me off and you should too. After more dialogue that causes brain tumors with every period Daigo explains that the station was brought down by Devius, the being responsible for creating Deboss and thus the Deboss army. Speaking of which Devius' henchman; Salamas is meeting with Zett and the rest of the Shadow Line to ask for help keeping the two Sentai teams off his back while Devius gains a physical form.

Wait a minute, this looks familiar. Oh god Devius is a Pillar Man! This might explain what happened to Kars after Joseph sent him into space. He got sent through a worm hole into this universe, was converted into a mass of energy and using his powers as the Ultimate Life form, created Deboss as a means to conquer the universe!

 And in exchange they'll help Zett kill the Toqgers. Zett agrees and decides to loan Salamas a Shadow Kaijin. Salamas thanks Zett by kissing his robe which caused Morc to attack him for stepping out of line. After hearing the situation from Daigo the Toqgers offer their help but Daigo refuses pointing out how their weapons and attacks were useless against the grunts. He also senses something about them, something childish that he doesn't want to put in danger. Daigo then does a dine and dash as he JUMPS OUT OF THE MOVING TRAIN AND LANDS WITHOUT A SCRATCH! Right, not one to listen to reason, sound advice or anything that doesn't come from his own noise hole decides that they're going to fight Devius anyway, even though they know that their weapons and attacks can't hurt him and his creations.

 While everyone tries to keep Right under control we cut to Utchy (Kyoryu Gold) waiting for Daigo at the train station. Our movie exclusive monster shows up with some Kuros; the Shadow Line's foot solders and after a silly little exchange Utchy tries to fight off the forces.

The decorated decorum devoted dunce in the middle is Clock Shadow.

 However just like when the Toqgers couldn't hurt the Deboss grunts with their weapons, Utchy's sword can't cut it with the Shadow Line grunts either. Thankfully the other Toqger that I can stand, Akira shows up to help Utchy fend off the Kuros. After a pointless scene of Right making a right ass out of himself we cut back to the fight where Clock Shadow starts, well pretending he's a clock striking 12, Akira warns Utchy to run and not listen to him sing, Utchy of course refuses to run, the Toqgers then show up and Clock Shadow starts singing again forcing Akira to summon the Build Ressha to get them all to retreat. Clock Shadow orders the Kuros to go after them, when a certain group of gaudy Ninjas show up, and no one of them isn't Pierre Kirby; it's the Ninningers. Yep as is tradition now with these crossover movies we get a preview/showcase of the next seasons Sentai, though they usually come in near the end of the movie.

 So yeah this an odd change of pace but a good one in my opinion. So for the next five minutes we get the Ninningers destroying all the Kuros and chasing Clock Shadow off, but not before he summons a Kurainer to squash them. Instead of summoning their Otomo Nin they instead use a Nin Shuriken that they just pulled out of their ass (so far not sure if this will actually be introduced in the show as of 5/6/15) to shrink the Kurainer to human size so they can finish it off with their finishing attack.

"Dad, the movie's talking to me again" "I'll fire up the electroshock machine."

 After Deadpool found his new targets for stealing his schtick we cut back to the Toqgers who have now been turned into kids, or rather restored to normal. As for Utchy, well.....

BABY!

 Yeah it turns out that Clock Shadow has the ability to age regress a person; the longer they listen to his clock impression the farther back they go. Wait hold on, the longer the victim is exposed to the effects the younger they become. The one who has this power is weird, malicious and works for a guy who is viewed as the embodiment of pure evil.

 OH GOD GET AWAY! The fact that Clock Shadows voice actor Masaya Onosaka is also the voice actor for Alessi does not help matters at all, in fact the little voice in my head is telling me that this casting choice and Clock Shadow's powers was made as an intentional reference. Ugh anyway Akira says that Clock Shadow's powers don't work on other Shadows and that's why he's fine. With the Toqgers occupied with Chibichi the Kyoryugers are trying to get to Devius, with no success, Daigo then summons Gabutyra to take a crack at it, however Kurainers show up to reinforce the barrier with darkness, so even with Gabutyra they can't get in. Akira calls the Kyoryugers to show them what happened to Utchy and the Toqgers.

GET IT?! Yeah I can't honestly believe they went there.

 Ugh this whole review is getting squicky. What makes me feel even more uncomfortable is the fact that RIGHT of all people comes to the realization that the team's respective powers don't work on the other teams enemies. So for Devius to be stopped both teams have to work together. Clock Shadow shows up with an army of Kuros, Zorimas and Cambrimas. The Kyoryugers transform to protect the kids, however Right and the other kids can still transform and do so.

Couldn't we have these Toqgers instead?

 Now time for me to explain something about my hatred for Toqger. Everyone I've seen defending this show says that "they're kids in adult bodies what do you expect of course they're going to be annoying, kids are annoying." Yeah I get that but here's the thing, the show says that the team are kids in adult bodies, but for me, it comes off as the leads being adults that are acting like children, and there is a gigantic difference. We know that kids more often enough do indeed act like the Toqgers, but again the problem is that as far as we can tell Adults are acting like Children! Do you get where I'm coming from?

 But to be perfectly honest, for the rest of the movie where the Toqgers are kids, they are 1000 more tolerable for me. If the team from the start were portrayed by child actors this show would have fared far better in my eyes. I mean say what you will about Kou from Dairanger, Riki from Ohranger or Justin from Power Rangers Turbo at least when they were Rangers they were still kids in their civilian forms, you could have done what those shows or even Beetleborgs did, have the child actors and just have them grow to adult proportions when they transform, or even switch to more grown up voices while they're transformed so there won't be any scheduling conflicts with their schoolwork or whatever. Because from what little I've seen here these kids should have been the main heroes of the show, that change would have removed at least 50% of my rage at this show and make Right far more tolerable as a character, because this behavior is more tolerable from a kid then a grown ass adult. Also it seems that Right is acting more mature as a kid then he was as an adult. Okay, rant over.

YOU LEAVE THOSE CHILDREN ALONE YOU MONSTER!

I have Chris Hanson and I'm not afraid to use him.

 So the two teams on Right's suggestion swaps their power totems with their opposite number, the Toqgers give the Kyoryugers their Resshas and the Kyoryugers give their Zyudenchi batteries, with the totems inserted (somehow) into their respective devices the fight is on. Akira would have joined in on this but, well he still has Chibichi to look after. And the core swap worked, as the combined forces can hurt both groups of foot solders now.

OH GOD NOT THAT THING AGAIN!

 Great, that's just what this movie needed, the return of the unholy love child of Majin Buu and a dumpling. Long story go watch episode 15 to see the context behind this stupid looking abomination. So after, that the grunts are gone and all that's left is the mechanized Don Patch. Meanwhile the Shadow Line chew out Salamas for his plan going pear shaped. Salamas however lives up to his name and sets Castle Terminal on fire, yeah that part of Zetts cape he kissed? Yeah apparently that was him planing the "fuse" as it were for his pyrokinetic abilities. So he torches the place, steals some Kurainers and makes tracks. The two teams combine their powers to destroy Clock Shadow, but before he can grow Salamas steals the darkness and grows, fusing five Kuros with him to make,

THIS UNGODLY STUPID LOOKING THING!

 I mean come on, are you kidding me with this thing? Look I get what they were going for, mixing a train with a dragon. I know that dragons were often grouped together with Salamanders in European mythology and modern depictions of Salamanders often cast them as being associated with fire and I guess the producers wanted to mix the themes of the two villain groups together but come on!  There's mixing and matching and then there's taking two puzzle pieces from completely different sets and slamming them together until they kind of fit. So the teams summon their mechs, fire their lasers at Salamas, and they can't aim for crap. Salamas somehow manages to survive the initial assault so the team summon their strongest mechs ToQ Rainbow and Gigant Kyoryujin to destroy Salamas. With his destruction the Toqgers and Utchy grow to their adult forms again.

 However they're too late, Devius has awakened and just with a single laser blast nearly destroys both mechs forcing the teams to retreat. Next time we conclude this movie and I give my final thoughts.

Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Chappelle's Show is owned by Dave Chappelle, Comedy Central, MGM Television and Comedy Partners.
Batman: The Animated Series is owned by Dc Comics, Warner Brothers and Paul Dini.
Ultima IX: Ascension is owned by Electronic Arts, Origin Systems, and Richard Garriot AKA Lord British.
Deadfall is owned by Tristar Pictures and Christopher Coppola. 
The Tick: The Animated Series is propriety of  Hank Tucker, Sunbow Entertainment, Graz Entertainment, Fox Children’s Productions and Disney Media Distribution 
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is propriety of Hirohiko Araki, David Production, Tokyo MX, Warner Bros Entertainment and Viz Media. 
To Catch a Predator is owned by NBC Studios. 
Monty Python and the Holy Grail is owned by Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Python (Monty) Pictures and EMI films. 

Video Game Review: Persona Retrospective: Persona (PSP) Part 7: Red Roses.

In case anyone forgot our group has to find the Expel Mirror, but where is it? Well if anyone did some exploration in the beginning of the game they'd know it was on display at the historical society. Once they reached the Historical Society the group used the Old Bronze Key that they found near the statue of Jenifer Carrol to open the door. Inside they see a painting of the creature that was stalking them in the apartment building.

While they looked at this painting they wondered, why was it so determined to find them, what did it want? Why did looking at it give them such feelings of hatred, horror and revulsion?

 Wait, oops sorry wrong Historical Society, this one is far less terrifying, no they just go inside and find the mirror straight away. The mirror shows a hologram of the girl in white who tells them not to take the mirror. But since they have no other way to beat the subway guardian they have no choice but to take it. So they make their way through the tunnel and use the mirror to defeat the guardian Yog Sothoth Jr. Be warned if you go into this fight under leveled, under equipped and with weak Personas you might have more then a few problems with this guy. Luckily there's a Save point and Trish's spring near by before the boss room, all you have to do is hit him with Nuclear, Blast and Gravity spells, 1 handed weapon attacks and you should be fine. Just keep in mind that he likes to lower your teams attack and hit rate, inflict sleep and that his other spells have an area range and may inflict status effects and you should be okay. Once the thing that should not be is no more Aki will show up again for another taunting session and warn that she has another game set up for them. Once the group hits top side the only way to get to the rest of the east side of town is through a building called the black market. This place is evil, evil, evil, evil, evil! Once people step inside this place they become trapped by a spell cast by the boss of this place; the "Harem Queen" which means that nobody can leave unless she says so. But of course she isn't the type to let her playthings go that easily and nobody can ever leave so you have to find this queen at the bottom of her lair, the Karma Palace and kick her ass. Now this isn't too bad since all the stores and shops are still open inside the black market, including a hospital, a Satomi Tadashi, the Rosa Candida shop and an entrance to the Velvet Room so if you need some new equipment, now's the time to stock up and upgrade. Now the gang needs to gets some info on their new enemy so their first stop is the Peace Dinner, there they learn that this whole building is under the iron fisted rule of the Harem Queen who has apparently taken over the building in the last month where she forces her subjects to continuously praise her art work and serve her every whim. Once they get the info from the Diner's Master the gang heads off to the palace next to the casino. Be warned, this place is a maze and there are several powerful demons in this place so if you haven't powered up, you're going to be in a world of pain. But just because you're in a maze doesn't mean you shouldn't explore everything, in several rooms there are totems for fusing Personas so definitely get them. Once the gang reaches the 8th floor art gallery Maki notices that the displayed painting belongs to Chisato, Yosuke's girlfriend. They believe that the Queen has taken Chisato prisoner since everyone says that her painting is the Queens. But when the gang reaches the Queen's room they find out that Chisato is the Queen!

Yeah it turns out that Aki decided to give Chisato a magic mirror that grants any wish she makes on it. However she forgot to mention that whenever Chisato makes a wish on the mirror she gets; well a certain something on her face.
                                  
Which coupled with her anger towards Maki and her own low self-esteem drove her to go crazy and down the route of a narcissistic megalomaniac. Maki tries to reason with Chisato but she's not having it, even going so far as to say that the only reason why she even dated Yosuke in the first place was because she knew Maki liked him. And she just keeps going on and on about how everybody liked Maki more, they all loved her art more then hers even though she was prettier then her and.

EVERYTHING WAS BETTER ON MY EARTH!

 Yeah pretty much. Mark of course calls her out; figuring out why he didn't like her art, Chisato is ugly through and through and it's reflected in her art work. Nanjo pours more salt on the wounds saying that the only reason people praise her artwork is because they're scared to death of her. Mark then adds the cherry on top by summing up her artwork.
                           
Close enough. With that statement Chisato wishes with the mirror to teleport the bungholes out of her castle. So the true evil comes into the light, they have to go through the whole palace all over again just to get back to her.

Needless to say this place can go to hell on a golden chariot shaped like a toilet. So the gang then restock their supplies, equipment and get new Personas then they make their way back to the palace to confront Supergirl-Prime. Once they made it back to Chisato they find that she has even more moles then last time and is even more crazed. She asks Naoya to decide which is better, Maki's paintings or hers. To sway his opinion she then uses the mirror to turn Nanjo, Mark and Reiji to stone, she says that she'll change them back once Naoya says her paintings are better, but of course he says that Maki's are better because he won't be intimidated by someone like her. (Besides if you did say that her's was better the next fight will be more difficult. You may have your full party but the boss will have far more HP and stats then if you said no.) Aki then shows up to make things worse by saying that if she kills Naoya and the rest of the group she'll fix her face with no strings attached. So Chisato makes another wish on the mirror to give her the strength to kill Naoya and Maki. The Harem Queen shouldn't be too much of a problem, even with only Naoya and Maki, the only problem to worry about is her Petra Eye ability, which has a chance of turning a party member to stone, so bring some Dis-Stone items before you head down to the Karma Palace, she also has Dia, which she can use to heal herself a little bit, just stick to ice and Wind attacks and you should be fine. Once the Queen is knocked off her throne Aki pours salt in her wounds saying that she wouldn't fix Chisato's face even if she did kill them and all that Kandori thought of her as a guinea pig and a useless pawn and that "Even if Chisato loses she's not worth our trouble." They were just going to let Chisato live the rest of her life with a mole ridden face with the knowledge that she killed her best friend and her friends because of her jealousy and selfishness. Wow, that's just plain old fashioned cruel. Aki then teleports out laughing her ass off all the while. Maki, despite everything Chisato said and did is still going to try and help her; because she still considers Chisato a friend. Chisato then breaks down and says that everyone will hate her now. Maki says that isn't true and Yosuke teleports in (seriously) and confesses his love for her. And with that confession the mirror shatters, everyone is returned to normal and Chisato loses all the moles covering her face. Happy Endings for everyone!

Chisato tells the group that she knows that Aki lives in a castle. So next time it's time to raid Kandori's castle!

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Shin Megami Tensai Persona is owned by Atlus and Sega.
Silent Hill 2 is owned by Konami Computer Entertainment and Team Silent.
Austin Powers: Goldmember is owned by Gratitude International, Team Todd, Moving Pictures, and New Line Cinema.
Superboy-Prime is owned by DC Comics, Elliot S! Maggin ad Curt Swan (based off the original character created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. 
Beavis and Butthead is owned by MTV Networks and Mike Judge.
Deadfall is owned by Tristar Pictures and Christopher Coppola.
The Simpsons are owned by Matt Groening, Gracie Films, and 20th Century Fox Television. 

Tokusatsu Review Kamen Rider Taisen: Part 6: The end of pain?

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Where we last left off Fifteen was fighting against Wizard who uses his Bind spell to try and hold down Fifteen. Fifteen however switches to Wizard arms and easily breaks through it. Fourze backs up Wizard, however Fifteen just switches to Fourze arms and continues to pound the two, even with W and Decade the four Riders get smacked down by Fifteen, finishing them all at once by switching to Decade arms. Gaim calls out Fifteen, Fifteen decides to stop screwing around and switches to Gaim arms, to accept the final one on one fight. Porcupine-Roid is firing on several Riders, however Baron, Ryugun Kiwi arms and Zangetsu-Shin show up for a rematch.

Yeah, I'm keeping that spoiler to myself.

After that bit of hilarious hindsight the three Armored Riders over power Porcupine-Roid and destroy that rejected Predacon. Meanwhile the spirits of the dead are terrorizing the civilians, one of which decides to interrupt Faiz.

Nobody gives a shit about you, Kusaka!

But for some reason Faiz does. Skullasaurus in the mean time knocks out Gabutyra when, NO NO NO!

Yep; they show up. Ressha Sentai ToQuger. I, absolutely HATE THIS SERIES! I could go into further details, but to sum up at least 50% of my complaints of ToQuger, it would be because of this guy!

SHUT UP RIGHT, YOU STUPID JAPANESE JUSTIN BIEBER!

You ever have that one character that for some ungodly reason you cannot stand the sight off? Right is that guy for me. He is my Tidus, my Shinji Akari, my Lamar Davis, my Roman Bellic, my Chris Brown! Just the one character that for what ever reason whenever you see him, he just sends you into pure, unreasonable rage! You want to know why? Then just watch ToQuger to find out for yourself. Though at the time of this post ToQuger isn't over yet so I will wait until it's finished to give this show the beatdown it may or may not deserve. Anyway the ToQuger transform and summon their mech ToQ-Oh.

And the thing looks terrible.

One of my biggest complaints for ToQuger is that designs for the Heroes, from their suits to the majority of their Mechs looks horribly lazy, and for the the Sentai that is themed on "imagination" that is a very big problem. ToQ-Oh is just five trains lined up side by side. Now for this movie, the big bad, the Generalissimo of Badan do you think that he should be destroyed by the Kamen Riders, the enemy he's been trying to destroy and vice-versa? Nah, just give that honor to the Sentai members that only showed up at the last 20 minutes of the movie.

Anyway, while the ToQugers hold off the walking Jurassic Park logo we shift back to the fight between Gaim and Fifteen. Fifteen is of course giving Gaim delicious pain and screaming "Who's your daddy?" Gaim of course doesn't know the safety word. Ichigo then throws Gaim a Lockseed that he literally pulls out of his ass!

What else does it look like?

He literally, pulled that out of his ass!

With that horrifying nightmare fuel out of my head Gaim then transforms into his movie exclusive from. Kamen Rider Gaim Ichigo(#1) arms.

Strike a pose ya'll!

We then cut from this moment of awesome to ZX pointing out that the Mega Reverse Machine is almost finished! All the Riders capable of flight go to intercept and destroy it. Decade manages to get to where Shuu is strapped into the device, freeing him. With Shuu freed and out of harms way, the Riders are now free to go all out! X and Wizard Infinity Style prepare to fire when they are intercepted by Faiz, who blocks their attacks forcing the three to power down. Haruto asks what the hell Takumi was thinking, him saying that his friend is coming back to life and that he doesn't think that's a bad thing! You really weren't paying attention today were you? If that thing finishes, you are all dead, but I guess it's all worth it to bring back a despicable, irredeemable asshole right dude?

                            
But Haruto mentioned the bit of continuity I brought up in his and Gaim's crossover movie about Koyomi coming back as an evil mage, but Takumi is still stuck in moron mode which Jin thankfully tries to bring him out of by delivering a nasty right hook.

Let's see you grit those teeth!

After that blow of common sense Jin tells him to stop obsessing over the past and live for the future. Of course this doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense given Kusaka and Takumi's relationship which I disused earlier. Haruto then gives his last hope spiel when the ghost of assholes past shows up again.

I am a Shadow, the true self! Can't you just die already?

A real friend right? Takumi flashes back to Jin treating the hostage takers' wound back at the dinner and tells Shadow Kusaka to piss off. Where he then gets his Persona in the form of Faiz Blaster Mode as Haruto and Jin transform with him and blast away Kusaka, good riddance to bad rubbish. The three then lead the charge as the remaining Kamen Riders use their Rider Kicks to penetrate the exterior of the Badan base. Once inside, we see Wizard Infinity Style, X and Faiz Blaster Mode use their strongest attacks to annihilate the base and the Mega Reverse Machine. With the machine destroyed and the spirits gone, all that's left is to clean up the stragglers. ToQ-Oh gets knocked down, Daigo telling Gabutyra to show his bravery. That has Gabutyra transform into the Kyouryuger Ressha.

You know what? I don't care. I just don't care.

Then the Den-Liner shows up. Now, don't get me wrong I like Den-O, hell Den-O is my very first Kamen Rider series that I finished. But I can't stand how Toei keeps bringing back Den-O like this. Because, just like Pyramid Head in Silent Hill, Den-O got popular, so popular that Toei just, won't, let him die! Den-O's series was good, as well as the three main movies. But since Decade, Toei has been pimping Den-o out like a Brothel with terrible movie after terrible movie and pointless and harmful use after pointless and harmful use. Also, ever since "Let's Go Kamen Rider", every time Den-O is involved in a movie, and he has a speaking role the plot goes down like a cheap call-girl. However this time doesn't count since Den-O and ToQuger are both train themed, so this does make sense to me. (Also Den-O and ToQuger were written by the same person, making even more sense.) Anyway the three combined their mechs into the movie exclusive mess that is ToQ-Oh Kyouryuujin.

Because Zebras!

With this, unholy chimera the ToQugers finishes off the Generalissimo with every other Den-O train, including Zeronos' train. Whatever, the big bad is dead, now to end this thing by finishing off Fifteen. Gaim calls him out by asking how can he even care about Shuu wants if he doesn't even care what he wants? Fifteen says that even if his wish was granted, it still wouldn't make up for the pain of his death.

A: Hey dude, I've been there, do you need someone to talk too? B: Come on, suck it up Cupcake.

Gaim goes for a bit of both telling Fifteen that he's just running from his problems. He finally finishes Fifteen with his Ichigo squash Rider Kick which destroys not only the Fifteen Lockseed but Fifteen's Sengoku driver. Now that the driver is gone I have to call him by his actual name Ren. Gaim tells Ren that he'll never escape his pain unless he faces it. Shuu and the rest of the riders show up with Shuu starting to fade into light. Shuu then tells everyone to tell those who are alive that their futures are bright. Kid you are not in a Mr Japan Jr competition, can the shmaltz.

I, I can't make fun here. I really do feel for this scene.

Gaim asks if there is a way to grant Shuu's wish. Decade said that Ichigo and the rest of the Shōwa Riders should be able to do it if they combine their powers.

And what happened, then? Well, in the world of Riders they say - that Ichigo's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and Ichigo found the strength of *ten* Riders, plus two!

But we already saw the power of Merchandising!

With your powers combined I am Captain Planet!

Thankfully instead of that cheesy Silver Surfer clone showing up the Riders instead teleport Shuu to the lighthouse so he can say goodbye to his mom and dad.

"thump" "thump" That hits me right where I live.

Saki: Ren Aoi, where the hell have you been? Ren: Well honey the good news is it didn't involve alcohol. The bad news was, that it did involve an evil organization trying to merge the Neitherrealm with Earthrealm to bring our son back. Saki: You're sleeping on the couch for a month! Ren: I know.

So, now the bad guys are defeated, the kid gave his parents his final good bye and we can all go home and.

AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Stay tuned for the last part of this nightmare and my final thoughts about the movie.

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Deadfall is owned by Tristar Pictures and Christopher Coppola  
Silent Hill Downpour is owned by Vatra games and Konami Computer Entertainment
Ultima IX: Ascension is owned by Electronic Arts, Origin Systems, and Richard Garriot AKA Lord British.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is owned by Joel Hodgson,  Best Brains, Syfy, Comedy Central and Shout Factory.
Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.
Dragonball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star. 

Tokusatsu review Kamen Rider Taisen Part 3: The search for contenuity!

 From where we last left off we see Jin Badass riding down the coastline with Mari back to their clinic. I'm guessing that Mari is an employee, assistant or maybe a niece or granddaughter or something. Takumi, clearly as mystified by that incredible display of balls back at the dinner decided to follow the two to see what their deal is. Um, dude ever hear of just asking?

See, this guy knows not to be a creeper!

Now if I knew that some shady guy was following me and my young assistant I personally would have called the cops. Takumi doesn't even want anything from Jin he just, I don't know got bored I guess, hey writers, characters tend to have motivations behind their actions, don't have characters do things without a good reason! Otherwise it's just lazy writing! This awkward exchange is interrupted when more of Dr Jin's staff show up with a man who was injured in a drunken fight and is bleeding profusely. But is apparently strong enough to fling one of the guys holding him down like a frigging Frisbee!

Clearly an angry drunk, and an Olympian!

So after they remove the bloody glass shards out of the drunk's body, (which I won't be showing for obvious reasons) and manage to sedate him we cut to Takumi washing the blood off his hands when we get another flashback. Which I will get to when the time is right! Doc Badass thanks Takumi and tells him his full name. Keisuke Jin, who (if you've followed the links I gave in the prologue article) is the identity of Kamen Rider X. Takumi give his name to Jin, who then asks what it felt like saving a person. Takumi says that he's saved many already, which surprises Jin but notices that when Takumi said it he had a terrible expression on his face.

That expression being, Dull Surprise!

 But it's when Jin says that Takumi looks like a puppy in the rain looking for someone to take him home is when Takumi decides to leave. Jin asks what's troubling Takumi. Here is where we finally get to what I have been hinting at with this subplot. One of the biggest middle-fingers to continuity in this movie! And for those who haven't seen the reviews of Kamen Rider 555 that I posted, I'll go over this step by step.

Exhibit A The Arch Orphenoch 

This monster that Faiz is fighting? This is the Arch Orphenoch, the Orphenoch King, the leader of the monsters that Faiz was fighting against in his series and the big bad of said series.

Exhibit B, Kamen Rider Kaixa vs the Horse Orphenoch

The user of Kaixa in this scene is Masato Kusaka, the primary user of the Kaixa gear in this series. (I say that because in Faiz, the belt users change more times then most people change their underwear in a single week.) He is currently fighting the Horse Orphenoch, the second hero in Faiz.(He did turn into an anti hero at this point in the show so this can be forgiven.) His human identity, Yuji Kiba was the user of the Kaixa gear when the Orphenoch King was active. So for the Orphenoch King to be active, fighting Faiz, while the one who was using the Kaixa gear during the time the King was active to be fighting Kusaka as Kaixa is impossible! Especially when you remember that Kusaka died before the King was awakened. And to make things even better, this isn't even how Kusaka was killed in the series!

Exhibit C, Kusakas death.

Faiz wasn't even there when Kusaka died! Neither was the Horse Orphenoch! He was killed by Lucky Clover, the generals of the Orphenochs, who were working as the enforcers for the temporary leader of the Orphenochs before the King awakened.  Now, here's the big part, remember when I said that after Decade all the Heisei rider universes merged back together with the main Shōwa universe? That should have included how Kusaka prime died! And this has to be Faiz prime because all the on screen Riders that are in their civilian forms in this movie are played by their original actors, Takumi and Kusaka included! Whoever wrote this had no frigging idea what in the name of all things sacred they were doing were they? The only way that anyone could have made the continuity even worse was if this guy got involved!

No not that Mephesto!

 

This Mephesto!

Now I can't make any claims here, but I'm pretty damn Skippy that Toshiki Inoue, the guy that wrote Kamen Rider 555, he must have been pissed when he saw that scene! Now I have my own problems with Inoue's writing, which I'll cover when I talk about Jetman, but I at least know not to mess with another writers work like the writers of this movie did! But enough of that for now. Pony Boy then kills Kusaka, Kusaka asking why he had to die while Takumi has nothing to protect. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! Yeah back to the series again. Don't worry this is actually in continuity with the series. The joke is that "what he has to protect" was not only Takumis love interest, but also someone Kusaka hit, when she found out that Kusaka was acting like a manipulative, lying psychopath that was responsible for several horrible things happening to the rest of the characters because he felt like she put him in the friend zone! One of the reasons I and most people hate Kusaka is that he wasn't much of a character, more of an avatar for Inoue to use to keep certain aggravating subplots going far beyond the point where they should have ended. By the way, one of those people he manipulated? Was said girl, he made it look like Takumi was assaulting him while she wasn't looking, to not only try to kick Takumi out, but to milk sympathy from her! Enough renting about Faiz the series for now and back to Faiz the character in this piece of garbage. Because this lying, psychotic bastard died, that is why Takumi refused to put on the Faiz gear again. What a crock. He tells Jin that because a comrade of his died fighting to protect someone he loved,

he has survivors guilt. The most we even get out of my previously described diatribe about their relationship is that Takumi calls him a creep. Understatement of the entire movie! But that even that nut-job had even more of a reason to live then him. He asks Jin what he should do, he says to figure it out for himself. Sage advice there Julia! I can see how you got your own clinic, tell me, did you look at the back of a matchbook or a cereal box to find the number of the quack school you went too? I personally would have pointed Takumi to a therapist who could talk to him about his survivors guilt and his feelings of pointlessness, but there goes me and my logic again. The most we get is Jin telling him to look towards the sea if he doesn't know. Get it? He says it's because the sea's good and accepts everything. The sea can also be terrifyingly destructive and swallow anything that goes into it like a whale eating a school of plankton, I can see you weren't much of a philosophy major either. Mari then breaks up the pity party by saying that it's dinner time. Takumi hesitant because it looks hot.

Doesn't look that spicy to me.

The next day Takumi decides to take Jin's wise and sagely advice while accompanying Mari with her grocery shopping. Good thing too since Tiger-Roid shows up again and fires, with Takumi's bike transforming into Auto-Vajin to block the blast. Tiger-Roid says that he'll kill Faiz exposing the identity to Mari. Tiger-Roid says to take Mari hostage, Takumi is about to put on the Faiz gear when Jin shows up to smack around the Combat-Roids.

Do you see this brooding, emo anti heroes? This guy is smarter then you!

Having enough of this crap Takumi finally transforms into Faiz and starts fighting the Badan goons saying that he can at least protect a child's future. Remember this! Faiz then goes into his Excel form to finish off Tiger-Roid. Now for another part of why I have issues with this movie, the Showa riders are all assholes in this movie! This example is Jin fighting Faiz next after he transforms into Kamen Rider X. We get another homage to X's original transformation sequence, which again is very faithful, but less faithful is that X starts to beat Faiz like a drum, Faiz not even fighting back trying to ask why X is trying to kill him not even getting a response out of him during the fight. Respect our elders my ass! X even repeats Tsukasa's line about dying if he doesn't fight! X finally finishing the fight by using his X Kick, forcing Faiz to power down. This fight scene really encapsulates the Shōwa rider's attitude in this movie. This fight doesn't make X look strong, it makes him look like a callous bastard for fighting a guy who doesn't even try to fight back, not even giving him a reason why he should fight back other then, he a Heisei Rider and has to fight, like X was a Capulet and Faiz was a Montague.

Easy for you to say when your opponent didn't even throw a punch, Faiz you!

Takumi's response is great, "What the hell?"

You said it Henry.

We then cut back to Futo where Tsukasa meets up with Shotaro who finally caught the dog. Since the Turtle is also in it's cage Tsukasa asks where Kaito is. Shotaro says that Kaito left saying that he'd leave the rest to Tsukasa.

I know the feeling.

Tsukasa then tells Shotaro about Badan and asks for his help. Shotaro says that if he left the city that there'd be no Rider to protect it.

Yep, No Rider whatsoever!

 Or do you not count as a Rider once you get married? Tsukasa calls him out on this saying that he just doesn't want to leave Futo. Tsukasa then asks if there was a boy named Shuu who's from Futo, Shotaro says that he knows everyone in Futo, and that the Shuu that he knows is. We then cut to a lighthouse on the coast with a woman waiting there, looking at a picture. Tsukasa then appears hearing the woman saying Shuu's name. This, somehow awakens Shuu back in Zawame who remembers that he used to live in Futo and that the woman was there. Shuu starts running towards Futo with Kouta not too far behind. Tsukasa asks the woman if she is Shuu's mother. We then cut to Shuu and Kouta arriving at the house shown in Shuu's flashback. He remembers that this is his house. He walks inside.

Where we see a memorial shrine for Shuu.

Yep, it turns out that Shuu has been dead this entire time. He finally starts to get his memories back, of the last day he was alive. His mother was working that day, she said that she had to go out of the country. Shuu wasn't happy since she promised to take him to the lighthouse that day, but she couldn't get out of the assignment. She offered to take him when she gets back, but apparently this happened more then a few times before and Shuu storms off calling her a liar. In the cab to the airport she gets a picture from Shuu on her Iphone, holding up a piece of paper saying "I hate you" in large pink letters. That was the last time she had heard from Shuu. She is of course sad considering that was Shuu's last message to her. But then again kid, what exactly was she supposed to do? Not leave on the assignment and risk getting fired? Yeah sure she might be out of a job but hey at least you got to go to the frigging lighthouse. And sure she did say that she would take him once she got back, but at least she offered. She knew that Shuu wanted to go, but he could have had a little bit of patience and waited! Sure, she apparently broke those types of promises before but at least she tried! Bah humbug, call me a heartless scrooge but just consider both side here okay? Anyway apparently Shuu was just trying to tease her, yeah kid telling your Mom that you hate her just because of circumstances beyond her control is apparently "teasing" in Japan, good to know that little factoid. Apparently he meant to tell her it was a trick when she got back but then this happened.

Didn't the Carrangers teach you anything kid?

This, aside from further proof that truck drivers in Japan are the most notorious murderers in their country shows how Shuu died. Now Shuu remembers what he can back to do, find his Mom and apologize by reversing his last message to her. Of course this gets interrupted when Fifteen shows up in his human form who Shuu says is his father!

What a twist! Which we will leave on for next time.

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