Tokusatsu Review: Chōjin Sentai Jetman Part 1: Happy 25th Birthday!!! (to me!)

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 25 years ago today Toei released the first episode of the final Super Sentai before the franchise was regularly adapted into Power Rangers, Chōjin Sentai Jetman.  I've heard all the praise; I've seen several reviews and yet with anything the best way to judge something is to see it for yourself. Though before I even get started on this show I have a promise to keep and get some things off my chest by talking about the man responsible for the writing for this series.

The man I (and many others) consider to be the Japanese Frank Miller who has about as much reused cliches and tropes as Stephen King.

 I've mentioned this before but Inoue and Franky boy have more then a few similarities with each other. First off they were good writers when they started but have been on a downward spiral since. Though Inoue's decline has been far slower then Franks. While in recent years Inoue could at least make something enjoyable (I personally liked Kiva) everything Frank touches turns to complete and utter crap these days. They both are sexiest but on completely opposite ends of the spectrum, in Franks world every woman over the age of 18 is a whore, by that I mean every female character that's over 18 he writes; sex is in someway a part of their characterization or are drawn/depicted in ways involving sex.

 Examples include Catwoman in Batman Year One, where she was a Dominatrix inspired by Batman (Aka Crazy Steve), Bruno in The Dark Knight Returns is a Neo Nazi who walks around topless and wears swastikas as nipple pasties; and last but not least every female character in the movie adaptation of The Spirit that he directed. In Inoue town if you have a vagina then 9 times out of 10 you're either a horrible person, an idiot, or an abuse victim that wandered off the set of a Lifetime channel original movie. They also have their problems when it comes to restraint in their works but in different areas, see Inoue's problem is when he works on Kamen Rider or something that is targeted to generally older audiences he tends to indulge in creating asshole characters and have a more depressing and anger inducing tone for his shows. The worst examples of this from what I've seen is in Kamen Rider Agito and Kamen Rider Faiz, in Agito everyone is a raging Asshole that would fit right at home in one of those trashy housewives shows, where as in Faiz it's not as bad but for that show he went for quality over quantity and created the undeniably worst character in the history of the franchise to this day.

Ten years after he died and I would still rather teach Shakespeare to a pissed off mountain gorilla then deal with this guy.

  But when Inoue is writing Sentai or something that could be targeted for kids he tends to hold back due to the target audience. In Franks case his restraint problems comes down to his politics, his stories tend to reflect his political views which were faaaar more restrained when he started out, however since 9/11 (which he was in New Your City during the events of that day) his politics have been creeping in more and more eventually culminating into a 120 page Donald Trump campaign speech which he decided to call "Holy Terror". Also the two are recently getting back into the spotlight around the same time, Inoue is going to be cowriting the 45th anniversary Kamen Rider Movie and Miller is working on a Third Dark Knight book.

 But all in all I'd take Inoue over Miller any day mostly because Inoue can still make something good once in a while, knows when to hold himself back and isn't a racist, fascist piece of garbage. But enough about that; time to talk about the show itself and to make with the funny already. Our show starts off in the year 199X (aka 1991 for those who looked on Wikipedia) where we see an orbital space station that's owned by the military organization Skyforce whose job is to oversee the earth for any disturbances to peace. They detect that a robot has gone nuts and is attacking a civilian area.

 But instead of sending down X or Zero to stop it they instead send down two of their agents to deal with the Maverick. They stop the bot and their commanding officer comes into the monitor room and asks for their names which are Ryu Tendo and Rie Aio. She then says that she wants them for the J Project. Later when Rie asks what the J Project is exactly the commanding officer says that those who are treated with "Birdonic Waves" that Skyforce has created would get superpowers; which would somehow lead to helping maintain world peace. Because that's what the world needs, to live in fear of five super powered weirdos dressed in bird themed spandex.

 Ryu is concerned however that if the two are brought in on this project that they'd be assigned to different units, the commander however assures them that the Jetmen are a five man team and that they're in no danger of being separated. We then cut to the fortress of our villains.

Which looks like a hellish red eye in the bottom of the ocean.

 Back at the satellite we see Ryu being the first to get his DNA scrambled with to become a Jetman. I'm guessing this must have been what inspired Hartford to give the Overdrive Rangers their powers. After Ryu has an acid trip and gains a savory cherry flavor the base is attacked by the Vyrock and incoming message from the big giant head!

Kneel before Zod!

No this is actually Count Radiguet one of the members of the Dimensional War Party Vyram and he proclaims that they're here take over the world and shit on your couch because they're big blue motherfuckers and that's how they roll!

And apparently they're in league with Saruman!

 Though the fact that he's apparently broadcasting to the whole world with his declaration of conquest does raise the question of whether he knows that Earth has more then one language? I mean he's clearly speaking Japanese so does he think that's what the dominant language is for Earth despite the vast and different cultures and environments that humanity has created/adapted too? I joked about Zod before but even in Man of Steel when Zod was sending his demands to the world they were translated to each countries' primary language. I mean if aliens are going to try and conquer us the least they could do is scout ahead and see our various methods of communication. Wow Jetman not even one episode in and your villains are showing less knowledge of us then the Psychlos from Battlefield Earth and one of them thought that humans can fly!

 So to prove that he's not fucking around Radiguet says that the first target is the Skyforce space base. The staff evacuates but Rie gets sucked out through a hull breach and is sucked into space despite Ryu's attempt to save her, the CO gut checks Ryu and knocks him out due him becoming hysteric and takes him to a ship to escape the facility. Meanwhile the device that infused Ryu with the Birdonic Waves shatters and the remaining four waves then scatter across Japan and infuse four random people with a lemon, coconut, black licorice and blueberry flavor respectively. After laughing his ass off Radiguet then sends down a monster to attack the city.

 The CO and Ryu land at their base, the Sky Camp and when Ryu wakes up screaming that he has to look for Rie. The CO cuts the crap and tells him that she's dead, Vyram killed her get used to it. Ryu is of course emotionally unstable and asks her how the hell he's supposed to fight something that can destroy the Earthbase in one shot. She tells them that he's already a Jetman and that they have to find his teammates. Um Ma'am maybe you should go and look for them while Ryu recovers, grieves and starts to accept Rie's death at his own pace? I mean I know that Vyram is right on your doorstep and what not but you do want humanity's defenders to be in a right, sane state of mind right? You don't want him to die in battle due to him having a grief stricken psychotic episode? No, ok then, there just goes me and my logic again.

 In the city we see the monster that Radiguet sent out.

The Dimensional Bug.

 It starts its spree by eating people to fill its egg sack! Yep first monster and it's eating people whole and leaving only their clothes behind.

 While Proto-Cell gorges; the CO and Ryu make their first stop to a mansion to meet the young lady of the manor; Kaori who at first is confused by all of this. Making things worse is Ryu basically barking at her telling her to become a warrior since Rie, oh I'm sorry the "world" is at stake. I'll get into this later when I talk about the characters but suffice to say Ryu is basically stuck like this for the rest of the show. The CO tells Ryu to back off and she explains things in a much more calm manner to Kaori. She then agrees to join if only because her inner Disney princess is acting up and she wanted out of her boring, stagnant lifestyle. Our heroes everyone Japanese Roy Harper and a lady who treats saving the world like a vacation.

 Hero #3 Raita is just as bad as he's a farmer who even when he's told that the world is in danger of being destroyed by the Vyram he just still tells them that he's a pacifist and to fuck off. Kaori offers to stay and convince him while Ryu and the CO go find the last two. She manages to butter him up by playing on his pride in how much care he gives his vegetables. What seals the deal is when Radiguet sends down his foot solders to destroy Raita's crops.

Meet 1991's foot solder model the Grinams.

 After Raita demonstrates that he graduated from the Philionel El Di Saillune school of pacifism the two get overwhelmed by the Grinams and call for help from Ryu, who heads back to the Skycamp and deploys in his personal mech the Jet Hawk to back the two newbies up. I could go on about how many ways from Sunday him flying the mech in the city low enough to go between buildings is ungodly stupid, dangerous and illegal but need less to say it still paints our Red as an asshole. 

 Porto-Cell corners Raita and Kaori in a nearby rock quarry (because in Sentai there's always a nearby rock quarry) but Ryu swoops in from his mech and finally transforms into Red Hawk, cleans house with the grunts and tosses Raita his Cross-changer. But before he can show them how to transform Proto-Cell tries to drink him.

YOU WANNA SEE ME DRINK THIS GUY?!

 Raita and Kaori fall off a cliff and almost die but they manage to transform just in time and fly back up. Though some members can clearly handle themselves better then others they do manage to survive their first fight and force Proto-Cell to retreat. The CO stresses that they need to find the last two Jetman or else Vyram is going to walk all over them. Back on the Vyrock we see Radiguet asking his two comrades who the hell the Jetman are. So we end the first episode by seeing the other three leading members of Vyram.

First is their robot Hitman Grey, who's basically a badass, cultured version of Bender.

The technological wunderkind Tran who looks like he took lipstick application tips from Bruce Payne from the Dungeons and Dragons movie.

And there's the token woman Maria.

Who we have never seen before!

 We start the second episode in the second paragraph of Journey's "Don't stop believing" where we see The Fonz' long lost cousin cheating at poker but gives his winnings and his own chips to his female opponent to charm his way into her pants. As he's walking out with her the club bouncer of course notices his cheating and is about to beat his ass like a drum when Fonzie knocks him out with one punch like he was Popeye after finishing a Spanakopita. He's completely shocked by this sudden burst of strength and runs off.

 Meanwhile the three Jetmen are searching for the last two, Ryu searching from the sky in his Jet Hawk while Raita and Kaori search by car. We cut to a high school where a girl is apparently summoning the evil from Evil Dead, but she snaps out of it and decides to jump the high jump and aces it. This is Ako Hayasaka and the gym teacher is so impressed that he asks her to participate in the school sports competition. Of course since she has a brain in her head she'll gladly do it, for 2000 yen.

 Both parties manage to find Birdonic Waves, while on the Vyrock Proto-Cell has started to lay eggs. Radiguet picks one up which hatches into a large Spider called a Dimension Insect, he then teleports the Insect to the jet that the CO was flying which transforms into a monster.

 However this brings up another problem with Vyram for me. So if I've got this right the Bug Mother is the only creature that can spawn these Dimension Insects. So...why did you send this thing into combat against the Jetmen?! You have no freaking clue what their capabilities are, what weapons they have and if your Bug is strong enough to even kill them. These Insects are going to be the source of the M.O.W so if I were the one running the show I would make keeping the Bug Mother alive one of my top priorities, along with regular abductions to keep feeding her thus giving me more Insects and thus more Monsters.

 Let's take this a step further here, first I'd send out a Dimensional Beast to keep the Jetmen busy while I have another group working on kidnapping thousands of people to feed the Bug Mother, for every 1 I lose I'll gain about 20. Then once I have enough I'll release them all on mass all over the world and then BAM total conquest! You know for someone who claims to be the new gods of earth and who have apparently conquered other worlds before this you'd think that they would at least come up with a strategy so simple!? But then again this is the same guy that thinks the leader of the world should look like if the Phantom of the Opera joined the blue man group wearing a spiked cornucopia on his head so there you go.

 Ok, rant over, the CO manages to eject from Fighter Dimension before it starts to attack Ryu. Meanwhile Raita and Kaori manage to find Ako while Fonzie is turning up his coolness factor by playing the saxophone but trips out and accidentally crushes his sax like it was tinfoil; but Ryu and the CO manage to get to him. Back with Vyram Radiguet once again shows how SMRT he is by telling Proto-Cell to go on a rampage after it detaches its egg sack. Back with Fonzie after the CO tells him that he's a Jetman and that she wants him to use that power to protect the earth he gives a few reasons why humanity sucks, they're racist, stupid, self-destructive, pollute and from his view are just a cut string away from being whipped out by their own arrogance. This of course pisses off Ryu who gives his "value of life" crap but of course when dealing with a guy like this is the exact wrong way of going about recruiting him.

 Fonzie of course sees through Ryu's crap and tells him to piss off. But of course after Ryu keeps spewing his bull about saving the earth Fonz just head butts him right in the face and walks off.

And I just love the look on his face as he head butts him. This is the face of a man who does not give even a microscopic amount of a fuck.

 Which leads to our calm, cool and collected Red Ranger grabbing him and punching him right in the jaw, um Ryu what was it you said earlier about putting personal matters aside? I'll get into more of this later but for now lets run down this scenario. Somebody doesn't do what you want which they have no clear interest in helping you with. So what do you do? You punch them in the face; up yours Ryu. Yet I still prefer you over Right from Toqger or Takaharu from Ninninger, and that's just sad.

 As for the CO, she does absolutely nothing about stoping this, she just sighs and shakes her head, our Mentor everyone! I mean I know nothing about military code of conduct but let me see here, an officer under your command is assaulting a civilian who you are giving top priority to recruit and yet you're doing absolutely nothing to stop him. Now I may not know but I think a President, General and a Colonel can give you a suggestion.

 We cut from this episode of Japan's funniest drafts to Kaori and Raita trying to persuade Ako to join. As demonstrated before she can be bought off for the right price and lucky-lucky that the rich girl is here so she cuts off a 10 Million Yen check!!! Which back then would equal about 76.881.600 american dollars which today with inflation would reach about 89.135.900 American dollars!!! Now I might be wrong since math is not my forte but suffice to say Ako is undoubtably thinking one thing right now.

 So Ako is now a Jetman and just in time as Proto-Cell begins attacking the three. They call in Ryu for back up with Fonzie chasing after the two since he's not through with him yet. Ryu takes the Jet Hawk to the three but is intercepted by Fighter Dimension who engages him in a dogfight so ridiculous that even Maverick from Top Gun is telling him he's out of his mind. Meanwhile Gai (that's his name Gai Yuki the only reason I haven't said it is because the show hasn't yet, yeah the second episode and only Ryu and Ako had had their names spoken aloud) has lost Ryu but gets abducted by Fighter Dimension probably due to them both giving off Birdonic waves. Of course since Gai is a hostage Ryu can't shoot the monster down but he does manage to shoot the arms forcing the monster to let Gai go and crash.

 Ryu manages to give Gai his Cross Changer and they both transform saving themselves by flying down to safety. Raita, Kaori and Ako transform too and meet with the others, at last the team has been gathered, but Fighter Dimension isn't done yet and assumes a humanoid form.

Apparently on top of working for Vyram it was also a Decepticon.

 So the team engages the enemy forces with the team doing rather well Ryu even manages to destroy Fighter Dimension by shooting a fuel leak on the monsters body. However Proto-Cell is still hungry but is quickly dealt with. The four Vyram leaders then decide to start a game, the first one to kill the Jetmen will be the true leader of the group.

 So we wrap up with Ako giving Kaori back the check saying that she'll join them for free.

 As for Gai, he gives his own response to Ryu's offer to join the team with a way that's just as fresh as he is.

 Yeah the only reason he helped in the first place was to get revenge on the monsters that attacked him and now that they're gone he has no reason to stick around with an asshole he can't stand the sight of let alone listen too. So he tosses them his Cross Changer and drives off. So those were the first two episodes of Jetman, tune in next time where I give my thoughts of the season over all, the heroes, the mechs, the villains and anything else that deserves mention. Also Happy 25th Birthday Jetman and me!

Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Power Rangers is owned by is owned by Saban Entertainment, Haim Saban, Renaissance Atlantic Entertainment, Toei Company, Ltd. and MMPR Productions, Inc.
Heartbeeps is owned by Allan Arkush, and Universal Pictures.
Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.
Dragonball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star. 
The Dark Knight is owned by Christopher Nolan, Legendary Pictures, Syncopy, DC Comics and Warner Bros. Pictures.
Patton is owned by Franklin J. Schaffner, 20th Century Fox and based on Patton: Ordeal and Triumph by Ladislas Farago and A Soldier's Story by Omar Bradley
Spaceballs is owned by Mel Brooks, Brooksfilms and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc.
Chappelle's Show is owned by Dave Chappelle, Comedy Central, MGM Television and Comedy Partners.

Tokusatsu Review: Ressha Sentai Toqger Vs Kyoryuger The Movie Part 1: Valiant Vision.

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 This movie is going to be a problem, as you may or may not know I have, well a definitive opinion of Toqger. But I don't want to look like a psychotic lunatic describing my feelings about Toqger, so I will leave my good friend Silky Johnson, a true trained and learned hater to give my feelings about the 38th Super Sentai.

 A true hater; one that I hope and fear will become someday. But I've gone on record long enough about my hatred of these unimaginative morons; time to talk about their predecessors; Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger. They're the strongest braves in history who fought against the Deboss army, an army of monsters that caused the extermination of the Dinosaurs millions of years ago. In the modern day they tried to revive their master Deboss by gathering emotional energy from people. I think Kyoryuger was an okay series, but the complaints I have with it are pretty much the same as everyone else, too much focus on Daigo especially when this team had a roster of TEN RANGERS that the extra development could have gone to but it wasn't because reasons, way too much explosions (thank you Sakamoto) and the show in general was a bit too goofy for my taste.

 I'll get into this more when I decide to talk about the first eight episodes of Kyoryuger's adaptation Power Rangers Dino Charge but I'm definitely liking Dino Charge more then Kyoryuger. So for right now let's see how these two teams mix and if I have to hurl afterwords from digesting the concoction. We open in space where Lady, a character from Toqger's other movie "Galaxy Line SOS" (also I see the Thomas the Tank Engine reference you made by naming her "Lady" nice try) reports to the Rainbow line that a Galaxy Line station has been attacked by a mass of green energy and both are on a collision course with the earth. So our army of Tom Hanks wannabees transform and head to the crash site to see what exactly caused the station to crash, discovering Zorimas and Cambrimas the foot solders and elite foot solders of the Deboss army emerging from the green energy seeping from the crashed station. The team tries to fight them off but their attack do jack all against them. Kagura is about to be killed by a Zorima until a certain duo shows up.

Yep the return of Daigo (Kyoryu Red) and Amy (Kyoryu Pink)

 The two veterans easily take care of the goons while Tokatti and Kagura wonder who they are. Um you two should know at least half of that question since, oh wait that movie never happened never mind. The two then get saved by Nossan (Kyoryu Blue) from the grunt, but not from his puns.

 Yep, Nossan absolutely loves these word puns, at least the guys at Tv Nihon did the translations as best as they could and explained what this highball joke was so it didn't go completely over our heads. But still just because I have to, here's the clip just out of principal.

 Mio then gets saved by Ian (Kyoryu Black) while Souji (Kyoryu Green) one of the least developed characters in Kyoryuger saves Hikari, my favorite Toqger and who I think is the real leader of the group. As the Kyoryugers do their literally explosive introduction they inadvertently pull a Ziggy from RPM and catch the Toqgers in their back explosion sending them flying. HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, eh that's just plain old fashioned funny for several reasons, not the least of which showing how incompetent the Toqgers are. Hell the first 15 minutes of this movie seems to be dedicated to doing just that, and I am more then happy with that. Yeah I know the cardinal rule of any team up is to not make one faction look better then the other, but if the one that looks bad is Toqger I soooooooooooooo don't care. So while the train twits lick their burn marks the Kyoryugers clean house with the grunts.

Right, why is it that almost every time you open your mouth you say something stupid?

 The Kyoryugers try to get to the station but are stopped by a green force field. Unfortunately like the Kyoryuger series itself the other members of the team search for a way to break the shield leaving Daigo to get all of the character interaction with the Toqgers. Really? The rest of the team didn't think to ask the Toqgers what they know about the situation and compare notes to hopefully find out what caused this; especially since this is tied into their group and network of allies? Oh wait there goes me and my logic again. Yeah why would we want to see the primary members of this team up bounce off of each other and get interesting character interactions based off of how different and similar they are?

 Who would want to watch that? Heh heh, oy vey. Anyway after Daigo shows off his new haircut the Toqgers start asking Daigo questions which Conductor wants answered immediately and brings them on the trains so Daigo can explain it all. Also, yes Daigo can see and board the trains, because he has imagination.

 Sorry but I have to do that everytime Toqger mentions Imagination, yeah that part still pisses me off and you should too. After more dialogue that causes brain tumors with every period Daigo explains that the station was brought down by Devius, the being responsible for creating Deboss and thus the Deboss army. Speaking of which Devius' henchman; Salamas is meeting with Zett and the rest of the Shadow Line to ask for help keeping the two Sentai teams off his back while Devius gains a physical form.

Wait a minute, this looks familiar. Oh god Devius is a Pillar Man! This might explain what happened to Kars after Joseph sent him into space. He got sent through a worm hole into this universe, was converted into a mass of energy and using his powers as the Ultimate Life form, created Deboss as a means to conquer the universe!

 And in exchange they'll help Zett kill the Toqgers. Zett agrees and decides to loan Salamas a Shadow Kaijin. Salamas thanks Zett by kissing his robe which caused Morc to attack him for stepping out of line. After hearing the situation from Daigo the Toqgers offer their help but Daigo refuses pointing out how their weapons and attacks were useless against the grunts. He also senses something about them, something childish that he doesn't want to put in danger. Daigo then does a dine and dash as he JUMPS OUT OF THE MOVING TRAIN AND LANDS WITHOUT A SCRATCH! Right, not one to listen to reason, sound advice or anything that doesn't come from his own noise hole decides that they're going to fight Devius anyway, even though they know that their weapons and attacks can't hurt him and his creations.

 While everyone tries to keep Right under control we cut to Utchy (Kyoryu Gold) waiting for Daigo at the train station. Our movie exclusive monster shows up with some Kuros; the Shadow Line's foot solders and after a silly little exchange Utchy tries to fight off the forces.

The decorated decorum devoted dunce in the middle is Clock Shadow.

 However just like when the Toqgers couldn't hurt the Deboss grunts with their weapons, Utchy's sword can't cut it with the Shadow Line grunts either. Thankfully the other Toqger that I can stand, Akira shows up to help Utchy fend off the Kuros. After a pointless scene of Right making a right ass out of himself we cut back to the fight where Clock Shadow starts, well pretending he's a clock striking 12, Akira warns Utchy to run and not listen to him sing, Utchy of course refuses to run, the Toqgers then show up and Clock Shadow starts singing again forcing Akira to summon the Build Ressha to get them all to retreat. Clock Shadow orders the Kuros to go after them, when a certain group of gaudy Ninjas show up, and no one of them isn't Pierre Kirby; it's the Ninningers. Yep as is tradition now with these crossover movies we get a preview/showcase of the next seasons Sentai, though they usually come in near the end of the movie.

 So yeah this an odd change of pace but a good one in my opinion. So for the next five minutes we get the Ninningers destroying all the Kuros and chasing Clock Shadow off, but not before he summons a Kurainer to squash them. Instead of summoning their Otomo Nin they instead use a Nin Shuriken that they just pulled out of their ass (so far not sure if this will actually be introduced in the show as of 5/6/15) to shrink the Kurainer to human size so they can finish it off with their finishing attack.

"Dad, the movie's talking to me again" "I'll fire up the electroshock machine."

 After Deadpool found his new targets for stealing his schtick we cut back to the Toqgers who have now been turned into kids, or rather restored to normal. As for Utchy, well.....

BABY!

 Yeah it turns out that Clock Shadow has the ability to age regress a person; the longer they listen to his clock impression the farther back they go. Wait hold on, the longer the victim is exposed to the effects the younger they become. The one who has this power is weird, malicious and works for a guy who is viewed as the embodiment of pure evil.

 OH GOD GET AWAY! The fact that Clock Shadows voice actor Masaya Onosaka is also the voice actor for Alessi does not help matters at all, in fact the little voice in my head is telling me that this casting choice and Clock Shadow's powers was made as an intentional reference. Ugh anyway Akira says that Clock Shadow's powers don't work on other Shadows and that's why he's fine. With the Toqgers occupied with Chibichi the Kyoryugers are trying to get to Devius, with no success, Daigo then summons Gabutyra to take a crack at it, however Kurainers show up to reinforce the barrier with darkness, so even with Gabutyra they can't get in. Akira calls the Kyoryugers to show them what happened to Utchy and the Toqgers.

GET IT?! Yeah I can't honestly believe they went there.

 Ugh this whole review is getting squicky. What makes me feel even more uncomfortable is the fact that RIGHT of all people comes to the realization that the team's respective powers don't work on the other teams enemies. So for Devius to be stopped both teams have to work together. Clock Shadow shows up with an army of Kuros, Zorimas and Cambrimas. The Kyoryugers transform to protect the kids, however Right and the other kids can still transform and do so.

Couldn't we have these Toqgers instead?

 Now time for me to explain something about my hatred for Toqger. Everyone I've seen defending this show says that "they're kids in adult bodies what do you expect of course they're going to be annoying, kids are annoying." Yeah I get that but here's the thing, the show says that the team are kids in adult bodies, but for me, it comes off as the leads being adults that are acting like children, and there is a gigantic difference. We know that kids more often enough do indeed act like the Toqgers, but again the problem is that as far as we can tell Adults are acting like Children! Do you get where I'm coming from?

 But to be perfectly honest, for the rest of the movie where the Toqgers are kids, they are 1000 more tolerable for me. If the team from the start were portrayed by child actors this show would have fared far better in my eyes. I mean say what you will about Kou from Dairanger, Riki from Ohranger or Justin from Power Rangers Turbo at least when they were Rangers they were still kids in their civilian forms, you could have done what those shows or even Beetleborgs did, have the child actors and just have them grow to adult proportions when they transform, or even switch to more grown up voices while they're transformed so there won't be any scheduling conflicts with their schoolwork or whatever. Because from what little I've seen here these kids should have been the main heroes of the show, that change would have removed at least 50% of my rage at this show and make Right far more tolerable as a character, because this behavior is more tolerable from a kid then a grown ass adult. Also it seems that Right is acting more mature as a kid then he was as an adult. Okay, rant over.

YOU LEAVE THOSE CHILDREN ALONE YOU MONSTER!

I have Chris Hanson and I'm not afraid to use him.

 So the two teams on Right's suggestion swaps their power totems with their opposite number, the Toqgers give the Kyoryugers their Resshas and the Kyoryugers give their Zyudenchi batteries, with the totems inserted (somehow) into their respective devices the fight is on. Akira would have joined in on this but, well he still has Chibichi to look after. And the core swap worked, as the combined forces can hurt both groups of foot solders now.

OH GOD NOT THAT THING AGAIN!

 Great, that's just what this movie needed, the return of the unholy love child of Majin Buu and a dumpling. Long story go watch episode 15 to see the context behind this stupid looking abomination. So after, that the grunts are gone and all that's left is the mechanized Don Patch. Meanwhile the Shadow Line chew out Salamas for his plan going pear shaped. Salamas however lives up to his name and sets Castle Terminal on fire, yeah that part of Zetts cape he kissed? Yeah apparently that was him planing the "fuse" as it were for his pyrokinetic abilities. So he torches the place, steals some Kurainers and makes tracks. The two teams combine their powers to destroy Clock Shadow, but before he can grow Salamas steals the darkness and grows, fusing five Kuros with him to make,

THIS UNGODLY STUPID LOOKING THING!

 I mean come on, are you kidding me with this thing? Look I get what they were going for, mixing a train with a dragon. I know that dragons were often grouped together with Salamanders in European mythology and modern depictions of Salamanders often cast them as being associated with fire and I guess the producers wanted to mix the themes of the two villain groups together but come on!  There's mixing and matching and then there's taking two puzzle pieces from completely different sets and slamming them together until they kind of fit. So the teams summon their mechs, fire their lasers at Salamas, and they can't aim for crap. Salamas somehow manages to survive the initial assault so the team summon their strongest mechs ToQ Rainbow and Gigant Kyoryujin to destroy Salamas. With his destruction the Toqgers and Utchy grow to their adult forms again.

 However they're too late, Devius has awakened and just with a single laser blast nearly destroys both mechs forcing the teams to retreat. Next time we conclude this movie and I give my final thoughts.

Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Chappelle's Show is owned by Dave Chappelle, Comedy Central, MGM Television and Comedy Partners.
Batman: The Animated Series is owned by Dc Comics, Warner Brothers and Paul Dini.
Ultima IX: Ascension is owned by Electronic Arts, Origin Systems, and Richard Garriot AKA Lord British.
Deadfall is owned by Tristar Pictures and Christopher Coppola. 
The Tick: The Animated Series is propriety of  Hank Tucker, Sunbow Entertainment, Graz Entertainment, Fox Children’s Productions and Disney Media Distribution 
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is propriety of Hirohiko Araki, David Production, Tokyo MX, Warner Bros Entertainment and Viz Media. 
To Catch a Predator is owned by NBC Studios. 
Monty Python and the Holy Grail is owned by Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Python (Monty) Pictures and EMI films. 

Video Game Review: Persona Retrospective: Persona (PSP) Part 6: Trees of Green

Our heroes start to wander the school looking to see what the situation is and to catch up with Maki, however they run across some familiar people behaving in a rather unfamiliar way. Like for example when they encounter Ms Saeko she doesn't talk and is a perpetual sadness golem.

Or at least this is my head cannon as to why. But you can guess for yourselves.

 From that bit of what the hell the gang heads to the principal's office to find that Hanya, is actually being nice, is concerned for the safety and well-being of his students and wants to protect them from Aki and her Demons!

Now we know what the Deva system does!

Thinking that they've probably gone nuts, the gang tries to leave but run into Yukino in the entrance hall. She seems confused when Nanjo brings up playing the Persona game and going to the hospital, which further cements the theory that they may not be in their world. More evidence of that is presented when they run into Yuko on the 2nd floor who is acting far more stuck-up and snooty then when the gang last saw her.

She went from Hinata to Asuka in nothing flat, going so far as to asking why Nanjo is hanging around "That sort".

After that, the gang finds Maki and Yosuke in room 2-5. And yes this is in fact the Yosuke from their world that disappeared two months back.

Remember dude, a man wears a scar as a medal.

 Yosuke explains that he and Chisato are from their world confirming to the group that this in fact an alternate universe and not the past despite everything looking exactly like it was one year ago. However there are two notable differences, the Police station is now a forest and there is a castle where the hospital used to be. Yosuke also confirms that the Maki that has been in the group to this point isn't their Maki, but the Maki from this universe. Maki wasn't trying to trick them or anything, she just didn't know for herself until she got back since she never thought that she might have just traveled to another world, mostly because she's sane. She says that she dosed off and them BAM she's in their world. Mark of course asked why she didn't at least mention any of those details, but then again, would they have believed her if she did? Because, again that just sounds crazy on top of everything else that's going on. Maki just figured that everything would be fixed if they just beat Kandori. Yosuke tells them that Chisato is with Aki but before the group can take action, an earthquake occurs and the school transforms just like the hospital, the architecture changes and the place is infested with demons. The one responsible is Aki, she's caught on to the group and is trying to kill them and destroy the school in one swoop; and to make sure that nobody escapes, she removes all the exits. So now the only course of action is to find Aki and stop her. So once the gang finds the Nurse's office, heal up, saves and head to the Velvet Room to create more Personas, they fight their way through the school.Along the way the gang reassures the students they find that they'll save the school from the demons. They also hear from a student that there's a girl that looks just like Aki hiding out in the forest and that it was a flower garden before Aki and the demons showed up. In the art room the gang catches up with Reiji who is protecting a girl from a demon that is attacking her. Reiji then summons his Persona, Bres of the Devil Arcana and kills the demon with one attack.

Bres was a king of the Tuatha De Danann in Irish mythology. He ruled with his wife Brigid before being slain by his predecessor Nuadha for his tyrannical rule and his favor toward his kinsmen, the Fomorians.

 The gang clues Reiji in on how they currently aren't in their world and that they were sent there by Kandori and that Reiji must be the kid that Dr Nikolai mentioned being sent trough the rift. Reiji explains that he was pulled into this world by a girl in a white dress. As soon as Mark mentions that Kandori is in the world with them Reiji joins up, no questions asked; that is if you've completed the required steps mentioned in the previous parts of this retrospective and only if you didn't pick any of the others to join the group. With our fifth man on the team the group continues the trek across the school. Near the end there is a save point and a Velvet Room, so if you have any spell cards, now would be a good time to make new Personas and give at least two of them to each team member if their levels are high enough to equip them. Once all the prep is taken care of you encounter Aki in the school courtyard. Maki threatens to spank Aki unless she fixes the school, but Aki only listens to Kandori so that's a big no-go. In response she calls Maki flat-chested,  Mark a monkey-boy and  generally acts like a petulant brat. Finally deciding to kill them she chants "Erusaer Tsymmom" and summons a monster.

A mechanical Rat with a machine gun on its back named Tesso.

 Despite it's stupid looking design Tesso can cause some rather big problems for your party, especially with its Magry and Megido attacks which can attack all members of your party at once and unless you have a lot of revival beads and recovery items, well good luck. It is vulnerable to Electric and rush attacks so that helps. Once the rat is scrap Aki teleports away, however Yosuke comes in to tell the gang that the school is back to normal and all the demons are gone, he also says that he wants to introduce them to someone who is investigating the two worlds and could be of some help. So the gang heads up to the library to meet their new ally.

This is Tsutomu Kurouri, an alleged expert on the occult but mostly gives wrong info and is socially awkward.

 

 However in this universe Tsutomu is not only eloquent and well-spoken; but he actually knows what the hell he's talking about. Tsutomu theorizes that the events that are happening in the world, thought at first seemingly unrelated are in fact the machinations of someone or something and that the black door that appeared in the library is also connected. However only those that are tied by the same bonds as the events can access the door, this however does not include him. Nanjo concludes that it's up to Naorin, himself, Mark, Maki and Reiji to uncover the truth. Tsutomu asks who holds the tread, Maki replies with Kandori's name and Tsutomu was expecting that very name, in fact he was foretold of these events by a certain man at the Shrine. So off to the shrine they go. There they find Philemon who says that they world that they're in is indeed a replica of their world, and that this world is where Kandori's ambitions lie. If they pursue him they will eventually discover what the nature of this world really is and how to get back to their world.

Hopefully it won't involve this butt-plug,

 this Jackass,

 or anything like this, because things are crazy enough as it is.

He then says that Kandori has set up shop on the east side of town and if he finds what he is looking for, both worlds are screwed. Philemon also says that the only way to access the east side is through the subway terminal, however the place is guarded by a monster and it can only be stopped by the Expel Mirror. The gang however don't know where the Mirror is. However I do, till next time kiddies!

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Shin Megami Tensai Persona is owned by Atlus and Sega.
Soul Eater is owned by Square Enix, Studio Bones, Funimation and Atsushi Ōkubo.
Bizzaro World is owned by DC Comics and Otto Binder.
Chappelle's Show is owned by Dave Chappelle, Comedy Central, MGM Television and Comedy Partners.
Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Exiles is owned by Marvel Comics, The Walt Disney Company and Judd Winick.
Kingdom Hearts is owned by Square Enix, Disney Interactive Studios, Tetsuya Nomura, and Shinji Hashimoto.