Saturday, September 27, 2014

Tokusatsu Review Kamen Rider Taisen: Part 6: The end of pain?

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Where we last left off Fifteen was fighting against Wizard who uses his Bind spell to try and hold down Fifteen. Fifteen however switches to Wizard arms and easily breaks through it. Fourze backs up Wizard, however Fifteen just switches to Fourze arms and continues to pound the two, even with W and Decade the four Riders get smacked down by Fifteen, finishing them all at once by switching to Decade arms. Gaim calls out Fifteen, Fifteen decides to stop screwing around and switches to Gaim arms, to accept the final one on one fight. Porcupine-Roid is firing on several Riders, however Baron, Ryugun Kiwi arms and Zangetsu-Shin show up for a rematch.
Yeah, I'm keeping that spoiler to myself.
After that bit of hilarious hindsight the three Armored Riders over power Porcupine-Roid and destroy that rejected Predacon. Meanwhile the spirits of the dead are terrorizing the civilians, one of which decides to interrupt Faiz.
Nobody gives a shit about you, Kusaka!
But for some reason Faiz does. Skullasaurus in the mean time knocks out Gabutyra when, NO NO NO!
Yep; they show up. Ressha Sentai ToQuger. I, absolutely HATE THIS SERIES! I could go into further details, but to sum up at least 50% of my complaints of ToQuger, it would be because of this guy!
SHUT UP RIGHT, YOU STUPID JAPANESE JUSTIN BIEBER!
You ever have that one character that for some ungodly reason you cannot stand the sight off? Right is that guy for me. He is my Tidus, my Shinji Akari, my Lamar Davis, my Roman Bellic, my Chris Brown! Just the one character that for what ever reason whenever you see him, he just sends you into pure, unreasonable rage! You want to know why? Then just watch ToQuger to find out for yourself. Though at the time of this post ToQuger isn't over yet so I will wait until it's finished to give this show the beatdown it may or may not deserve. Anyway the ToQuger transform and summon their mech ToQ-Oh.
And the thing looks terrible.
One of my biggest complaints for ToQuger is that designs for the Heroes, from their suits to the majority of their Mechs looks horribly lazy, and for the the Sentai that is themed on "imagination" that is a very big problem. ToQ-Oh is just five trains lined up side by side. Now for this movie, the big bad, the Generalissimo of Badan do you think that he should be destroyed by the Kamen Riders, the enemy he's been trying to destroy and vice-versa? Nah, just give that honor to the Sentai members that only showed up at the last 20 minutes of the movie.
Anyway, while the ToQugers hold off the walking Jurassic Park logo we shift back to the fight between Gaim and Fifteen. Fifteen is of course giving Gaim delicious pain and screaming "Who's your daddy?" Gaim of course doesn't know the safety word. Ichigo then throws Gaim a Lockseed that he literally pulls out of his ass!
What else does it look like?

He literally, pulled that out of his ass!
With that horrifying nightmare fuel out of my head Gaim then transforms into his movie exclusive from. Kamen Rider Gaim Ichigo(#1) arms.
Strike a pose ya'll!
We then cut from this moment of awesome to ZX pointing out that the Mega Reverse Machine is almost finished! All the Riders capable of flight go to intercept and destroy it. Decade manages to get to where Shuu is strapped into the device, freeing him. With Shuu freed and out of harms way, the Riders are now free to go all out! X and Wizard Infinity Style prepare to fire when they are intercepted by Faiz, who blocks their attacks forcing the three to power down. Haruto asks what the hell Takumi was thinking, him saying that his friend is coming back to life and that he doesn't think that's a bad thing! You really weren't paying attention today were you? If that thing finishes, you are all dead, but I guess it's all worth it to bring back a despicable, irredeemable asshole right dude?

                            
But Haruto mentioned the bit of continuity I brought up in his and Gaim's crossover movie about Koyomi coming back as an evil mage, but Takumi is still stuck in moron mode which Jin thankfully tries to bring him out of by delivering a nasty right hook.
Let's see you grit those teeth!
After that blow of common sense Jin tells him to stop obsessing over the past and live for the future. Of course this doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense given Kusaka and Takumi's relationship which I disused earlier. Haruto then gives his last hope spiel when the ghost of assholes past shows up again.
I am a Shadow, the true self! Can't you just die already?
A real friend right? Takumi flashes back to Jin treating the hostage takers' wound back at the dinner and tells Shadow Kusaka to piss off. Where he then gets his Persona in the form of Faiz Blaster Mode as Haruto and Jin transform with him and blast away Kusaka, good riddance to bad rubbish. The three then lead the charge as the remaining Kamen Riders use their Rider Kicks to penetrate the exterior of the Badan base. Once inside, we see Wizard Infinity Style, X and Faiz Blaster Mode use their strongest attacks to annihilate the base and the Mega Reverse Machine. With the machine destroyed and the spirits gone, all that's left is to clean up the stragglers. ToQ-Oh gets knocked down, Daigo telling Gabutyra to show his bravery. That has Gabutyra transform into the Kyouryuger Ressha.
You know what? I don't care. I just don't care.
Then the Den-Liner shows up. Now, don't get me wrong I like Den-O, hell Den-O is my very first Kamen Rider series that I finished. But I can't stand how Toei keeps bringing back Den-O like this. Because, just like Pyramid Head in Silent Hill, Den-O got popular, so popular that Toei just, won't, let him die! Den-O's series was good, as well as the three main movies. But since Decade, Toei has been pimping Den-o out like a Brothel with terrible movie after terrible movie and pointless and harmful use after pointless and harmful use. Also, ever since "Let's Go Kamen Rider", every time Den-O is involved in a movie, and he has a speaking role the plot goes down like a cheap call-girl. However this time doesn't count since Den-O and ToQuger are both train themed, so this does make sense to me. (Also Den-O and ToQuger were written by the same person, making even more sense.) Anyway the three combined their mechs into the movie exclusive mess that is ToQ-Oh Kyouryuujin.

Because Zebras!
With this, unholy chimera the ToQugers finishes off the Generalissimo with every other Den-O train, including Zeronos' train. Whatever, the big bad is dead, now to end this thing by finishing off Fifteen. Gaim calls him out by asking how can he even care about Shuu wants if he doesn't even care what he wants? Fifteen says that even if his wish was granted, it still wouldn't make up for the pain of his death.
A: Hey dude, I've been there, do you need someone to talk too? B: Come on, suck it up Cupcake.
Gaim goes for a bit of both telling Fifteen that he's just running from his problems. He finally finishes Fifteen with his Ichigo squash Rider Kick which destroys not only the Fifteen Lockseed but Fifteen's Sengoku driver. Now that the driver is gone I have to call him by his actual name Ren. Gaim tells Ren that he'll never escape his pain unless he faces it. Shuu and the rest of the riders show up with Shuu starting to fade into light. Shuu then tells everyone to tell those who are alive that their futures are bright. Kid you are not in a Mr Japan Jr competition, can the shmaltz.
I, I can't make fun here. I really do feel for this scene.
Gaim asks if there is a way to grant Shuu's wish. Decade said that Ichigo and the rest of the Shōwa Riders should be able to do it if they combine their powers.
And what happened, then? Well, in the world of Riders they say - that Ichigo's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and Ichigo found the strength of *ten* Riders, plus two!
But we already saw the power of Merchandising!
With your powers combined I am Captain Planet!
Thankfully instead of that cheesy Silver Surfer clone showing up the Riders instead teleport Shuu to the lighthouse so he can say goodbye to his mom and dad.
"thump" "thump" That hits me right where I live.
Saki: Ren Aoi, where the hell have you been? Ren: Well honey the good news is it didn't involve alcohol. The bad news was, that it did involve an evil organization trying to merge the Neitherrealm with Earthrealm to bring our son back. Saki: You're sleeping on the couch for a month! Ren: I know.
So, now the bad guys are defeated, the kid gave his parents his final good bye and we can all go home and.
AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!
Stay tuned for the last part of this nightmare and my final thoughts about the movie.

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Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Deadfall is owned by Tristar Pictures and Christopher Coppola  
Silent Hill Downpour is owned by Vatra games and Konami Computer Entertainment
Ultima IX: Ascension is owned by Electronic Arts, Origin Systems, and Richard Garriot AKA Lord British.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is owned by Joel Hodgson,  Best Brains, Syfy, Comedy Central and Shout Factory.
Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.
Dragonball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star.