Tokusatsu Review: Kamen Rider Chaser: Part 1: HENSHIN INTO A GOD OF KIELBASA HOKE HOGAN!!!

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 In the grand money milking tradition of Toei whenever a character in their recent Kamen Rider series is popular they tend to get their own straight to DVD special, in this case the royalties go to Roidmude 000 aka Kamen Rider Chaser. Though to be fair this did seem to be a good idea since even through the first horrible 20 episodes of Drive Chase was the character that got the most focus, which was part of the problem, a villain was getting more focus and development then the main rider. But I went over my complaints with Drive's first 20 episodes already. But yeah the series did manage to turn itself around and it all started with the show finally wrapping up the stupid Chaser subplot, freeing him from the Roidmudes reprograming and becoming a proper Kamen Rider again, from Proto-Drive to Chaser. Now be forewarned Riku Sanjo has a tendency to write his Kamen Rider movies as fully cannon to the series so there will be spoilers so I suggest that you get fully caught up on Drive before reading this.

 So we open on Roidmude 000, being crucified.... what?

This is gonna be one of those movies isn't it? Hang on.

 First scene in the movie people; you can still turn back it's only gonna get crazier from here. Our opening scene continues with 000 being woken up by Krim who at this point recently transferred his consciousness to the Drive Driver. Um Krim quick question, why 000 crucified, why did he need to be crucified to reactivate? If it's just to look cool why not go for Frankenstein imagery or something just something that would make more sense? Moving on he reactivated 000 to use the Drvie Driver and hunt down the Maverick Roidmudes since he installed what he calls a "Perfect Justice" system into it as opposed to Banno who made the other 108 Roidmudes to be mass produced Satins.

 So he equips Krim, becomes Proto Drive and we see a montage of the events of the day of the Global Freeze with Proto Drive destroying Roidmudes left and right, but we of course see that while the bodies can be taken out with little problem the Viral Core, the true body of the Roidmudes can't be destroyed by Proto Drive. We get an additional scene of Roidmude 051 who was playing with money who Proto Drive takes out with literally One Punch.

What? NO NO NO NO!!!

 Oh god that's a horrible thought; if 000 copied the Ultimate Warrior instead of some random beat cop. Actually that would probably make Drive much more awesome, but alas such a reality must unfortunately be left in the hands of fan fic writers. But before Proto Drive can fully get juiced on Jet Jack and deliver a Gorilla Press drop on everyone of the Roidmudes he was captured by 001, Heart and Brain and was royally foked by the three reprograming him to becoming the Roidmude Grim Reaper, whose function was to destroy rogue Roidmudes so their cores can be rebooted, one of which was 051 who still had its money obsession. This all turned out to be a dream Chase was having or as he puts it his memory circuits were misfiring or something. Kiriko woke him to inform him that there's a new Roidmude attack.

 After our title card we cut to the Roidmude, which is 051 who even after being reset twice and copying a human still has his obsession with money.

And good lord look at this asshole!!! He looks like Moe Howard took fashion tips from Steve Urkle and acts like Larrity from Code Monkeys.

 He's about to kill a witness when Kamen Rider Chaser shows up to take him out yet again. Chaser tells the woman to run (which given 051 activated the Heaviness isn't going to be very far) as he engages his old foe, the two recognize each other and 051 results to dirty play as he fires at the fleeing woman, shooting her through her arm and leg. Chaser is good and pissed but a feather dart is lodged into 051's gun, jamming it and forcing him to retreat. The woman who threw the dart is quickly identified as a Roidmude who declares herself to be an ally to all lost Roidmude. She leaves leaving Chaser to tend to the injured woman, so he summons Mad Doctor to heal her and goes after the Roidmude, no no wait he doesn't he stupidly just takes her to a hospital instead, now I know that Mad Doctor can be used on civilians since it was used when 068 went nuts and his over heating caused people to have heatstrokes so what the hell? But there goes me and my logic again.

 What really happens is that Drive and Mach show up and Chaser tells them to go after 051 while he takes the woman to the hospital. We cut to the hospital where Chase is apologizing to the woman, Hinako Tayama for letting 051 get away with shooting her. She tells him not to worry since if he didn't show up when he did she'd most likely be killed. Hinako's brother Hiroshi shows up and the guy is a complete whinus who only talks to his sister and even then is a low hush whisper, and the guy is completely useless. But Hinako explains that he only opens up to her since she's his only family.

 Chase thinks on Kiriko and Go's relationship and offers to protect him until she recovers. But Hiroshi refuses since Chase scares him, yes he's afraid of the guy who saved his only family from a monster. Well since they're at a hospital maybe they can ask a surgeon if they have a spare set of balls to graft onto Hiroshi since he clearly hasn't had his drop yet; the milksop. Yeah from now on I'm calling him Milksop till further notice; Milksop says that Chase creeps him out because he looks too much like a doll. This causes Chase to blue screen for a bit as he flashes back to his photo shoot for his drivers license and the two receptionist girls telling him to try smiling a bit more since he's too serious and scary looking so he tries again here.

HOLY SHIT THAT IS TERRIFYING!!!

I'm starting to agree with Milksop here Chase, sorry buddy but I think Will Smith put it perfectly.

 From that bit of insanity to a new bit of insanity as we find Medic in a library looking up books to help her relationship with Heart and achieve her Super Evolution through love.

I can help you out with that Medic, I know what it's like to evolve for the one you love more then anything in the world. I can help you discover how powerful love really is.

 NOPE, NOPE, NOPE thanks but no thanks dark lord Homucifer she's crazy enough without your help. Yeah I'll get to her soon enough. Back to this we see Brain hiding in the kiddies corner spying on Medic cause he's gonna make sure that bitch doesn't go and take his man! Later that night Heart is confronting the female Roidmude from earlier and her coup to usurp him as the leader of the Roidmudes. She claims that Hearts' belief that all Roidmudes are capable of Super Evolving is a delusion and that if everyone goes with his ideas then the Roidmudes will go extinct. That's when the female Roidmude; 099 reveals that she's attained Super Evolution and already has several followers.

She then reveals her true form as the Angel Roidmude.

 She and her goons leave telling Heart to surrender leadership peacefully and that she'll be back. The next day Chase goes to Rinna and Krim and asks them about becoming more human. While the two think that Chase is still messed up from Roidmude 108's attack (showing that this does take place after Surprise Future) he's serious since he figures that without emotions he can't help those he cares for. Chase explains that while he did copy a human form he didn't copy his emotions. Krim tells him that he's already fine the way he is and that it could mess with his programing. Now I would be inclined to take his word that Chase doesn't need human emotions; but I won't since he's saying that human emotions are unnecessary when he and Rinna are in awe and excited from looking at a solar eclipse!!!! 

 After dealing with that load of hypocritical dicksauce Chase walks off when Angel shows up again with an offer he can't refuse. Then again she tossed one of her feathers which injected him with LSD or something so he's arguably more inclined to listen more then usual. Then again when you're tripping balls you'd be surprised at what you'd do. So be smart kids, don't do drugs, right Mario?

 Chase will have to learn that the hard way as Angel says that she can help him become human as she leads him to her office. She tells Chase that she copied a Psychiatrist that was dying to gain her human form. She claims the Psychiatrist wanted more than anything to heal the human heart. Thus she wants to do the same for the Roidmudes, thus her Golden Feathers or the "Feather Circuit" as she calls it which will install true emotions into the Roidmudes. Now there is just sooooo much that I can't show so you might want to see this for yourself but all I'll say is this. Chase may want to be a real boy but Angel does one better and helps him to become a real man!!! Now the next bits I can show you. Later we see Moe Urkel going crazy wanting to Super Evolve so he can kill Chase, Heart failing to keep him under control and the little twerp flying off to go on an Archer style rampage.

  But now for the really fun part as this is the scene that shows what Chase is like after Angel grafts the Feather Circuit into his body.

 Ladies and Gentlemen, one of my favorite scenes in this movie. With that I think that's where we'll part for today, now that Chase is a real man let's see how his day with Milksop goes next time. Now if you'll excuse me I need a towel.

Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 is owned by EA (Electronic Arts)
Man of Steel is owned by DC Comics, Legendary Pictures, Syncopy and Warner Bros Pictures.
Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion is owned by Gen Urobutchi, Akiyuki Shinbo Studio Shaft, and Aniplex.
Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker and Channel Awesome.
The Ultimate Warrior is owned by WWE.
Hitch is owned by Overbrook Entertainment and Paramount Pictures.

Tokusatsu Review: Kamen Rider Gaim Gaiden Zangetsu & Baron Part 1: THINK OF THE CHILDREN! (Spoilers)

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I've been waiting for these two for quite a while. As I've gone over several times before Gaim is currently my favorite Kamen Rider series and I know I should be throwing a bit of a fit that Toei is going to be milking this as much as they did with Den-O especially since as far as I can tell Urobuchi isn't going to be writing these direct to video spin-offs. Then again he hasn't exactly been having the best of luck with his more recent shows and projects and that personally makes me a bit of a Sad Panda. But hey if Gaim, Madoka, Psycho-Pass and Fate/Zero are his only good stuff then at least right now he has a better hit/miss record in my mind then George Lucas ( and no I haven't seen American Graffiti, it and Psycho-Pass are on my to do list).

But be of good cheer fair readers; these and subsequent Gaim Gaiden movies will be written by Nobuhiro Mōri and Jin Haganeya; both of whom assisted Urobuchi in writing Gaim and the movies so I still have hope for these spin-offs. I don't want to watch bad stuff if I can avoid it, but I do know that if corporations be it gaming, movies, toku whatever know something works they'll exploit the ever loving shit out of it until people get sick of it, just like with Den-O and its stretched out movie series. Now to start this review but first be forewarned; this will contain spoilers for Gaim since these movies take place between episodes 20 and 21 so before you read this go watch up until at least episode 21 then come back.

So we open on Takatora talking to Kouta at the end of episode 20 where Takatora finished showing Kouta the ruins of the Helheim Forest and explaining his plan to slowly kill off 6 billion people so that the remaining 1 billion have a chance of surviving the world being over taken by Helheim in the next ten years. Takatora also says that if Kouta gets in Yggdrasil's way again he's a dead man. Kouta of course is not happy and asks if Takatora really thinks that this plan is right, but he just walks off. Later that night we see some Kurokage Troopers burning down some of Helheim's plants that have started to sprout in Zawame.

The Kurokage troops are Yggdrasil's foot solders/ mass production Kamen Riders.

Suddenly a crack opens and the two stooges are attacked and knocked out, the next morning Takatora and Sid investigate what happened, Takatora thinking that Kouta might be the one responsible. Okay, he has probable cause but any evidence there chief? Sid of course asks what he'll do if Kouta was the culprit. Takatora saying that he'll eliminate him personally. After Sid leaves he says to himself that no matter how many people must be sacrificed it will be his burden to save what's left of humanity from Helheim.

Later on Takatora returns to his mansion where he has a flash back to his father telling him of Noblesse Oblige.

What pre Iron Man Tony Stark should have learned, but hey hindsight is 20/20.

His little brother Mitsuzane tells him that there's someone here to see him. Her name is Touka Akatsuki, she was his father's maid who Takatora hasn't seen since his father collapsed, so I'm guessing she's here to tell him how his father's doing; catch up on what they've been up too and,

awkward.

Yeeeeeaaaahh that's exactly the news he needed to hear, not only is he spearheading a plan to kill about 80% of earth's population but now he just found out his dad's dead; this of course comes as a shock to him. Later on he asks Micchi about his feelings on this news, Micchi says he doesn't feel anything and walks off saying that he has more important concerns then the dead, damn, you cold dude. Takatora flashes back to when he first met Touka when the two were children. She was brought in by Amagi to be Takatora's servant; on her first day she baked Takatora an apple pie, even though he thought it tasted horrible he ate it nonetheless just for her company and the two had a little laugh about how bad it tasted, aaaaawwww he actually had a heart back then. Takatora brought it up during dinner that even though it tasted horrible it was one of the better meals he's ever had.

I know right he almost seems human, like someone who isn't trying to commit near genocide. Go figure.

Later that night Sid is attacked by the crack warping assailant; he pulls out his Cherry Energy Lockseed but the attacker is gone leaving behind some Helheim vines. The next day Yoko confirms that the M.O. of the attacker was the same as the person who attacked the Kurokages. Takatora, more annoyed then anything says that he hopes he's the next target so he can kick the culprit's ass and get it over with already. He thinks he's about to get his wish in the garage, but it just turns out to be Touka who offers him to stay at her place since he seems stressed out. Oh ho hoooo I see where this is going, she wants him to come over and have a piece of her pie.

What? At least it doesn't look burnt and it does look good.

However it still tastes horrible but he still eats it noting on how it brings him back to his childhood. Now I'm not really going to talk much about this sequence aside from showing that Takatora still has some semblance of humanity and may be leading up to his development in the series. The next day at Yggdrasil Yoko sees some Helheim vegetation and follows it to an electrical room where the lights go out and is attacked by a shadowy figure, the figure then transforms into a Rider before running off. Now that Yoko knows that she's dealing with an Armored Rider she pulls out her Peach Energy Lockseed and Genesis Driver and becomes Kamen Rider Marika, she engages the mystery rider before he teleports into another crack, but not before Marika manages to get off two shots into the crack before it closes.

Takatora brings in Ryoma Sengoku, the creator of the Sengoku Drivers, Genesis Drivers and the one responsible for the utilization of Lockseeds. Anyway he says that the attacker is an unknown Armored Rider and since Ryoma knows who got the Sengoku drivers he must know who has this belt, the problem is that if he did know he's not telling since Ryoma is about as ethical as Dr Suchong. Ryoma then remembers to give Takatora a prototype Lockseed he was working on to replace the Suika Lockseed that Micchi stole from him without his knowledge.

The Watermelon Lockseed, and you can just bet it's as safe as a pillow.

Takatora asks if he knows who has the belt but as I said Ryoma doesn't say who but does say that if it wasn't a beat rider, Takatora thinks it must be someone from Yggdrasil. Ryoma asks for more details about the Rider and when Takatora says he can make cracks without a lock vehicle Ryoma starts to worry. That night Takatora is looking through some research files at home to try and find a clue. He doesn't find anything until he discovers a hidden safe behind a painting and the files inside.

Oh that can't mean anything good.

And inside the files Takatora finds a picture of his father, the institute and pictures of children, some with circles on their picture; others with a red X instead and most damning of all a concept drawing of a prototype Sengoku driver. It's skipping ahead here but yeah it's obvious from what's seen here that Amagi was involved with experimenting on children trying to prefect the Sengoku driver. Yeah he was involved with some seriously bad Juju, but hey it's not like we've seen time and time again

that large

organizations

performing

experiments on

children

was a

horribly

unethical,

and insanely

stupid

thing

to do

right?

Right?

Right?!

Why does this shit keep happening?! I mean those were only just examples off the top of my head. But those more then show that Child experimentation leads to horrible, horrible shit and those that survive more often then not end up as genocide seeking nut jobs with a higher kill count then Chin from Hong Kong 97. So as far as we can guess something undoubtedly horrible is just around the corner with this little revelation. We get some confirmation of that assumption as Micchi gets attacked by the Rider but he retreats as soon as Takatora shows up. He pulls out his Melon Energy Lockseed to transform but the Rider uses his control over Helheim to summon a crack and steal the Lockseed with vines.

Takatora decides to head to the abandoned institute to see if he can find any more clues and hopefully find the Rider. Now I would honestly question why he's going alone and not bringing say Yoko or Micchi or even some Kurokage troopers as back-up since we've seen this Rider taking these guys out when they were caught off guard or were unaware of him. But now they know and could easily out number him, sure even though Takatora lost his Energy Lockseed he could either still stick to Normal Zangetsu or hell since he owns the company that researches these things get another Energy Lockseed from Ryoma. Oh wait there goes me and my logic again. So yeah this genius head of a multinational corporation that owns Kamen Rider production tech goes inside the creepy abandoned research institute on his own to track down someone who has a Sengoku driver yet has easily outfought some of his most powerful comrades and stole your Energy Lockseed reducing him to his original form in case something goes fubar.

 So our oh so smart protagonist heads inside and finds that the place is trashed with very clear evidence of a struggle and yet no bodies. He goes into the basement and finds..... the laboratories where Yggdrasil conducted their experiments on the children.

And we know that nasty business was conducted here since it's an abandoned Shocker facility.

I joke but seriously it's the exact same damn location. I've seen waaaay too many of these shows. Also Toei, splurge a bit and get some new sets already jeez!!!

Takatora is of course appalled that not only were these atrocities perpetrated by Yggdrasil but that his father was the one who authorized it all. He notices an Inves hiding in a door but is attacked by the assassin before he can follow it. As the two struggle Takatora manages to pull off his mask revealing Touka. She explains that the purpose of the facility was to raise potential members of Yggdrasil, some as researchers, others as leaders and others as agents in the criminal underworld. The rest that didn't meet their expectations were used as Guinea pigs in Yggdrasil's Helheim research, that Inves seen earlier a result of that research.

She also reveals that she did in fact kill Takatora's father as part of her well deserved revenge plan, but that was just the tip of the iceberg as far as she's concerned, she won't stop until both Yggdrasil and the Kureshima name are reduced to a pile of ash under her boots. However she hates the fact that someone as nice as Takatora is Amagi's son but as long as his blood flows through Takatora's veins she will chase him down to the ends of the earth to kill him. So with her resolve hardened she pulls out her Sengoku driver and the Ringo Lockseed,

where she becomes Kamen Rider Idunn.

Hang on, she could never make her apple pies taste good, she wants to kill Takatora, her Rider Form is based on an Apple and her name is Idunn?!

He tries to reason with her but she's in full blown crazy revengeance mode and won't listen. The fight moves outside; Takatora saying that while he hates his father and knows all the horrible things he's done there will always be one thing that he taught him that he will never discard. Noblesse Oblige, and that no matter how many sins he must commit, no matter what trails comes his way he will hold on to that lesson and save humanity no matter what. With that he pulls out his Sengoku driver and the Prototype Watermelon Lockseed.

Becoming Kamen Rider Zangetsu Watermelon Arms.

The two Riders face off; Idunn using her ability to control Cracks to her advantage outmaneuvering Zangetsu.

There you big baby, you complained soooo much about the testing, how it hurt and hurt, and yet here you are, killing the only man you've loved. Congratulations, you monster. But hey, at least there will be pie in the end, pie that tastes like death. But you should know that already.

But Zangetsu has his own tricks and goes all Reb Brown on her ass by pulling out the Watermelon Gatling gun and chasing her off. Now we know why he doesn't use this in the series, while the Watermelon gun is incredibly powerful the kickback however is far to much, leaving Zangetsu vulnerable to attack. Since he can barely hold on using that weapon he has to make his next shot count or Idunn will kill him. Which he does, unloading a full assault on Idunn when she tries to do another sneak attack forcing her to power down and drop both her Ringo Lockseed as well as the Melon Energy Lockseed. Zangetsu also powers down due to the strain of the kickback from the Watermelon Gun, the two pick up their respective Lockseeds transforming back to Idunn and Zangetsu Shin.

Zangetsu Shin and Idunn hit each other with their respective Squash attacks, but since New Generation Riders are already stronger then Armored Riders, Zangetsu Shin manages to overpower Idunn forcing her to power down again. Zangetsu Shin however can't bring himself to deliver the killing stroke.

Unlike Dr Manhattan, he misses his swing as we cut to Touka making it back to the research lab where she starts to, for lack of a better term rot away, and that's when Ryoma shows up. It turns out that the Ringo Lockseed was created by him back when Amagi was in charge and just like the Yomotsuheguri Lockseed was considered a defective prototype. He only let her use the Lockseed just so he could use her to get more data on the thing. He further explains that the Ringo Lockseed allows people limited control over Helheim proving to him that the Golden Fruit of Helheim exists and now that she's no longer useful to him, he'll kill her just like she did with Amagi.

Nuttier then an almond joy, showing complete disregard for human life yeah it shows, especially with you.

Touka transforms into Idunn again but is too weak to defend herself so Ryoma transforms into Duke and guns her down like a thug. So the first segment ends with Takatora reflecting on what Kouta said and his time with Touka before walking into his home office.

Tune in next time where we take a look at Baron's part of this straight to video special. Hopefully with a bit of a more lighthearted note.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Fullmetal Alchemist is owned by Studio Bones, Square-Enix, Funimation, Viz Media and Hiromu Arakawa.
Bioshock is owned by 2K Boston, 2K Australia, Take-Two Interactive, Ken Levine, Alyssa Finley and 2K Games.
Bioshock 2 is owned by Take2 interactive, 2K Marin, and 2K Australia.
Bioshock Infinite is owned by Ken Levine, Irrational Games, 2K Games amd Take-Two Interactive.
Kill La Kill is owned by Studio Trigger, Hiroyuki Imaishi, Kazuki Nakashima and Aniplex of America.
Mass Effect 2 is owned by Bioware and Electronic Arts.
Metal Gear Rising Revengance is owned by Platinum Studios, Konami and Kenji Saito.
Eureka Seven is owned by Studio Bones, Funimation and Tomoki Kyoda.
F.E.A.R is owned by Monolith Productions, Vivendi Universal and Craig Hubbard.
Monster is owned by Naoki Urasawa, Viz Media and Shogakukan.
Genocyber(OVA) is owned by Koichi Ohata, Shô Aikawa and Central Park Media.
Akira is owned by Katsuhiro Otomo, Tokyo Movie Shinsha, and Toho.
Persona 3 The Movie: No 2 Midsummer Knight's Dream is owned by Atlus, A-1 Pictures and Aniplex.
Persona 4 Arena Ultimax is owned by Atlus, Sega and Arc System Works.
Elfen Lied is owned by Studio Arms and ADV Films.
Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 is owned by EA (Electronic Arts)
Watchmen (Film) is owned by Zach Snyder, Legendary Pictures, DC Comics, Lawrence Gordon Productions and Warner Brothers Entertainment.

Tokusatsu review: Kamen Rider Drive episode 1: Start your Engines!

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Alright, my first review of the first episode of a brand new Kamen Rider series. Now this show, Kamen Rider Drive has quite a bit to live up too. Not only is this the show that allows the Heisei era of Kamen Rider to surpass the Shōwa era, but it is the 16th series of said era; which is following Gaim. The series that many fans of the Toku genre claim to not only be the best written series since Kamen Rider Black; but the best of the Heisei era in general. No pressure right?
                              
Oh suck it up. We open on a rainy night as the narration tells us about how the end of the world can occur in the blink of an eye. When all of a sudden the world starts to slow down as monsters appear out of nowhere. By slow down I mean, it's almost as if the world is lagging, you could still talk but your body can't keep up. The monsters on the other hand can move through the lag with no problem, going at normal speed.

I'm siiiiiiinging in the raiiiiin, just siiiiinging in the raiiiin.

These are the monsters of the series, the Roidmudes. There are three basic models of these guys. The Spider Roidmudes, the Bat Roidmudes and the Cobra Roidmudes. Why those three animals? As an homage to the first three monsters from the original series, Spider Man, Bat Man and Cobra Man. As monsters are want to do they start killing as many people as they can, who have no way to defend themselves, especially since they can barely move. No joke, these things are not playing around, throwing fireballs at shops filled with people, throwing giant ceramic bowling pins ( from a nearby bowling alley) at large, immovable crowds and throwing giant bowling balls, (again from a display from a nearby bowling alley) at buildings and just killing as many people as they can.With enough explosions to make Michael Bay grin like the Joker.

Yes, the Global Freeze which is why it's mostly focused around Japan and the easternmost parts of China judging by this shot, okay.

We then cut to a fight where the Narrator says that that was the day that his time stopped. We see some Detectives fighting some criminals near the docks or an industrial area who I assume are gun runners since we see them firing handguns and shotguns at the Detectives. I say they're gunrunners because Japan's gun control laws are actually worth a shit. The weapons law begins by stating that "No-one shall possess a fire-arm or fire-arms or a sword or swords", and very few exceptions are allowed. However, citizens are permitted to possess firearms for hunting and sport shooting, but only after submitting to a lengthy licensing procedure. And this gun registration and licensing is strict as hell. Of course law officials are allowed to carry firearms so there's that. Anyway the two detectives seem to be holding their own when they start to glitch out. One of the detectives calls out for his partner Hayase as he provides covering fire, however due to the lag he misses and hits a nearby tank of flammable substances which of course explodes sending Hayase falling down a floor. The cop tries to run to Hayase but Hayase gets crushed by some over hanging girders and the detective couldn't make it in time due to the lag.

Red: Do ya think we should help? Green: After they made all those "Need for Speed" movies? I say we get some Marshmallows. Purple: But I want Hotdogs. Red & Green: Shut up!

 We cut to what looks like some Hot Wheels over looking the destruction of the city. They summon a small road so they can attack the Roidmudes. These little boogers are actually pretty strong, the red one can turn into a fireball, the green one can cover itself in razor sharp spikes that can drill right through a Roidmudes torso, and the Purple one can create clones of itself which throw energy Shurikens. The three destroyed Roidmudes turn into giant floating numbers who then retreat. We then cut to what looks like Drive as we cut to our opening sequence. We then cut to half a year later as we see our hero driving a car that looks so sleek it would make Jeremy Clarkson envious.

Some say that he once made a exact scale replica of the Tokyo tower in five minutes, using only chopsticks. Others say that he was once known as a Superhero known as Kamen Rider Drive, all we do know is; he's called The Stig.

Now I have some concerns right away about this series. See, there's this little thing about Japan and particularly it's media that rubs me the wrong way. (Aside from fan service in some anime series, but that's a discussion for another time.) See, some Japanese writers typically love to depict their law enforcement officers in one of three ways, corrupt, incompetent or dogshit useless, usually all three. And from what little we've seen so far of this series and from the opening it looks like it will focus on a cop and members of the MPD to fill out the side-cast. Now this rubs me the wrong way because, its not the best thing in the world to insult the people who are trying to keep your city safe from thieves, rapists, arsonists and murderers, just saying. Now of course I'm not some naive putz that thinks that everyone who puts on a badge is doing it for all the right reasons.

Hell this SOB is one of my favorite examples of that.

The point is, I don't make fun of cops. And for any viewers of mine that does think this way about the majority of cops, go ahead, insult an officer, spit in their face while you're at it, see what happens. Especially when someone breaks into your house and starts killing your family right in front of you, I double dog dare you! My bet is that once they find out your name the phone line might suddenly be disconnected. To balance my fears we did have previous Kamen Riders who were involved in Law-enforcement, G3 and Accel immediately spring to mind. (I don't count W since he's a PI, not a uniformed officer.) Hell the majority of the Metal Heroes are law-enforcement officers, the Space Sheriffs, Winspector, Jiban and Janperson spring to mind. And do I even need to remind you of the Dekarangers A.K.A Power Rangers S.P.D? Maybe this won't be so bad, but just to be sure I'll look for the appropriate clips. Shinnosuke goes on to explain that after the Global Freeze people are paranoid and have special apps to report to the Police if they feel or see the glitching which they call "The Heaviness". Called so due to the lag causing feeling of heaviness on every-point on a humans body which limits their movement.

Well, at least it's not Ebola!

After that no doubt dated and offensive joke we cut to Shinnosuke lazing about on the grass.

Our hero everyone, a frigging laid back sloth.

I think I may have spoke too soon. Thankfully some else on the force has the same attitude that I have about Shinnosuke's lazing about.

The voice of reason on the show, ladies and gentlemen.

Kiriko handcuffs the putz, Shinnosuke tries to run away but Kiriko throws her shoe at his head.

She then shows him how she knew where he was.

She's apparently less his partner and more of his babysitter.

What kills me is the little manga drawings of Shinnosuke in her notes about his schedule. Who drew those? Honestly? And like his babysitter, she drags Shinnosuke back to their precinct the Kuruma Department of Motor-vehicles to do his actual work. Now for us to get established here.

a.a.k.a the crank case room.

This is our team briefing room and general conference area. Now we have a good look time to meet the side cast.

Oh my god scary face!

Aside from having a smile that will haunt my nightmares, Jun here is also a goofy mook who obsesses over his fortune telling lucky colors.

You can just tell this guy was bully chow as a kid.

Kyuu is mostly there to do my job, surf around the net looking for articles and clues on chat rooms, social networks and whatnot that may give information to the SCD and their current cases.

Hello, Nurse.

Rinna is their R&D department who creates various devices to help with Heaviness related cases, who acts like she's a few tacos short of a fiesta. Basically think of her as a live action Zoë Hange from Attack on Titan and you'll get the picture. Now that basic introductions are out of the way Jun explains that they're finally getting put on a real case. Apparently there have been several attempted murders in the last few weeks in a specific area that has been reporting several occurrences of the Heaviness. However apparently someone named Otta will be their go-between, Shinnosuke isn't too thrilled by this since apparently if Otta is their go-between, more people are going to give the SCD the cold shoulder then they do now. Shinnosuke sits in his car and thinks to himself, flashing back to when Hayase was killed.

Apparently Shinnosuke has been driving around in a remodeled KIT from Night Rider

No it's not KIT but close enough, Shinnosuke does know the voice though he doesn't know whose it is. Apparently NOTKIT here was the one who arranged Shinnosuke to be transferred to SCD for easy deployment and was the one who gave him the car. Shinnosuke tells him that he should have picked someone else since he's a lazy fool, no kidding. But at least he's aware of his problem. NOTKIT says that's that he's a superman and that he's just forgotten how to "start his engine" as he puts it. We cut to a skate-park/ basketball court where the Heaviness is occurring. A couple check their Heaviness detection app and confirms it, where a man in a green hood shows up. Shinnosuke checks the car to find the source of the voice and finds it, A belt attached to the dash board of the car. The belt then attaches himself to Shinnosuke.

Dude, stop being so happy that you're near his crotch, you've just met and he might not swing that way!

Kiriko shows up and tells Shinnosuke that there's been another attempted murder attempt. She's already transferred the coordinates to the Car's GPS. The Belt knowing that Shinnosuke doesn't have two brain cells to rub together, decides to drive the car their remotely and straps Shinnosuke to his seat. We cut to the skate-park where we meet the last of our supporting cast.

Does Shinnosuke listen to Rock and Roll? He does?! Arrest him, take his badge and tar and feather him!

We then get a good example of why the SCD team isn't taken seriously.

What? Don't your cops show up at crime scenes wearing props that would have been laughed off the set of Clones of Bruce Lee?

You have some weird cops then. Pft. Otta clearly as embarrassed as I am asks what is up with the Dr Seuss gizmos. Shinnosuke says that they're apparently supposed to detect gravity surge particles. Shinnosuke asks Otta what happened to the corpse, Otta says that he isn't dead but that there have been four other victims with the same condition since last week. Otta also says something so stupid that I'm not even going to comment on it.

Krusty if you don't mind?

And then the smug prick just walks off. You see what I mean about Japan portraying their police officers as incompetent assholes? Shinnosuke then notices something near one of the Evidence markers.

Hang on, I'm pretty sure you don't tamper with a crime scene. Call me crazy.

Judge Doom would not be happy let me tell you. The makeshift P.K.E meter goes off with the belt telling Shinnosuke that the culprit might be near and sure enough the world starts lagging again. Shinnosuke sees the man with the green hood from before and notices that he's walking through the Heaviness just fine. He then transforms into a Roidmude.

029? Is that his assembly number or something?

He then picks up Shinnosuke, commenting on how lively he is. The belt then summons what he calls "Shift Cars" which turn out to be the Hot Wheels from before. They manage to hold him off before he retreats. Back at the ranch, Rinna starts interviewing Otta about his first experience with the Heaviness, Otta still doesn't believe in the Heaviness; even though he experienced it first hand.

Kyuu says that everyone on the Net knows that Gravity Surges are a portent of the Roidmudes' rampages. Otta continues his outright stupidity by saying that unless he sees something he doesn't believe it. Normally I'd agree but you have several witnesses saying the exact same thing, including your colleagues who were standing right next to you, looking behind you that saw the whole thing! Also there was that little rampage six months ago, who do you think caused that, Goblins? Shinnosuke decides to bring the gift of logic and brings a composite of the man in the green hood. He then adjusts his tie, Kiriko comments that Shinnosuke has shifted into gear. Specifically his brain's gear.

I seriously want to know who drew this! They just look adorable.

Apparently Shinnosuke was an Elite in the Special Investigations Department before he transferred to the S.C.D. I'll get into my theories on this later, right now Tomari (I'm calling him that for now since everyone else seems too) is sprinting all over town looking for people who know the person from the composite shot. The man is identified as Masuda Nobuo, who was a regular at a local sports club. The Belt comments that the face is the same but the hair is different. As well as having a completely different Physique from the attack. Masuda follows someone coming out of the sports club to a park where he attacks after transforming into 029. Tomari tries to stop him but 029 causes the heaviness to stop him where he starts turning the man red.

Now we really know what made the Red man red.

Stupid fucking white man

Anyways the belt summons the Red Shift car; Max Flare which lands into a car slot on Tomari's belt which allows him to move through the Heaviness normally. He tries to fight 029 but a Spider and Bat Roidmude show up to back 029 up. Apparently there are various levels of Heaviness since even with one Shift Car Tomari still can't move when the two new Roidmudes activate the Heaviness. The Bat and Spider nearly kill Tomari when the Car shows up to block their laser blasts. Kiriko gets out and starts kicking the Roidmudes asses when Tomari notices she has the green and purple Shift cars on her with the same clip that's on Tomari's belt. She tells him to quit screwing around and fight. Tomari asks why she knows about the belt but she tells him that there's no time to explain. The belt sends the car, called Tridoron to fire at the Roidmudes. Tomari asks Belt (yes that is what he calls the belt) what he should do, Belt says to transform, he then summons a red Shift Car and Tomari's Henshin device called the Shift Brace and instructs him on how to transform. Belt says that Tomari lost something precious in the past, but he can save it now. As long as he has his comrades he can move faster then anyone, even in a gravity surge, as the warrior Drive. Tomari then Transforms and we finally get our first look at Drive.

Kamen Rider Drive Type Speed.

He then proceeds to fight the three Roidmudes. He seems to be holding his own until 029 gets in on the action; Kiriko sends out the other two Shift Cars called Spike and Shadow over to Drive. Thanks to the Shift Cars Drive can change the abilities of the tire on his torso. Drive then swaps Shift Cars to Max Flare, giving him a tire with flame shaped protrusions and fire powers. He uses the Shift Bracer to summon a flaming wheel to launch at 029 creating a flaming vortex when it hits. Of course Bat and Spider aren't done and attack again, Drive changes again to Funky Spike which can launch energy spike projectiles and while he's holding an opponent can spin at super speeds which throws the Spider Roidmude into the air and destroys it leaving behind a floating set of numbers, 042. The Bat Roidmude, 088 and 029 are not amused. Drive changes again to Midnight Shadow which creates giant energy shurikens. He destroys 088 and throws more shurikens to destroy the floating numbers which really gets 029 angry. Belt tells Drive to change back to Speed Tire to finish him. He does so and finishes off 029 with his Rider Kick. The energy number retreats while Drive goes to check on the victim. He's safe but Tomari notices a foil strip next to the victim and takes it. Later that night Kiriko takes Tomari to a secret location underneath the Kuruma station.

OMG Bruce Wayne is Batman!

No this is the Drive Pit, which will act as their base. Kiriko says that nobody knows about this place, not even the S.C.D. Belt congratulates Tomari on his success on his first case. Tomari however thinks that it's not over yet, he questions whether 029 was trying to kill his victims and looks at the two scraps from the crime scenes. We cut to the number of 029 gasping for breath when this guy shows up.

We end the first episode with 029 entering the car Heart is holding, transforming into a ball of light with Heart grinning. So for a first episode it's not too bad. It does exactly what it has to do, set the tone for the series, a general layout of how these episodes will play out, the characters and how they work off each other and establishing our villains. We also get some intrigue about Belt, Tomari and Kiriko. Why is Tomari Drive, what is the connection to Drive and the Roidmudes, what exactly are the Roidmudes up too and so on. Time for me to go into theories on Tomari, based on Kiriko's observations and what we saw during the Global Freeze; Tomari probably used to be a very serious, intelligent officer, but after the incident with Hayase he seems to have mental trauma and survivors guilt, which manifests as this new laid back attitude as a coping mechanism and mental repression. And when he adjusts his tie that could be a temporary break from the trauma. He may have actually been Drive but that knowledge and previous relationship between Kiriko and Belt could have also been repressed. Kiriko does seem to know more about the Drive powers here since she was the one to show Tomari how to use Belt and showed him where the Drive Pit is. Hopefully we will get some answers in the upcoming episodes. Now for the rest of these episode recaps I will switch to V-Logs. If I keep doing every episode like this I'll never be able to get them out in a timely manner. Keep an ear to the ground people.

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Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Saturday Night live is  owned by Lorine Michaels, NBC Studios and Broadway Video.
Silent Hill Downpour is owned by Vatra games and Konami Computer Entertainment.
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is owned by Capella International, KC Medien, Moving Pictures, Eric's Boy, New Line Cinema, and Alliance Communications.
The Simpsons are owned by Matt Groening, Gracie Films, and 20th Century Fox Television.
Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 is owned by EA (Electronic Arts)
Peter Pan (1953) is owned by Walt Disney Productions, RKO Radio Pictures, J.M. Barrie and Walt Disney.