Movie Review: The Happytime Murders: Law and Order PD Puppet Division (No Spoilers)

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Ok, lets get this out of the way right now.

 Yes the Happytime Murders seems to have taken more then a fair bit of inspiration from this season 1 Family Guy joke about childhood puppet icons in a gritty crime drama. But where this was a four minute gag The Happytime Murders is at least an hour and a half long but thankfully doesn't overstay its welcome. Though given the length I still feel it honestly could have gone a little bit further in terms of the comedy. But what we have is more then serviceable as far as a high concept dirty comedy is concerned. Not bad for what's essentially Who Framed Roger Rabbit mixed with Let my Puppets Come. (Yes that is a real movie.)

 The premise is that this is an alternate universe where Puppets are fully sentient but are considered second class citizens. But hey on the plus side there's apparently no human racism because it doesn't matter who you are, as long as you're not a puppet you're good. Our main character is a Puppet PI named Phil Philips (played by Bill Barretta) whose brother was a cast member on a groundbreaking puppet sitcom called the Happytime Gang that is about to be released for syndication. But the original cast members start getting killed off once by one, including Phil's brother so he's recruited by the L.A PD as a consultant to solve the case. But he has to deal with not only normal puppet discrimination but also his bitter Ex Partner Connie Edwards (Played by Melissa McCarthy) to solve the mystery before any more of his old friends die.

 The initial premise has a fair bit of comedic potential and some of the gags are out there yet grounded so that we can see the parallels between the Puppets situations and how it correlates to the real world. Also the fact that these normally depressing and disgusting acts are being done by Henson quality puppets adds to the absurdity and the humor. I'm not going to go into too much detail but I will say this, after this movie you'll never look at cows the same way again. Either way this has childhood puppets doing fucked up shit, basically a Robot Chicken movie. Though not quite as hilarious as that show but then again I guess we could have just been spoiled by shows like Robot Chicken for a long time, maybe if this came out in like the early 2000's this movie might have been seen as groundbreaking but as it is it's still a Funtime regardless.

 But some critics who really didn't take too kindly to this movie have even gone on to call this "The Worst Movie of all time". Now I'm not naming names but really, the worst movie of all time? Worse then Manos the Hands of Fate (Non MST3K version), worse then Gerry, worse then Cyrus, worse then the Castle of Fu Man Chu, worse then North, worse then anything produced by Happy Madison or Pure Flix? Yeah ok, no no no no no no that is 100% bullshit. This is just a dirty comedy, not every movie with the slightest hint of subversion has to be this biting gripping social commentary.

 Though the critics at least have to admit that the puppetry in this movie is top tier. I haven't seen a whole lot of puppet based entertainment as the rest of my body of work would indicate but I recognize good craftsmanship when I see it. With a combination of Green screen and actual puppets this movie really convinced me that these puppets were really moving of their own accord, essentially a modern update of Bunraku, though admiringly with the green screen and CGI helping it is kind of cheating but still has the same principal from what I can tell. Especially with some of the more physical comedy bits I could hardly tell there was a puppeteer on set. Sure it's not the same with every shot with a puppet in it where you could easily guess where the puppeteer is hiding but definitely with the more complicated sequences you can see the genuine Henson talent behind the strings.

 Besides I'll always take actual, physical props that the actors can interact with over unconvincing, cheap CGI any day. Also keep in mind at the time of writing this article I saw BlacKkKlansman in the same week that I saw this movie, I've got more then my fair share of social commentary for a while. From what I can tell you this is just what the Doctor ordered after watching something that close to home. When I read these main stream critic's complaints I'm reminded of something that another subversion of childhood icons said.

 It reminds me of one summer day in the park. I was having just a delightful picnic with my good friend Orville. And I said to him, I said, 'Orville, I...I have a story.' And he said to me, 'What's the significance of the story?' And...I said to him, 'Orville, not every story has to have significance, y'know? Sometimes, a...y'know, sometimes, a story's just a story. You try to read into every little thing, and find meaning in everything anyone says, you'll just drive yourself crazy. Had a friend do it once. Wasn't pretty. We talked about it for years. And then not only that, but...you'll likely end up believing something you shouldn't believe, thinking something you shouldn't think, o-o-or assuming something you shouldn't assume. Y'know? Sometimes,' I said, 'a story is-is just a story, so just be quiet for one second of your life and eat your sandwich, okay?' 

 Though the more I think about it I can't help but think that the critics who slam this movie are continuing the joke of the movie. Namely the discrimination against puppets. I mean think about it, the puppets are treated like dirt all throughout the movie, especially with Phil in regards to his backstory and now we have real life critics tearing this movie, the first mainstream R rated Puppet movie (as far as I know) to shreds because not a freaking Muppet movie or some crap like that, I honestly can't help but think that that's the case. Now like Mr Hippo said I could be reading too much into this but I can't help it; it just kind of makes sense to me. Either way with the reception this movie's gotten I wouldn't be surprised if it emerges as some sort of cult movie or something, kind of like UHF or Buckaroo Banzai.

 I could honestly be wrong about all of this but again I'm just an average dude trying to tell everyone to ignore the critics and see a movie where puppets make dick jokes for god's sake. Now don't get me wrong sometimes critics are 100% right, but not every movie the critics slam is a Michal Bay Transformers movie sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and judge it for yourself. You can listen to my advice or you can flat out ignore me, either way it's all up to you as long as you've seen it and judge by your own perspective. This might not have been the intent of the Happytime Murders but that's what I got out of it. Next week we'll be finishing up my review of Kamen Rider Heisei Generations Final, look forward to it.

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

The Happytime Murders is owned by Brian Henson, Black Bear Pictures, Henson Alternative, STX Entertainment H.Brothers and On the day productions.
Family Guy is owned by Seth Mcfarline, 20th century fox television, Fuzzy door Productions and Fox Television animation. 
Five Nights at Freddy's is owned and created by Scott Cawthon.

Personal Post: Halloween List: Top 10 Favorite Monsters in fiction Part 1

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

"These classic monsters shall be "Sirs and Lady not appearing on this list."

 It’s that time of year again folks. A time of monsters, ghouls, candy, over-commercialization and your local retailers to start pushing out the Christmas crap that’s been siting on the floor since September. Now I personally just ignore Halloween as much as I can these days since it’s bored me to tears, mostly due to me getting older and finding cosplay to just not work for me. (Not dissing people who do like cosplay it’s just not my thing, though I would love an Organization 13 black-coat or Zero from Code Geass’ outfit those are awesome!) Also I can never go all out in scaring people unless I get complaints from whiny idiots who think I’m too scary. Um guys it’s Halloween you’re supposed to be scared, that’s kind of the point! 

 But being a Tokustusu fan via Power Rangers and Beetleborgs since I was a kid I’ve always loved creative, creepy and powerful monsters. So for this year I’m going to go over what I consider to be my favorite monsters in fiction. Now there will be some ground rules, only one monster per franchise if needed, they don’t have to be overtly designed to be monsters and their background has to be interesting to me. Also bonus points if they actually do scare me or creep me out which is kind of hard to do. Now keep in mind this is just my list and mostly tend to revolve around things that I’ve already seen or am familiar with so if you don’t see your favorite monster, spook or demon you know why. So let’s start with the fabulous #10.

#10 Kars from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

 Now while I know that Dio is the most famous villain in the series, is the main threat to the Joestar family and even caused the reset of the universe via his boy toy Enrico what people tend to overlook is how did he even set these events in motion? The stone mask that made him into a vampire that allowed him to live far past his era, and who was the one who created the Mask in the first place? Kars that’s who, so in essence without Kars there would be no Dio. But there’s more to Kars then just the unintended consequences of his actions, as the survivor/destroyer of The Pillar Men he, EsiDsi and Whamu began a campaign to find the Red Stone of Ajha which, combined with a special stone mask would allow the one who uses it to become the Ultimate Life-form without having to make a deal with the Black Arms or create an energy leach with the help of a literally twisted outer monster. Even when he wasn’t the ultimate life form his powers, intellect and skill were no joke. He could grow blades out of his arm which had a lightning fast chain running along it which could cut through anything, he could contort his body to fit in even the smallest crevice and could even survive in extreme temperatures with little to no outer protection.

 But when he did become the ultimate life form he was unstoppable, shapeshifting, resistance to sunlight, and he could even use the Ripple to far more devastating effects then even Joseph could manage. Also the thing he did with the squirrel. 

 Hell he’s technically not even dead, the only way Joesph managed to stop him was to launch himself and Kars into outer space where Kars broke so far through the stratosphere he was sucked into space, becoming completely calcified and eventually stopped thinking only wishing for the death that will never come. Thus proving why I feel Kars is the best monster in Jojo and why Joseph is best Jojo despite him being Josuke’s absentee dad.

#9 The Animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Yes another mention of FNAF, no still not playing any of them.

 Yes these things scare me, no it’s not just because of the jump scares. It’s the design and backstory of these poor beasts is what sells them for me. For those who haven’t been paying attention to the games lore, haven’t seen MatPats’ FNAF theories videos or who’ve never played them here’s a quick summation (Spoilers) The original five Animatronics Freddy, Golden Freddy, Chica, Bonny and Foxy are possessed by the souls of children who were murdered at a Freddy Fasbear’s pizza by the infamous Purple Guy aka William Afton and every night when the restaurant closes they roam the halls of the place looking for their killer so they can extract their vengeance on the psychotic child murderer.

 Now that was just the backstory for the original Animatronics because it gets way more complicated from there. I’m talking about possessed puppets, zombies stuck in suits, hallucinations of these Animatronics (which still are my favorite designed versions of them) and even robots that have gone full sky net and stuffed themselves into a human skin just to escape the facility where they were experimented on, and I’m not joking about any of that. But just to make them even more creepy they may be based off of Yokai, to see how here’s a link to a video from Gaijin Goomba who can explain it far better then I could. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMQQp7nvUtE

 And since at the time of this article there’s talks of a movie about this franchise I doubt that our friends at Fazbears pizza or the Purple Guy will be going away anytime soon. So for those unfortunate souls who work the night shift, watch your step and make sure you don’t see the Golden one, if not you’ll be sorry.

#8 Freddy Kreuger from A Nightmare on Elm Street

The man of your dreams, the Springwood slasher, Pizza The Hut's satanic cousin whatever you want to call him you know him by his Christmas sweater, burnt face, dirty fedora and that classic glove.

  Let me take you all on a trip to one of the (apparently) best decades, the 80’s. Rock N Roll was on top of the world, disco was dying and some of the best movies around were in the middle of production. But at the tail end of the 70’s came a little movie called Halloween which many consider to be the grandfather of all slasher movies. Then the late great Wes Craven decided to give his own spin on the slasher killer genre and thus A Nightmare on Elm Street and the Iconic (proper iconic not Ubisoft iconic) dream demon Freddy Kreuger.

 The bastard son of 100 maniacs Freddy was a notorious child killer/implied molester who was let off due to a mistake in police procedure. Thus was burnt to death in an act of vigilante justice by the parents of Springwood but survived by making a pact with dream demons to exact revenge by killing their children from the one place where their parents could never protect them, their dreams. So for 8 movies and several comics the Springwood slasher killed the children of Springwood in various sadistic, humorous and brutal ways. For the first two movies his spree was all business though he undoubtedly derived pleasure from his slow torture of his victims. But past Part 3 he starts to get more then a bit silly with an increasingly campy and goofy tone hitting a climax of not scary with Freddy’s Dead the final Nightmare, with such highlights as the Wile e Coyote homage,  The wicked Witch of Elm Street, and lest we forget a more shameless plug in for Nintendo then the entirety of “The Wizard”. 

 And the less we talk about the TV series the better. Granted he did get better with New Nightmare and Freddy Vs Jason but too little too late. The Michael Bay remake certainly didn’t help matters. Hell at this point his most dignified appearance past the movies was Mortal Kombat 9 where it’s all but confirmed that he’s the ruler and master of the Dreamworld which is apparently a realm that’s on Shao Khan’s radar. Sadly the death of Wes Craven back in 2015 means that we may not be graced with the man of our dreams again on the big screen but you can always see him when you hear his ringtone. 

#7 Walter Sullivan and his Victims From Silent Hill 4

Been a while since we've seen this guy, yes the serial killer with even more messed up Mommy issues then Norman Bates and Sephiroth combined along with his enslaved victims. 

 Of the original 4 Silent Hill games the best according to popular consciousness is Silent Hill 2. But I know that everyone and their mother is sick to death of Pyramid Head showing up on these types of lists and so am I. While I do appreciate him for the part he played in that game; over-saturation of Pyramid Head has pretty much ruined him for me. Besides while I did find him unnerving and disturbing he never really was all that scary to me. But Walter Sullivan and his victims are in my opinion the most terrifying and intriguing monsters in this franchise.

 In Silent Hill 4 Tommy Wiesau’s Revenge the main villain; ritualistic serial killer Walter Sullivan was brainwashed and abused by The Order since childhood to learn the 21 Sacraments ritual to resurrect his “mother” Apartment 302. These sacraments in question first consisted of the first 10 victims having their hearts removed after killing them, Walter himself via suicide and lastly the last 10 having to revolve around certain themes and “roles” that are required for the ritual. Oh and it gets better, see when Walter killed himself after his first rampage he was revived as a near invincible Ghost to finish the last of the Sacraments and resurrect his “mother” aka most likely The Order’s god Samael.

 Oh and the characters that protagonist Henry Townsend encounters die and become Ghosts that serve Walter and desperately try to kill you. The worst one by far is The Twin Victims monsters, representing the two child victims of Walters first rampage Billy and Miriam Locane which become this horrific demon that walks on its two hands, has two heads that looks like crying babies and when they see you point and whisper “receiver” pointing to Henry’s role as the 21st victim “the receiver of wisdom”, nothing short of nightmare inducing.

 The actual Ghosts are nothing to sneeze at either, Cynthia becomes something out of The Grudge, Jasper becomes a drunk Human Torch, Andrew (the only one you have to pin down but that’s for later) is a bloated, singing wrecking ball and Richard is a teleporting Electro. There’s other ghosts too but the ones Henry meets are the most unique and most troublesome. Not only can they all hurt you by just being near you but the only way to get rid of them is to pin them with a Sword of Obedience, and guess what? There’s more Ghosts then Swords in the game so you’re going to be stuck with some of them no matter what!

 Not to mention Walter himself, when you first encounter him he does nothing but leave behind a cursed doll. Benign at first but when you start the second half of the game he occasionally pops up in a level and will chase you down relentlessly! And when he finds you he’ll duel wield guns and try to gun you down like he was Revolver Ocelot and as far as I can remember the only way to get rid of him is to warp back to Room 302. So an annoying invincible Ghost and his victims trying to kill you in order to resurrect a demon, Walter Sullivan definitely seems like a particular homeless guy that you may want to give a spare 5 bucks too, it may just save your life.

#6 The Heartless from Kingdom Hearts.

Never before have the legions of evil been so cute. Get the plushies now at your local Disney store/ Hot Topic!

 Now like everyone I was apprehensive about Kingdom Hearts when I first saw the commercials on TV all those years ago, I was thinking “Disney and Final Fantasy?! God that’s never gonna work.” Then I saw some actual gameplay of the Parasite Cage fight when I was at a friends apartment visiting my Granny in New York City and the rest is history. While it was cool to go to Disney worlds and sometimes meet Final Fantasy characters there needed to be a source of conflict and boy the Heartless fill that role in more ways then one. In story the Heartless are manifestations of the darkness that dwell in the heart given physical form. Most of them are mindless beasts that have a single goal, consume more hearts. The main villain Xehanort and his various incarnations use the Heartless as Solders in his quest to obtain the source of all hearts, Kingdom Hearts and see what lies beyond the destruction and rewriting of the entire universe.

 But there’s also the Nobodies which should really have their names switched but that’s what happens when what was supposed to be a one shot game becomes a massive success and the demand for sequels crops up, expanded lore tends to just be cobbled together and not everything is going to make sense. But back to the Heartless there are two types, The Purebloods which are naturally created Heartless, they show less cartoony and colorful designs and just look like pure manifestations of evil; save for the Shadows, they just look kind of cute. The second types are Emblem Heartless named after the distinct Emblems these Heartless have somewhere on their bodies. Emblems were the result of Xehanort’s experiments trying to artificially recreate the process by which hearts become Heartless. These Emblems are often themed around certain motifs related to a specific world, like for example Halloween town has spooky monster themed Heartless like the Wright Knight and Gargoyles while Agrabah has Bandits, Fat Bandits and other Arabian themed Heartless.

 While these guys are not exactly what you’d call scary their variety in design and powers on top of their downright horrifying origin makes them an impressive menace to plague the world of the Kingdom Hearts universe. Though if you want to see creatures that do the “manifestations of pure darkness” thing with a more serious (and better executed) tone that’s what part two of this list is for. So for my honorable mentions and the rest of the proper list join me next time, if you’d be so kind?

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Five Nights at Freddy's is owned and created by Scott Cawthon.
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is propriety of Hirohiko Araki, David Production, Tokyo MX, Warner Bros Entertainment and Viz Media.
Silent Hill 4: The Room is propriety of Konami Computer entertainment. #FucKonami
Kingdom Hearts is owned by Square Enix, Disney Interactive Studios, Tetsuya Nomura, and Shinji Hashimoto.
A Nightmare on Elm Street is owned by Wes Craven, New Line Cinema, Media Home Entertainment and Smart Egg Pictures.

Personal Post: My opinion of Five Nights at Freddy's: I don't want a heart attack.

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Well here we are people another year another Five Nights at Freddy's game to make people scream and shit their pants at the sight of Animatronic demons. And I am SO not one of those people. Alright look I'll give my opinion of these games as succinctly as I can. I respect Five Nights at Freddy's but I'll never play any of those games for as long as I live. I do however like these games, not for the actual games themselves but what they mean for the gamer community itself, not just the indie developers.

 FNAF stands as a shining example of what happens when you properly listen to critics, don't let yourself get bogged down by negativity, have a solid and simple concept, and just good old fashioned hard work, care and respect for your fans. Now I may be talking out of my old poop shoot but that's just what I feel when I look at Scott and the relatively short history of this franchise. I mean it's only been 2 years since the first game showed up on Steam and it's almost up there with Mario in terms of Gaming iconography (I mean real iconic not Ubisoft iconic (sorry for borrowing that one Jim)) I mean it's crazy we've got the six games, FNAF action figures, FNAF novels, FNAF movies, FNAF T-Shirts, FNAF coloring books, FNAF Dogtags.

FNAF THE FLAMETHROWER!!!! Which ironically some people would desperately want when playing these games.

 I can honestly respect FNAF and Scott for not just how this franchise was created but how the man sets an example for developers. Mostly regarding the FNAF World fiasco, for those unaware between FNAF 4 and Sister Location Scott released a FNAF RPG which was buggy, not properly explained and was generally not well received so Scott decided to offer refunds for everyone who purchased the game from Steam and FNAF world is currently free to download. From what I've seen not only is it Scott dropping hints for FNAF Sister Location but it's just kind of a chance for Scott to take the piss out of himself like Stephen King's movie Maximum Overdrive.

I mean he created a Star Fox parody where Freddy and his pals go into space to fight a crazed version of himself for the Emperor's sake, how can you not appreciate that?

 Now to be honest FNAF World just might be the only one of these games I can see myself getting through but other then that NOPE! Now again It's not that I hate these games or believe that the hype is overblown but just that I do not like jump scares; and when I have to deal with these mechanical demons coupled with the jump scares and loud noises they might cause me to have a heart attack or hurt my hearing when I have to keep the volume up to hear them out; something I would like to avoid as much as possible. One of the things I do like about these games is the lore and the history of the Animatronics, the Purple Guy and all the horrible events tied around this fictional Pizza franchise. Now some people say that it's overly complicated and Scott just keeps adding more nonsense on top of more nonsense, to some extent I may agree but then again I can follow the mythos of Bioshock and Kingdom Hearts so make of that what you will. At least this isn't nearly as complicated as the Tommy Westphall universe and it's all encompassing Lovecraftian tendrils.

 Now to give my thoughts on less controversial material just general aesthetic choices. I personally like the designs of the Animatronics themselves, my personal favorite iteration was in FNAF 4 where they honestly looked like Demons. Scott just really cut loose with that game and as someone who likes making monsters myself I can tell they're just inspired. My personal favorite Animatronic is Golden Freddy, the nearly unavoidable instant kill Zordon from furry yiffing hell, with the empty eye sockets, lifelessness, and just all around uncomfortable feeling you get trying to avoid that hellbeast is just wonderful. The only thing about this franchise that I don't really get behind is the fan art, specifically the furry stuff, now I know that that scene isn't for me but it's just one of those things that make me shake my head and say "for god's sake Internet".

 As for Scott himself seeing him get so much success out of such a simple concept is commendable, especially coming from me who has little to no skills in programing video games. To see a man take what he can do and slowly but surly improve his craft and be so successful is nothing short of inspiring. I believe the real story of FNAF is learning from your failures, turning them into your inspiration and through luck become a rightful success in a field where one faced great adversity. So Scott, good on you and nothing but luck for you, your family, your franchise and your future endeavors.

 Now again that's just my opinion if you like that stuff good for you it's just not my cup of tea. Though personally what I really would like to see is possibly crossovers. Like a witch from Madoka Magica themed around the Puppet with the animatronics as its familiars or something. Also since the current Kamen Rider series Ex-Aid has their monsters, the Bugsters themed around Video Games I'd love to see one themed around FNAF. Again that's all just me and if you feel differently by all means let me know. Now to get back to work on my new Let's Plays to keep my stress down during the winter since my current money earning job does take its toll on me.

Five Nights at Freddy's is owned and created by Scott Cawthon.
Spaceballs is owned by Mel Brooks, Brooksfilms and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc.

Tokusatsu Review: Shruiken Sentai Ninninger vs Toqger Part 1: Why too much silly doesn't work.

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Well people, here we are, the crossover I have been dreading for quite some time, my current personal worst Sentai series to date crossing over with the current most critically and commercially panned Sentai. You all know my complaints about Toqger by this point, the Red has severe brain damage and is insufferable, the suit designs for the heroes and their mechs are the most lazy I've ever seen and their message is personally disgusting, offensive and just plain wrong. While in Ninninger's case I give it more slack then Toqger if only because Toqger came out first so all my rage was probably spent by the time it fell apart. While yes it is structurally far worse then Toqger and has not only lame villains and also an even worse mentor then Gosei from Megaforce (YES I WILL TAKE THAT TO THE GRAVE!!!) and Takaharu was just a little less annoying and slightly more tolerable then Right I will still rush to Ninninger's defense before Toqger. Especially since Ninninger has a chance to redeem itself from adaptation since Saban seems to agree with me and is skipping Toqger for adaptation once Dino Charge is over. 

 Now before I talk about this crossover and no doubt get drafted into the Red Lantern Corps when I'm done with it I need to share some theories as to why Toei has been shoving out goofy series for three years after Gobusters wrapped up. The reason is due to what fellow Tokusatsu critic Des Shinta refers to as the "Carranger Effect" named after the series Gekisou Sentai Carranger, which was what was adapted into Power Rangers Turbo. This refers to Toei's tendency to follow up a failed sentai series with a more goofy silly sentai to try and bring back viewers who they think left because "Kids are stupid and can't understand more complex stories so bring them back with brightly colored nonsense." 

 Yeah but see here, the reason why Carranger helped saved Sentai back in the 90's? It was because a more goofy series was needed since the previous series Choriki Sentai Ohranger was a super serious war Sentai that premiered during a Terrorist attack!!! On top of that apparently around the 9th episode Ohranger was going to do a storyline that apparently would have been very similar to what just happened and Toei; figuring that little kids wouldn't be particularly happy being reminded of horrible attacks that killed several thousand people potentially including their loved ones had to cobble together new episodes and plots extremely fast which put their series far over budget. This is exactly what happened to Evangelion by the way, also this is just speculation based and what I've found online in forums discussing this topic so it could be false but it does seem rather plausible that these are the circumstances that lead to the Carranger effect.

 Back on topic here Toei seems to have forgotten that Carranger helped Sentai get back on track due to it being a necessity at the time, not so much afterwords. But now they seem to think that if a series sucked, crank up the goofy and they'll come back in droves. When they don't acknowledge that it sucked because the writing wasn't up to par. But I could just go on about this and since this is a review blog and not an opinion blog let's get on to the real question of this review. Would I prefer a Shuriken in my eye or being run over by a train?

 We begin our festival of pain with our band of Ninja numbskulls on a train, though Takaharu doesn't know exactly where they're going. Apparently they're off to a Ninja theme park for summer vacation. The intercom tells them that their stop is at Dream Ninnin Live Station and if you have two functioning brain cells you can immediately tell that they're on a Shadow Line train but no time for that now we have Kinji doing a rock cover of their ending theme song, because reasons. After the Big Lipped Alligator Jam Session we see a familiar face.

Great, Rule 63 Right's the first apperance in this crossover, I can already feel the Pixie Sticks being force fed down my mouth. And she's in her grown up form WTF? Also she's a pop idol in this dream for some reason, speaking of.

 Back on track Kagura grabs Kinji and runs off with him. We cut to.... the opening of the movie again, kay? Though Takaharu notices that while the core five are there there's six bentou lunches. However the intercom chimes in again telling that they're now in Dream Spy mission Station now. Where they apparently become a much better Sentai team, the Gobusters. Ok not really but they're spies now for some reason. The group split up and Yakumo, Nagi and Katsumi get chased down by thugs when they're saved by the only Toqger that I wouldn't want to toss into a Gulag.  

Dude you can ask people to call you Susan for all I care just so long as you usurp Right as leader of the Toqger I soooooo don't care!

 He's not here to take up my advice however and just takes the three with him. The next loop of Endless Eight happens again but the two have their next station up ahead.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! THEY'RE BROTHER AND SISTER MOVIE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS I DON'T EVEN!!! Oh good lord I swear I can hear Banjos already.

 Oh thank whoever's up there that these two aren't at the alter and Fuuka's dream groom is really Tokacchi, but is it? No for you see he's really this guy!

 No no Mio shows up, chews out Tokacchi and tries to get Fuuka out of there but are stopped by Jukkarage thugs. The four transform and the Toqger explain that these dreams are actually illusions created by our movie exclusive Yokai Wanyūdō.

And oh dear god he's just a weird head strapped onto a Kuliner Robo suit. Once again the laziness of the Toqger mandates infects the production. Now it just looks like a spooky stupid Gunman. If only Kamina would show up, give a over the top man speech and kick its ass. But no we have the Toqgers and Ninningers to do it instead, joy bunnies.

 So our lazily designed monster traps the four inside of itself so the "veterans" can give the two newbies the lowdown. Takaharu remembers that they went out to fight Wanyūdō and got abducted and out muscled. So greetings are exchanged, introductions are made, title cards are shown yeah yeah yeah we know the drill. The Toqgers continue saying that even tough they beat the main Shadow Line their resident Doctor returned from studying abroad and that he's the one behind the Dark Ninja land. Takaharu says his catchphrase and of course the other 3 sane people are flummoxed by his stupidity.

Well they both make me want to take a staple-gun to my ballsack then put up with them so yes, Tokacchi yes they are.

 Speaking of which he shows up for the rescue and drives the rainbow line up to Wanyūdō's train form to let them make the jump to safety. Wanyūdō however sends in Jukkarage and Kuros to take the four out. They transform and try to fight off the forces but they just keep coming. Wanyūdō eventually manages to escape into a tunnel but not before the Toqgers manage to get Fuuka at least to safety, Takaharu however didn't make it, not because the grunts overwhelmed him, not because Wanyūdō got inside the tunnel no no. 

BECAUSE HE SLIPPED ON FUUKA'S GODDAMN BANANNA PEEL!!!!!

 Why did I say I'd stick up for this asshole again? So one dumbass red gets kidnapped so our other dumbass red chases him down. And to pour salt into the wound the Kibaoni foxy general shows up to gloat.

No not that Foxxy.

Dear god not that Foxy.

Oh I wish it was that Foxy, at least she's fun and competent. Also HELLO NURSE!

 No no it's Kyuemon who tells them the obvious, that he was the one behind Wanyūdō, speaking of he delivers our dumbass Ninja to the dark Ninja land park. You know all this blatant stupidity is getting to me. I'll cut it off here before my brains are reduced to yogurt. See you next time where we learn more obvious crap like how the sky is blue, feet stink and Takaharu and Right couldn't outwit a box of oatmeal. 

Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion is owned by Studio Sunrise, Gorō Taniguchi and Funnimation.
Code Ment is owned by PurpleEyesWTF.
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is propriety of Hirohiko Araki, David Production, Tokyo MX, Warner Bros Entertainment and Viz Media.
The Spoony Experiment is owned by Noah Antwilder.
Drawn Together is owned by Comedy Central, Dave Jeser, Matt Silverstein, Double Hemn, and Rough Draft Studios.
Five Nights at Freddy's is owned and created by Scott Cawthon.
Project X Zone is owned by Banpresto, Monolith Soft and Bandai Namco Games.

Tokusatsu Review: Kamen Rider Drive & Gaim Taisen Full Trottle Part 3: Heavy Metal 2015

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Sorry for the impromptu break folks, helping my little brother move in to college, helping my family with some personal business, working some scheduling problems at my money making job and finding out how to turn this into a money making job blah blah blah anyway time to wrap this pony up and send it to bed. We open the last arc of this movie with Megahex ZZZ returning back to the Big Reddy Star which then becomes gold and shoots out gold versions of the pods from before which release mechanical recreations of Elementary Inves and Low-Class Roidmudes.

 Gaim, Ryugen and Zangetsu-Shin fight off the forces but Megahex shows up again to essentially gloat and give its whole, individuality is meaningless resistance is futile shtick. But back up is on the way in the form of Drive. Gaim and Drive exchange some silly small talk.

Kneel before Space God fool!

 But it's cut short when Megahex notices that both of its prime threats are in the same area so it decides to pull out the big guns and creates a robot version of Kaito.

Um Takatora, Megahex didn't bring back anyone he just created robot versions of them. You do know the difference right? Jeez maybe he took some brain damage from that coma he was in.

 Mecha Kaito then transforms into Baron and says that he knows what he has to do, which is to attack Megahex. Wait what? Um Kaito you do know you're not the real Kaito right? You're a skin job created by Megahex so you shouldn't be able to turn against it like that, and for that matter Megahex, why didn't you destroy Mecha Kaito the minute it turned against you? You made it; you can just as easily unmake it. So why don't you? If not then you just gave the two guys that are trying to destroy you another ally in their efforts to do so, did absorbing that Roidmude give you a virus or something?

 Moving on, Baron after passing the Voight-Kampff test declares that Megahex's Borg collective idea is bullshit so it'll destroy it. So after some dialogue about free will and individuality that's about as subtle as a trumpet blowing in your face the two forces face off. Ryugen and Zangetsu tell Gaim to go with Drive to take out Megahex while they hold off the grunts Megahex summoned. More Mecha Inves and Roidmudes show up but the three Riders get back up from Heart, Brain and Chaser. Why are they helping; well they're not going to let some Anti Spiral Knock-off and his fake Roidmudes wipe out individuality, so Heart and Brain transform into their Evolved forms and aid the Riders.

 As for the Main Riders they're able to hold their own against Megahex, that is until its regeneration kicks in. Belt tells them that they have to damage Megahex faster then it can regenerate, Mai then shows up to help the two Riders exchange powers. So right out of absolutely nowhere Shinnosuke gets the Fruits Basket Shift car and Kouta gets the Drive Lockseed.

Becoming Drive Type Fruits and Gaim Drive Arms.

 I know that I should be harping about how those two came right the hell out of nowhere; so I will. You guys do know that the Shift Cars actually have to be built right, you can't just make one pop right out of thin air. As for the Drive Lockseed Gaim and Wizard's movie established that the creation of a Rider Lockseed requires a Rider's Power Totem to be infused into an unripened Lockseed so where did it come from, did a Shift Car give itself up to become the Fruits Shift Car? Oh, what's that? It's never explained right right, that was stupid of me asking legitimate questions, blugh.

 So the two reengage Megahex and with their synchronized speed are able to outpace its regeneration; managing to destroy it. However ZZZ's core was absorbed by the Wet Willy Star. Krim thinks that now that it has a Roidmudes core it has the same weakness' as a Roidmude and if the two destroy the core Megahex goes with it. So the two take a page from the Nostalgia Critic and drive into space with Tridoron.

I don't know what you're smoking Krim, that's the freaking Delorian! Man, Doc Brown is gonna sue somebody!

 So the two Riders pile in and fly off to destroy Megahex once and for all. However Megahex uses more of the Roidmude data to send a new creature after the two.

MUST GO FASTER, MUST GO FASTER, MUST GO FASTER!

 But even with that visage of pure evil on their tail the two Riders manage to make it inside of the Golden Freddy Star. They manage to get rid of the demon bear by... squirting Juice in its face with Tridoron's drifting. Why didn't the security guard just have some OJ when Gold Freddy showed up, now I'm just wondering what would work on the Puppet, Apple Juice, Grapefruit juice? Eh whatever, the Gold Freddy Star has had enough and just decides to crush the three. Drive and Gaim manage to eject at the last second and destroy the core of Megahex and the Megahex Planet itself with a double Rider Kick.

 With the main system destroyed the Mecha Inves and Roidmudes shut down. But sadly so does Baron, the only time it follows the rules is when it gets screwed, irony's a bitch. With the main threat down we begin the wrap up. The three Roidmude leaders head back home, Kouta shakes hands with Shinnosuke then meets up with Mai so the two can go back to planet heaven. But before the two can leave the rest of the Armored Riders show up so they can give their goodbyes. Back in the Drive Pit it turns out that Lupin is still alive.

From a certain point of view.

 Tojo managed to steal a Bat Viral Core and migrated into it after he lost and was ejected from ZZZ. He makes his leave saying that he'll be back to challenge his rival once again.

 So that was Drive & Gaim Taisen. I thought it was pretty good but each had their own problems. Like I said before I have no clue how Megahex knew about the Dragon Fruits Energy Lockseed to recreate it for Mecha-Ryoma, as well as never knowing how Megahex knew about the Roidmudes. He only learned about them after he absorbed ZZZ so how did he know enough about them to recreate them if he never encountered them before? Now for Drive's segment which I thought was the weakest of the two, mostly because of the shift from Megahex to Lupin. That part basically suffers from what I like to call Divatox syndrome, where the scale of the newest treat doesn't come close to that of the previous one.

 Going from assimilating machine planet that's able to out-power and steal the powers of Gods, to a thief, see what I'm getting at here? Though thankfully Lupin was nowhere near as bad as Divatox as we saw him kicking everyone's ass but good, but that's about all there was to the guy. The biggest problem with the ending was in Kouta's characterization in his segment what little time we had with him, he still had his mature calm godly demeanor and personality form where we left him at the end of his show. But as soon as Drive showed up he started acting like he was at the beginning of his series, it's like the writer for the end of this movie only watched the first few episodes of Gaim and stuck with that characterization for Kouta. Which really doesn't make any sense given the ordeals and what he experienced during the course of that show.

As for Megahex itself, as I pointed out in the first part of this review it's basically The Borg, Anti-Spiral, Homura and Cooler all rolled into one but I think it still worked for this movie. I mean come on when one of the heroes of this movie is a literal god a threat of that size and power is essential in my opinion, any threat of a lower scale killing Kouta would have been more then a bit ridiculous. It's design was rather simple but efficient, it's a logic driven AI why would it need to look overly bombastic, sometimes the simplest design is the best.  All in all, this movie was just okay, it didn't suck it wasn't glorious but it was more then serviceable. Speaking of unfinished business I think that next time I'll finally finish my retrospective of Persona 1.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Five Nights at Freddy's is owned and created by Scott Cawthon.
Star Wars is created by George Lucas, owned by Lucas film, the Walt Disney Company and 20th Century Fox.