Movie Review: Alita Battle Angel: Finally a good Hollywood manga adaptation! (Spoilers)

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 It took them long enough, we actually have an adaptation of a Manga that captures the spirit of the source material, and is a good movie on it's own! Now let me just say that while I never read the original Manga and only saw Bennet the Sage's Anime Abandon episode of the two episode OVA that covers presumably the broad strokes of the first two volumes just like this movie I had a wonderful time watching. I admit that like everyone else I had trepidatious about this movie, hell I wasn't even interested in seeing it, my little bro was going to see it, I asked to tag along cause I had nothing else going on at the moment and bam! So when I found that the movie was not only a technical marvel but also got me interested in the source material I consider this to be a success in my eyes. But I know that that isn't the case for everyone but hey, different folks have different tastes and I know for a fact that not everything is going to appeal to everyone.

 My feelings for this is just as valid as yours and everyone else's so with that in mind while I can disagree with what a lot of professional critics say about Alita there are some things that I agree with. But let's get a basic premise of what we're in for from what the film is more than generous to give out. The year is 2563, three centuries after "The fall" the destruction of most of the mega cities of Earth after the Great War with their Mars colonies. But instead of Gundams the Mars army used cyborgs called Berserkers as their most powerful weapons; trained in the Cyborg Marital Arts known as Panzer Kunst. The last of these is discovered in a Junkyard by the cyborg scientist Dr Dyson Ido (played by Christoph Waltz), but with no memories or body she's taken in by Ido and is given not only a new body but a new name, Alita (played by Rosa Salazar).

 She's introduced to the trappings of Iron City, a veritable slum that serves the last of the great sky cities; Zalem, which is basically if Rapture swapped places with Columbia. While the people of Zalem live off of the work of those living in Iron City, the citizens below live under the thumb of not only Zalem but also in constant fear of deranged Cyborgs. The only ones willing to kill these demonic tinker toys are the redundantly named Hunter-Warriors, like Ido who after saving him from some marks Alita becomes one as well since she seems to start regaining her memories when she's in a life or death fight, which this and Motorball (the local sport where Cyborgs fight to the death for a chance to go to Zalem if they become grand champion) can give her and then some.

 Time for me to start listing what this flick got right before I address what could have been better implemented. Firstly the action sequences and the CGI is amazing! Though they can be summed up in a clip from Yugioh abridged, OH MELVIN!?

 Now I joke, but yeah this is some true blue insane late 80's; early 90's anime shit right here kids. If it wasn't for the fact that all of the most brutal parts of the movie involved robots with blue cooling fluid instead of blood this would be a hard R for sure. Not to give too much away but there's dismemberments, decapitations and even some guy getting his head pounded into a pile of gears and blueberry jam. It's basically what people would think of if you told them what a PG-13 Mortal Kombat movie would look like if the actual Mortal Kombat movies didn't exist. Also for one scene near the end I have the perfect clip for you to remember.

 But speaking of the Cyborgs they look fantastic with the CGI integration looking wonderful. While there is some small sense of them not really being there I just tend to treat them like how the toons were integrated into the real world in Who framed Rodger Rabbit. But then again just like with Alita and her "big googly anime eyes" it's just something that I got used to. Speaking of Alita the design of her and her various body look great. The first body that she got from Ido is wonderfully designed, especially with her fingers and arms, with intricate etchings that make them look almost like art in and of themselves.

 Alita herself is what makes this movie work in spite of my gripes with it. Rosa Salazar did a fantastic job bringing this girl to life with her delivery, motion capture and her interactions with and equal top tier supporting cast. From Waltz as Ido to Jeniffer Connelly as Ido's ex wife Chiren and even Keean Johnson as the F.R.I (forced romantic interest thanks Erod) Hugo. While yes the romance between Alita and Hugo is one of the weaker parts of the movie for me I couldn't care less about Hugo but I was invested in him because Alita was invested in him. Though you can tell that this was based off the earlier manga volumes because once Kishiro recognized that Hugo didn't work he made sure to fridge him in order to get Alita want to get to Zalem and confront Nova.

 Which brings me to my problems with the film. While I will go up to bat for Alita Battle Angel there are still some flaws. My main one is that the the first quarter is mostly just exposition where Ido and Hugo explain to Alita the ins and out of Iron City, Zalem and basically just the world building. Now while I can understand since Alita as the audience surrogate she would have more then a few questions about her new environment and how it all works I just felt that it was a little too much packed in at the first quarter and wasn't as naturally implemented as it could have. It's nowhere near as bad as the exposition in the Last Airbender but perhaps if they handled they gave just a little less exposition and perhaps was introduced more organically like during one of Alita's flashbacks it might have helped a bit. Second is the villains, while I loved the sadistic personalities and creative designs of the Cyborgs and crooked Hunter-Warriors that Alita went up against the main antagonist Nova (played by Edward Norton) doesn't even show up in person until the very end of the movie to act as obvious sequel bait.

 Now I know that Nova isn't the only threat that Alita has to deal with but four the three main baddies are just lackeys for him so their menace is completely overshadowed. I'm guessing that Nova wasn't introduced at this point of the manga and his presence is just a symptom of compressed adaptation where they added in later parts of the story to the adaptation to try and set up more lore and hooks for sequels. But I can tell that if Nova was left as a background detail and the film just focused on Chiren, Mahershala Ali's Vector and Jackie Earle Haley's Grewishka the film might have worked out better. The last is that while Hugo and Alita's relationship was a key part of both character's story arcs a little less time and less cringy dialogue might have help not only the flow of the film but also the running time. It doesn't over stay its welcome but perhaps if they cut down on the romantic stuff and perhaps worked on Alita interacting with some of the lesser characters like Hugo's other friends, her talking with Ido's assistant and maybe more time confronting Vector could have done wonders.

 But that's mostly just nitpicks after the fact, and let's face it, nobody likes Captain Hindsight. While I do agree with some of what other critics say I don't consider this movie to be a cliche mess as some of them say. Most of them are just tropes of Manga storytelling and as someone whose seen more anime and read more manga then just Dragonball Z I can say that I give Alita Battle Angel a wholesale recommendation. While it's not flawless it is what most Anime fans have been waiting for for far too long, a faithful live action Hollywood adaptation that shows the proper respect for the source material. If I had to guess I'd say that Alita Battle Angel did for Manga Adaptations what the First Mortal Kombat did for Video Game movies, it's far from perfect but it can be entertaining in it's own right and you don't need to be a hardcore fan of the source material to enjoy it.

 It also has me interested in the source material which I consider to be a great mark of a good adaptation, it makes the source look good as well as being a good story all on its own and it shows proper respect. Hopefully this movie can be the first of future good adaptations of Japanese properties without the need to change too much while still showing the proper respect the material deserves, maybe after this we'll get an adaptation of Baccano, Black Lagoon, Black Butler or even Lupin the 3rd, only time will tell.


Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Alita Battle Angel is owned by 20th Century Fox, Lightstorm Entertainment, Troublemaker Studios, TSG Entertainment, Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron. Based off the manga Gunnm by Yukito Kishiro.

Yugioh is owned by Konami, Kazuki Takahashi, Toei Animation, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. (#FucKonami)

Yugioh Abridged is owned by Little Kuriboh (Martin Piers Billany)

Cabin Fever (2002) is owned by Eli Roth, Lionsgate Films and Black Sky Entertainment.

Personal Post: Top 10 monsters in fiction I can’t take seriously Part 1

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain!, support me on Patreon and watch my Twitch Channel Every Saturday at 12:00 ET

 Yep ghosts and ghouls it’s that time of the year again for monster malarkey. Last year I talked about some of my favorite monsters, from their designs to the personalities and backstories I just loved most of them. Now this year is where I go the polar opposite, and let me tell you this is going to be the hardest list. Mostly due to me not really encountering a whole lot of monsters that really bore me or I honestly just point and laugh at. Like last year, one monster per franchise, have to have actually seen them and state why I find them so hard to take seriously.

#10 Chucky from Childs Play

 I believe that everyone is familiar with the possessed toy idea. It’s a good one when done right but in the case of Charles Lee Ray it tends to vary depending on what movie he’s in. Charles is a serial killer who just so happens to be a practitioner of Voodoo (not real voodoo but just roll with it.) One night he gets shot by a cop and his only chance of survival is to transfer his soul into a nearby doll. But he wants a real body so throughout the series he plans to transfer his soul into a new human body so he can resume his spree.

 The first movie was just fine but as it went on things just got more and more ridiculous to the point where you can’t take him seriously at all. I mean when you show up on WWE, you know any real credibility is flushed down the crapper. I believe that everyone that hasn’t checked out of this franchise with Bride of Chucky, they would have with Seed of Chucky. Some horror franchises have the potential to last a long time. But for Chucky the killer doll I believe that once was more then enough, so yes I did just fuck with the chuck and what’s he gonna do about it?

Yeah that's what I thought.

#9 Necron from FF9

 For those who don’t know I’m not the biggest fan of Final Fantasy. I’ve played a few of them and they’re just not for me. But the one I can definitely claim to be my favorite is undoubtedly Final Fantasy 9. With the technical innovation of the PS1 era engine combined with a classic, uncomplicated story, fantastical setting, likable characters and solid (but too easy and some what BS; looking at you Trance system) combat system it’s an underrated classic of the series. However the final boss, for me is the crack in the otherwise finely crafted gem of a game. 

 So far the major villain is Kuja, the fabulous homunculus who has been trying to destroy both the worlds of Terra and Gaia in an act of spiteful and mad vengeance against the wishes of his creator Garland. Zidane and his party manage to reach him and defeat him but it’s not the end. Suddenly this flying blue monster comes right out of nowhere and is all like “hey I’m the final boss now, deal with it!” We have absolutely no idea where this guy came from, what his motivations are, nothing is established about him or what he’s even here for. It’s like he just came in from a completely different game just to mess up this one. 

 Say what you will about Yu Yevon from FF 10 in terms of being a final boss and believe me there's a lot to say how much of a horrible final boss it is. But at least Yu Yevon was established and has actual relevance to the story of FF 10. Necron on the other hand literally comes out of nowhere. It’s not enough to ruin FF9 for be but Necron was basically the final boss version of a big lipped alligator moment.

#8 Dream Eaters from Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance

 Yet another enemy type for Kingdom Hearts that aren’t Heartless because the design, Nomura and plot said so. Say what you will about the Nobodies and the Unversed but at least they had plot relevance to their games. The Nobodies are the leftover Body and Soul left behind when strong person’s heart becomes a Heartless and the Unversed are the manifestation of Vanitas’ negative emotions (for the most part, looking at you Symphony Master, Cursed Coach and Spirit of the Magic Mirror.) But the Dream Eaters only serve as party members and enemies for Sora and Riku to respectively party with and fight during their mark of mastery exam in the dream worlds. Apparently they’re just the manifestations of Darkness in the sleeping worlds since they’re cut off from all outside channels, apparently not even the Heartless can get into them, ignoring that we encounter Ansem, Xemnas and Xigbar during our time there but whatever.

 I mean yeah the Spirit Dream Eaters are necessary to party with and unlock new abilities. But aside from that and being cute little battle brothers they’re just a gimmick to take advantage of the 3DS and PS4’s touch screen controls and that’s about it. Plot wise the Nightmares don’t even do anything different that couldn’t have been filled by a Heartless. Let’s see, the Heartless were gathering hearts to create Kingdom Hearts for Xehanort’s incarnations, the Nobodies serve Organization XIII to gain hearts of their own and the Unversed were used by Vanitas to lure Ven, Terra and Aqua away, make Terra and Ven stronger for their eventual parts in Xehanort’s plan and are extensions of Vanitas himself. The Dream Eaters have nothing in terms of plot relevancy, just glorified Pokémon knockoffs and that’s it, sorry little dudes you're cute and all, but that's about it see you in Kingdom Hearts 3.

#7 The Mummy (2017)

 These days cinematic universes are the big gimmick that Hollywood wants to cash in on. Aside from the MCU that took several years of planing, preparation and let’s face it prayer before they got Iron Man out the door, everyone else who tried this formula rushed it out the door or assigned the absolute wrong person to set the tone for their universes and the results were complete disasters. The Mummy was the result of the former instead of the latter. Universal tried to revive the original cinematic universe with the classic movie monsters. Their first and last attempt was a second reboot of the Mummy and you know it's a bad movie when I can take the series with The Rock as a CGI scorpion monster more seriously.

 Now say what you will about the Brendan Fraser series but it seemed to be more focused on being an action movie and doing its own thing instead of trying to reinvent the wheel. 2017 Mummy was them trying to reinvent the wheel and they wound up with a triangle. Nothing about this Mummy makes sense, from her origin, her powers, her weaknesses, motivation nothing adds up, if you try to apply the mythological inspiration or either of the previous movie incarnations, nothing adds up either. It honestly feels like they lost the original plot and instead decided to make an even worse version of Enchantress from Suicide Squad. Universals shareholders were promised their own MCU and the result was Tom Cruse with ambiguous superpowers and a zombie best buddy, enough said.

#6 Harvest #3 from DC Comics

 What a horrible waste of a good character design. I wasn’t reading Teen Titans during their New 52 iteration but thanks to Linkara’s massive review of the Crossover event “The Culling” we were all introduced to the dumbass known only as Harvest. While he did have a good look his actions and backstory are what landed this idiot on the list. Apparently he was a Colonel from the future who fought in a war against Metahumans. So he decided to go back in time to eliminate Metahumans, he decided to do this by kidnapping superpowered Teenagers, have them fight to the death and recruit the winners to his team.

 Now this is stupid for many reasons, the most pertinent of which is that why would anyone agree to work with this idiot? See when Blackbeard from One Piece did this with the Level 6 Impel Down prisoners, he wanted the strongest of the worst criminals in the world to join his crew and help him takedown Whitebeard. They were all criminals with life sentences doomed to be erased from history due to their crimes and were just as sick and depraved as he is so it makes sense why the prisoners would want to join him, not so for Teenagers who were kidnapped, forced to live in hellish conditions where they had to fight to the death for the recruiting process of the dumbass who put them there in the first place! Also when the heroes eventually fought him he kept rambling on about how he was actually a good guy for doing all of this. Which was elaborated after the Culling, too little too late, but don’t worry apparently even when his entire operation was falling apart around him is was all according to cake. 

 Even with all of the events that he couldn’t have possibly accounted for, had future knowledge or was even there for it was all part of his master plan. See when Master Xehanort did this schtick he only did it relatively sparingly and you could see how he could have planed everything out in his favor, but when Harvest does it he doesn’t come off as this grand Machiavellian schemer, he just seems like a dumbass over his head playing spin doctor! Also saving the future by kidnapping and torturing teenagers, now does that sound like a hero to you? If not then I just have one question.

 Thankfully Harvest and his nonsense seems to have been jettisoned along with everything else from the New 52 when DC Rebirth happened, good. Yeah this is starting to drag on a bit again and we have four weeks this month on top of Halloween day so I've decided to split this into two parts again. Sorry but I feel that I shouldn't drag this article out longer then it needs to. Plus I have some choices that I feel need some reconsidering and more thought. Besides I know that some of the choices that I will be making are going to have people after my blood for various reasons so I need to make some preparation for the nuclear fallout some of my top choices will bring me.

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Childs Play is owned by United Artists, MGM/UA Communications Co
Final Fantasy 9 is owned by Square, Hironobu Sakaguchi and Hiroyuki Ito.
Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker and Channel Awesome.

Kingdom Hearts is owned by Square Enix, Disney Interactive Studios, Tetsuya Nomura, and Shinji Hashimoto.
The Mummy (2017) is owned by Universal Pictures, Perfect World Pictures, K/O Paper Products and Sean Daniel Company
Harvest is owned by Scott Lobdell and Brett Booth

Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball GT and Dragonball Super is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.

Dragon ball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star.

Yugioh is owned by Konami, Kazuki Takahashi, Toei Animation, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. (#FucKonami)

Yugioh Abridged is owned by Little Kuriboh (Martin Piers Billany)

Movie Review: The Lego Batman Movie: Will Arnett is the Second best Batman

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 After seeing John Wick I thought no movie could top off my good mood. But then along came a narcissistic man child dressed up like a bat, yep Lego Batman is honestly one of the most fun movies I've been to in a really long time. If you're an observant Batman fan you will be grinning ear to ear from all the callbacks, references and even dressing down of the various incarnations of Batman in popular mainstream culture. From the "grittiness" and super cereal tone of the Nolan trilogy and Batman v Superman to the homages to classic Batman covers like Dark Knight Returns but done in Lego, they even splice in an actual clip from the Adam West Batman. (Which sad to say is about as far as we'll get as an actual cameo from Adam himself.) Most of the time I was watching this movie it felt like a 2 hour Robot Chicken sketch that just kept getting funnier as it went on.

 But I'm getting ahead of myself we actually start off with Will Arnett's Batman beating an army of his villains all at once set to a heavy metal lyrical cover of the Adam West theme song. Which leads to him breaking the heart of Zack Gallafanakis' Joker to the point that he finally cracks and plans to just turn himself and the rest of the bad guys in so that Gotham has no need for Batman anymore. Meanwhile a young Dick Greyson played by Michael Cera manages to get adopted by Bruce Wayne while he was distracted by the new Gotham Police commissioner Barbra Gordon played by Rosario Dawson who announced a plan to have Batman collaborate with the GCPD for reasons of accountability. Being unconvinced by the Joker Batman decides to steal Superman's Phantom Zone gun and send the Joker to the Phantom Zone for good. That's where I'll stop as far as plot is concerned for I will never consider spoiling what happens next because that would be far more evil and super duper bad then anything Joker ever does in this movie.

 I knew that as soon as the opening credits opened I was in for a funny lighthearted treat with Batman talking and making meta jokes about all the opening super serious movie tropes. From there the references and jokes just keep coming at you and I was chuckling all throughout the movie. But this movie does remember the emotional core of Batman's character, a boy who died and was reborn as an agent of vengeance, though much more subtly implied in this movie. This movie also remembers that Batman needs the more lighthearted goofy elements of his mythos to balance out the dark backstory by grounding him in reality. In short without some f-ing sunshine Batman is just an angry teenager who can't get over his parents death and compensates by being prideful, grumpy and listening to angry music all day in his man cave.

 Speaking of family, Alfred does what he does best, put up with the well meaning but goofy Batman by encouraging him to get out and talk to people once in a while, have Batman put on his big boy Bruce Wayne clothes and join the real world. This then leads us to Dick Greyson, Jesus Robin in this movie is just the most wide eyed adorable little cinnamon bun and easily the best role I've seen Micheal Cera in since Scott Pilgrim. Honestly this is the Robin we need more of, a bright fun happy ball of sunshine to contrast against grumpy Bat padre. Barbra Gordon is also wonderfully brought to life, and in this incarnation seems to be about the same age as Bruce which definitely makes more sense then what happened when DC did an animated adaptation of THAT story!

You know what I mean.

 Aside from that she was another good way to challenge Bats' loner tendencies since she can not only kick as much butt as him she could also tell the goon when he's gone too far and was being crazy. Also yes they do make fun of the "Batgirl" name and I'm not telling how.

 Speaking of significant others Joker in this movie is just the perfect bromance for Batman. I mean the relationship between Joker and Batman has been explored before and in various ways but I don't think ever this silly. While I was watching the first time I was just resisting myself from quoting Tristan from Yugioh abridged.

 Though of course since there were little kids around of course I couldn't; even though I heard one flat out admit he got the joke Bruce made when he heard Dick's name, that moment and that kids reaction was worth the price of admission alone. I wish I could go on about what I loved about Lego Batman other then; go see it, bring your kids or your nieces, nephews, grandkids whatever just make sure you see this movie before the year is over. Trust me it gets my personal pick for favorite Batman movie. Ok second best still have to give it up for the Dark Knight but it's still really really good.

Yugioh is owned by Konami, Kazuki Takahashi, Toei Animation, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. (#FucKonami)

The Lego Batman Movie is owned by DC Comics, Warner Animation Group, DC Entertainment, RatPac-Dune Entertainment, Lego System A/S, Vertigo Entertainment, Animal Logic and Lord Miller Productions.

Batman The Killing Joke is owned by DC Comic, Alan Moore and Brian Bolland.

Movie Review: Back to the Future 3 Part 2: When in doubt, wing it!

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Back at Doc's lab Marty shows him the picture of his future tombstone which of course causes Doc to do the following steps; open mouth, insert foot. Doc doesn't know the Clara that the tombstone is referring to though. That is until the Mayor shows up to remind Doc that he volunteered to pick up the new schoolteacher who is coming into town tomorrow, Doc thanks him for the visit and the Mayor says that her name is Clara Clayton. When Marty says that now they know who Clara is Doc refutes the whole concept of love at first site due to there being no scientific rational for it. After Doc finishes his Iced Tea and measures Marty that Jen is safe since restoring the original time line after burning the almanac last movie the two decide to get back to 1985. But when Marty mentions that the Delorean is out of gas Doc is horrified.

 Marty says that since they have Mr Fusion the lack of gas shouldn't be a problem, however Doc says that Mr Fusion just powers the Flux Capacitor but the car itself has always run on gasoline, without that there's no way to get to 88mph. So after some horsing around and crapping their lungs out after a round of hard boozing the two decide that the best way to get the Delorean up to 88mph would be the local train. They ask the conductor if its possible and he says that it is if they were on a straight track with a level ground, no cars behind them and if the flames of the car were hotter then the flames of hell itself then 88mph would be possible. The conductor says that the next train that comes into town will be on Monday at 8 o'clock, Doc then finds the perfect track of land to push the Delorean, the track that leads off to Clayton revenue which will still be there in 1985. Though he points out that on the map they have it's referred to Shonash ravine.

 The two go to check it out and Marty says the idea's sunk since the bridge isn't finished yet. Doc once again points out that the bridge will be finished in 1985 so there's no problem in that department.  However another problem arrises when they see a woman in trouble, her horses have gone crazy and she can't control them. Doc manages to save her before her wagon fell off the ravine. Well, wouldn't ya know it its love at first sight between the two. Doc introduces himself and she introduces herself as Clara Clayton, and after Marty and Doc get her to her new house safely Doc invites Clara to visit him in town at his blacksmiths shop and mentions his love of science. Marty and Doc then leave and eventually realize that Clara was supposed to fall off into the ravine.

 So if in the timeline that Marty comes from is one where he didn't go back to 1885 to save Doc then Doc would have gone on doing his own thing, missing the opportunity to save Clara thus meet her and eventually get killed by Tannen. I mean if Marty didn't come back then Doc wouldn't have a reason to be near the ravine when the incident that would have killed Clara happened, thus being there to save her and by proxy meet and establish a relationship with her. So what I'm getting at is if Clara was supposed to fall off into the ravine in this timeline why does Doc's tombstone in 1955 mention her if she was supposed to die before the two ever met?

"This writing error is quite distressing."
"Perhaps we should leave these two with the task of this plot holes addressing?"
"Hold on Brother, our presence here proves what has already occurred."
"Let us leave before things get even more absurd."

 Doc of course realizes that she was supposed to die today and regrets ever building the time machine in the first place since it causes nothing but disaster; except, you know the time machine helping his family by giving his dad the balls to stand up to Biff and you using said machine to go into the future and have several procedures done on you to expand your life? Yep, it certainly caused nothing but disaster, ass.

 On September 5, the two fix the walkie talkies and go over the plan for the Delorean. First they'll highjack the Locomotive at 8 am on Monday, detach the cars and take it to the switch track near where they've loaded the Delorean onto the tracks near an abandoned silver mine the night before. According to Docs calculations they should hit 88mph just before they go over the edge of the ravine where they'll travel safely across the completed bridge. Marty asks what the "point of no return" on the display is. Doc says that it's their fail safe, up until they reach the old windmill they still have time to safely stop the train, but after that it's the future or bust.

 After a much safer and reassuring demonstration of the plan then in the first movie Clara shows up asking if Doc can help repair her telescope that was damaged in the incident. After some possibly intimate staring Clara asks if Doc is going to the town festival later that night. He says he'll be there with the telescope repaired as well so she thanks him and Marty (sorry, Mr Eastwood my mistake) and leaves. On that note I will be taking my leave as well, until next time where we talk about the fair, just be sure to bring your frisbies.

Back to the Future is owned by Robbert Zebecks, Bob Gale, Stephen Spielberg, Ambling Entertainment  and Universal Studios.
Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.
Dragonball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star. 
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is propriety of Hirohiko Araki, David Production, Tokyo MX, Warner Bros Entertainment and Viz Media.
Banjo-Kazooie Nuts & Bolts is owned by Microsoft Game Studios, Rare and Gregg Mayles
Jontron is owned by Jon "JonTron" Jafari.
Star Trek The Next Generation is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount Domestic Television, and CBS Television Distribution.
Yugioh is owned by Konami, Kazuki Takahashi, Toei Animation, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. (#FucKonami)

Tokusatsu Review: Kamen Rider Gaim Gaiden Zangetsu & Baron Part 2: Drive your funky soul!

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Part two of our double feature starts off with Kaito Kumon walking in the Helheim forest flashing back to the events of episode 21 where he joined up with Ryoma to find and kill the Overlord Demushu, the then theorized leader of the Helheim forest. Ryoma calls in to ask if Kaito's found anything; Kaito says he only found two things, jack and shit and jack left town. Ryoma apologizes for asking Kaito to do this on the anniversary of his dad's death, however Kaito tells him it's none of his business flashing back to what happened after his father sold his factory to Yggdrasil. Kaito doesn't hate Yggdrasil for what happened, what he hates is how weak he was at that time.

We then cut to... um Kaito acting like a complete wacko in a luxury hotel room.

Please stop smiling, you're killing more Kitties then the Puppies that die when Seto Kaiba smiles.

Yeah this mirror universe version of Kaito is named Shapool (or Shapur as the subtitles call him) the heir to a foreign country who's watching the early exploits of his doppelganger transforming into Baron.

"Sir I'm afraid that we are quite late for your Village People auditions as it is without stopping for cakes. Though I heard the owner might be someone as qualified for a part in the band as you sir."

This is Shapur's butler and yes before you can even make the joke, his name is in fact Alfred. Alfred tells Shapur that the cakes will have to wait since Shapur's father has told him to inspect Zawame. Alfred tells him not to be late and heads for the car, Shapur pouts as hard as he can while calling him a tightwad and I'm sorry I just can't get over seeing what looks like Kaito acting so damn goofy, it's waaaay too funny. Now before I get slammed with comments (though at this point I'd take any comments) yes I know that Shapur is played by Kaito's actor Yukata Kobayashi, in fact this is one of the positive points in this movie something I'll elaborate on later as Shapur makes his escape and runs into himself, I mean Kaito.

Kind of obvious which one is green screened. Though they can more then make up for it if they decide to recreate this scene.

Alas no, Shapur just starts annoying Kaito until he maces him and switches clothes leaving Kaito unconscious on the park bench in Shapur's clothes. Okay several questions come to mind here, first shouldn't Shapur knock Kaito out in a secluded location where there are less potential witnesses? I mean parks are pretty populated locations where people could easily spot this guy knocking someone out and switching clothes with him. For that matter, where did he change? Was it behind a bush, a park Bathroom or did he just decide to strip and change in public, I mean even in Japan, a country that sells used high-school girls panties (seriously) giving your twig and berries a breather in a public park can't possibly be the slightest bit legal. I mean people are clearly walking by the area in the following scenes!

Speaking of clothes, couldn't Shapur have just visited a tailor or a clothing store or something to recreate Kaito's outfit? If the point is to disguise yourself as your other-self, knocking them out is not exactly going to make your counterpart sympathetic to your situation dude! I mean money is clearly not an issue for you unless Alfred is handling all of the expenses and thus holds your spending money, but if not then don't be such a tightwad idiot! I'm not even going to get into the identity theft that this clearly brings up and just continue with this mess of a plot.

"And now for Bum Reviews, with Kaito Z Bum"

 Of course after being knocked out, left on a bench and having his clothes stolen Z Bum is pissed off but good. As for Shapur, he's prancing around like Tingle after spending the night with Dr Rockso and Kaito swears to hunt him down and skin him with a toenail clipper. Speaking of pissed off; Alfred and Shapur's father are livid since apparently Alfred was being paid to kill Shapur; by is own father! Yeesh maybe my Seto Kaiba joke was more on the nose then I thought.

But enough about this horrible premeditated child murder now is the time on Gaim where we dance!

Yeah Shapur found where Team Baron is dancing, he starts to dance like a maniac and the rest of Team Baron give looks like Kaito has lost his freaking mind. I mean these guys were handpicked by Kaito to be part of his dance troupe so of course they should be able to spot something wrong about their former leader, and Zach the guy that Kaito left leadership of Team Baron to should be able to see that something is wrong with him from miles away. Nope they just dance with him, Zach you have failed not only as leader of Team Baron but also as a practitioner of Hip-Hopakido. Now go to your room! Even when Kouta and Mai show up they notice that this thing that looks like Kaito should not be Kaito.

It's the kitty Apocalypse.

Who the hell are you?

But even then Mai and Kouta just dance with them anyway, chalking it up to Kaito finally pulling his banana spear out of his ass.

Yeah I honestly have to say this but at this point it needs to be said. Congratulations Japan, you now have yourself your very own iteration of this infamous scene. Take a bow and enjoy.

I'm sorry but it's true we've reached Emo Peter levels of out of character goofiness here, and just like Spider-Man 3 nobody can tell that something is off with Kaito. Even when "Kaito" takes Mai with him to Charmant for cake Kouta's all like "I kind of like him this way". Though personally I do too. Meanwhile with Captain Sourpuss Alfred's caught up with him and thinking that he's Shapur tases him and takes him back to the hotel to kill him. Meanwhile back with Shapur and Mai he's baking a cake in the kitchen, how does she not notice something off with this scenario I mean they, they don't just...... Oh lord I have to stop getting off track or I'll never get through this. So anyway, yeah Shapur is making Mai a cake, why, well most likely so Yukata can demonstrate his actual baking skills. Yeah apparently he's a really good baker, the things you find out about a person. Though, eh I'm curious, I'd try one, especially if it looks like the cake he made for Mai, much to Jonouchi's chagrin.

I never thought I'd say this but thank whoever is up there we're back to the Filicide plot. Kaito wakes up in the hotel room with his arms tied up. (Fan Girls that little thought for later was for you. <3) He overhears Alfred telling his two goons to fit Kaito for a pair of cement shoes thinking that he's Shapur. Kaito thinks that's the reason why Shapur switched with him and kicks the goons asses and ran off before telling Alfred he grabbed the wrong guy.

Back at the ranch Oren shows up and is none to thrilled that Joey just let "Kaito" use their Kitchen. He's about to tell Monsieur banane au revoir when he gets a call from Alfred (he even has the guitar riff played during his transformation as his ringtone) who wants to hire Oren to capture Shapur. But I'm guessing that Alfred only gave his physical description to Oren since he thinks that "Kaito" is actually Shapur, I mean he is but he thinks that Kaito Kumon is actually Shapur all along, which is more then a tad stupid. Point is Oren is after "Kaito" and transforms into Kamen Rider Bravo to fight him since he knows Kaito isn't one to go down without swinging.

After Mai tells him to transform Shapur pulls out the Sengoku Driver, but of course since Kaito had one of the original Prototype belts it's locked to his DNA so Shapur can't use it. Which should be a gigantic clue that he's not who he says he is. But Baron is stuck in moron mode and completely forgot when Ryoma told him about the differences in belts when he got his current custom mass production belt not four episodes before the chronological events of this special!

I'm not even half way through this special and I still have 20 or so minutes to go. So Zach shows up and transforms into Kamen Rider Knuckle to hold Bravo off while "Kaito" and Mai make tracks. That's when the real Kaito shows up and a few tiny sparks decide to go off in Mai's head and realizes that "Kaito" is an imposter. Kaito then grabs Shapur and drags him off no doubt to where he has the toenail clippers. Meanwhile we see Alfred meeting with Ryoma, so you know that something bad is about to go down.

You would in fact be right since the reason for the duo's trip was for Alfred to fund Ryoma's research in exchange for at least 500 Sengoku drivers since Alfred's boss knows that Helheim is coming and wants his family to be among the lucky few to survive. But Ryoma being the crafty bastard that he is picks up that Alfred has ulterior motives due to the amount of requested drivers. Alfred outright admits that he's going to sell the extra drivers to the highest bidders, usurp his boss and take over their country. Ryoma says that he likes that kind of sneakiness and gives Alfred a gift.

A Genesis Driver and the Prototype Dragon Fruit Energy Lockseed.

Ryoma of course is offended that Alfred thinks he can just use his research in his little money making scheme and is going to be using him as a test subject for the Dragon Fruit Energy Lockseed. Yeah free tip dude don't try to shyst a shyster. Back to the wonder twins the two swap back their clothes and Kaito takes back his driver. Shapur tries to apologize saying he just wanted to be free, but Kaito says he did it just to avoid being killed and fills him in on his father trying to kill him. Shapur tries to run when he hears cars but Alfred shows up and starts kicking his ass, saying that his father wants him dead and that he'll be killing him once he's done with Shapur and that he's going to be taking over the organization.

Kaito shows up to kick the goons asses and turns his attention to Alfred having flashbacks to being abused by his father in a drunken rampage and is going to kick Alfred's teeth in because he pisses him off. That's when Alfred takes off the kid gloves and pulls out his Genesis Driver and Lockseed.

Becoming Kamen Rider Tyrant.

Kaito then transforms into Baron and fights Tyrant. But since Baron is an Armored Rider and Tyrant is a New Generation Rider; Tyrant kicks Baron's ass before he switches to Mango Arms and reengages managing to overpower Tyrant so he and Shapur could retreat. Tyrant tries to run after them but the Genesis Driver starts to short-circuit forcing Alfred to power down. Later that night Kaito and Shapur swap back stories that Shapur was adopted since his father didn't have an heir to take over their organization. But since he now has a real son Shapur is just in the way.

As for Kaito he says that after his father sold their factory to Yggdrasil he regretted his decision, was tricked out of his money, started drinking then beat Kaito before killing his mom and then himself in a drunken rampage. Kaito then tells Shapur that the only thing worth trusting in the world is your own power.

Essentially that, Peko then shows up telling Kaito that Tyrant has been attacking Team Baron and abducted Zach to lure Kaito and Shapur out. Now it's personal, Kaito heads out to save Zach and finds him in the standard abandoned warehouse. Kaito then is attacked by Alfred head on, calling him out as the pathetic weakling that he is by just using his unearned power to attack those that are weaker then him. Alfred gives absolutely zero craps if he's a weakling and just as he's about to transform the Dragon Fruit Lockseed starts to sprout Helheim vines and turn him into an Inves.

Alfred still doesn't care and just demands Kaito hand over Shapur, Kaito says he'll gladly do it if he can beat him. Alfred transforms into Tyrant and starts his assault. Kaito transforms into Baron where the fight starts but leads into the dumbest sequence of the special. Baron knocks Tyrant into some debris where he comes out riding a dirt bike that comes out of nowhere, and no this isn't a Lock Vehicle, a normal fully functional dirt bike just happens to be in an abandoned warehouse all gassed up and ready to use. Not only this one but Baron just happens to find another one and the two just start riding their dirt-bikes.

I'm not kidding when I say that this sequence mainly consists of the two just doing stunts on their dirt-bikes, they don't even fight they just hop around doing stunts until the end of the sequence where Baron manages to knock off Tyrant. Do you know how long this sequence lasts? Approximately 1 minute and 21 seconds, yep the first minutes of this specials climax starts off with bike stunts. Look I know that Kamen Riders typically ride motorcycles but we don't want our final fight to mainly consist of bike stunts and only one actual attack done during said sequence, whoever was responsible for this scene needs to be sacked and hard.

Time to wrap this up; Tyrant takes a major hit from Baron and the Dragon Fruit Lockseed takes over him completely transforming him into an Overlord Inves. Baron gets completely overwhelmed by the Overlord when Yoko shows up to give him the Ringo Lockseed that Ryoma took from Touka.

He uses it and becomes Baron Ringo Arms.

With his new power Baron is easily able to go toe to toe with the overlord. Even when the Ringo Lockseed starts to infest him with Helheim's power Baron suppresses it with his own willpower. He then executes his Sparkling finisher and kills Tyrant once and for all. With this victory Baron powers down and destroys the Ringo Lockseed with his own hands. Our story ends with Kaito getting a letter from Shapur saying that he's going back to confront his father, Kaito visits his families grave swearing to obtain the power to destroy the world and Yoko watches from the shadows and sees something from Kaito.

A glimpse of the power that Kaito seeks.

So that was Gaim Gaiden Zangetsu and Baron. Zangetsu was the clear better of the two while Baron made my head hurt from all the stupid. Though Baron does have one saving grace and that's the performance of Yukata Kobayashi as both Kaito and Shapur. The contrast between the two personae really help to show his range. His performance and the silliness that comes with it save that part of the special from becoming unwatchable. Now on to more tasty meat for next time where we get more Gaim action by taking a look at Drive and Gaim's crossover movie. See you soon.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Yu-gi-oh! 5D's is owned by Katsumi Ono, Konami and Studio Gallop.
Spider-Man 3 is owned by Marvel Studios and Colombia Pictures.
Duck Soup is owned by Paramount Pictures and Groucho Marx.
Archer is owned by Adam Reed, Floyd County Productions, Radical Axis and FX Producions.
Zoolander is owned by Village Roadshow Pictures, VH1 Films and Paramount Pictures.
Electric Café is owned by Kraftwerk and Kling Klang Studios.
People Get Up and Drive Your Funky Soul is owned by James Brown, Tim Rogers, Cliff White and Polydor.
The Ren & Stimpy show is owned by Bob Camp, John Kricfalusi, Spümcø, Games Animation and Nickelodeon.
Conan the Barbarian (1982) is owned by Dino De Laurentiis Corporation and Universal Pictures.

Video Game Review: Persona Retrospective: Persona (PSP) Part 4: Absolutly Flawless

So our heroes fight their way though the streets, fighting demons along the way. After they spend time at the casino playing games, picking up the Totems for later and creating two saves (one is for preparation for the Ice Queen Quest which I will cover after the main quest) they finally get to the shrine where they start to look for Maki's mo.... hey look a butterfly! Our heroes everyone, distracted by shiny Bug Pokemon when they should be looking for critically injured people! Yukino asks the obviously silly question about how there might be something off about the Butterfly. Gee let's think here, a golden butterfly just magically materialized out of nowhere while the streets of your town are being flooded by demons. Lady, I think that a golden Beautifly popping out of nowhere is the least weirdest thing you've seen today! They start to trip out and meet Philemon again.
           

After that bit of foreshadowing the gang finds Maki's mom RIGHT NEXT TO THEM! Hey um quick question, when the demons showed up did everyone else lose all sense of Peripheral Vision?!

"Maki's mother Setsuko Sonomura. She works at SEBEC as an engineering specialist."

 Setsuko tells the group that she took a bullet wound after being shot at by Kandori's goons. She also says that he's the one responsible for the changes done to the town and that she was involved in creating a device that is responsible, the DEVA System. It was designed to affect reality but she had no idea it would get this bad. Hang on, something with the power to warp and rewrite reality goes out of control and the whole world is twisted upside down?

Nah. That would just be stupid.

 Setsuko says that Kandori gives absolutely no shits about what he's doing. She wants to go to the police and tell them what is going on, but aside from them dismissing her because it sounds like several flavors of crazy; the police station is a no go anyway since Elly came from there before meeting up with the gang at the hospital and according to her the place is already taken over by demons. Mark asks Setsuko how she escaped, she says she got out through a secret freight entrance in the abandoned factory next door. She then gives the group her security card before passing out. The group then splits up with Mark and Nanjo heading off to the factory while Naorin, Elly and Yukino take Setsuko back to the school to recover. After Elly gives a really dumb password Ms Saeko shows up to help get Setsuko to the Nurses office, she tells Elly and Yukino to help Ayase and Yuko plug up the hole in the wall near the gym's passageway.

Oh right I forgot to mention Yuko Himeno, long story short she's Maki's best friend and dirt poor. As for her character, just remember Pre-Chunin exam Hinata from Naruto and you're good.

 After Setsuko fills Saeko in on what happened she tells Naorin to go by the hole and ask Yukino and the others to not fill up the hole since she thinks that Mark and Nanjo might come back. Now before you do anything make sure you talk to everyone and go to the sports club rooms to collect some new weapons and gear for your team. Once you tell Yuka that you're off to attack SEBEC Maki shows up! Wait what? And for some reason she seems more perky and optimistic then when you saw her in the hospital. As in she's well enough to move of her own accord. Even Ayase knows that something stinks like dead fish and responds accordingly.
         

 Ayase thinks this Maki is a demon in disguise. Yuko doesn't think so because she has Maki's favorite compact mirror around her neck. "Maki" wonders if something is different with Yuko, but before we get any answers Nanjo shows up and says that Mark was captured by demons at the police station when he was trying to get some weapons. Nanjo managed to escape with some guns to get help since Mark still has the security card (otherwise he would have just left his ass there to get munched on by demons, great guy huh?) Once outside Maki asks what a police station is, and no she's not joking because even after being told by Nanjo what it is she still has no idea what the hell he's talking about. Even more warning flags are raised since Maki asked when the gym was renovated and Nanjo replies when she was hospitalized and Maki says she's never been in a hospital. Just as the group is about to head out a demon attacks, Maki then summons her Persona, Maso of the Priestess Arcana.

Based off of Mazu or Matsu, a Chinese Goddess of the Sea that protects fishermen and sailors from its many dangers.

Once that's all taken care of it's time for a jailbreak. The trio gets to the station and finds that the place is trashed; but they find a key to the prison cells and haul ass over there. Once there they find not only Mark but Brown locked up as well. Apparently he had the same idea and came to the station to get some weapons but got caught too, the police lieutenant shows up but it turns out to be a demon in disguise and sends zombie cops after the group. Brown is speechless after the others kill the zombies with their Personas. Just as the Demon Lieutenant is about to kill Brown he summons his own Persona, Nemhain of the Justice Arcana.

Along with Badb Catha and Macha, Nemhain was part of a trio of goddesses that represented various aspects of the goddess Morrigan. Nemhain represented the state of frenzy and panic and often created such feelings in armies, causing those of such states to attack both allies and enemies in rage.

 With the demons gone Mark gets Brown up to speed, then he gives Naorin the access card and rejoins the group. Now with four permanent party members we need to discuss the potential fifth member, in the main quest you can choose who will be in your party as the fifth member between Brown, Ayase, Elly and Reiji. Be careful though, once you choose one, you're stuck with him/her, and Yukino is only available in the Ice Queen Quest. But the one you will really want to get is Reiji. Why? Because not only will he have exclusive access to certain Personas, have negotiation skills that work on almost every demon, has some actual relevance to the plot and (most importantly) can only be obtained as a party member in the SEBEC story that's the one we're going to aim for, if you've been following my reviews and wondering why I've been pointing out those Reiji parts, this is why. If you don't want Reiji my second best choice would be Elly since she has similar points to Reiji like the compatibility with certain Personas but also because you can choose her to be a Party member in Persona 2: Eternal Punishment and well, continuity and all that. But don't worry, you can still play with Brown, Ayase and Elly as party members in the Snow Queen Quest, along with Yukino. So for now when Brown offers his services just say no. With that Brown heads back to the school while we head off to a certain room.

Welcome to the Velvet Room.

 This is where you can create new Personas with the help of some of Philemon's servants. The first is called Nameless.

He plays the piano to open the doors of the heart. Since music is the language of the soul as it were.

Next is Nameless' partner Belladonna.

Her singing accompanies Nameless' music. She covers her ears while she sings.

The last is the one who handles the fusions themselves and the one character that appears in almost every game in the Persona Franchise, Igor.

Yeah because THIS GUY looks trustworthy eh?

 

 Though these three; Personas can be drawn from the collective unconsciousness to aid those who are either directly chosen by the trio's master, or those who are bound by a contract when they are granted a certain power will be covered MUCH later. The purpose of the Velvet Room is to aid their guests by honing their power through creating more powerful Personas. Now to give the bare basics of how the Room works here, Igor will show you a list of potential Personas that can be fused from the Spell Cards obtained by negotiating with demons. Then by selecting the Persona you want and which cards you want to fuse to create it (you can also add an item from your stock to give your Persona a power boost or skill it couldn't normally know depending on what item you use in the fusion) all Igor has to do is use his special Bone Phone and voila new Persona. Also certain Personas can only be created by adding in a Totem Item into the item select. But the exclusive Persona can only be summoned by a fusion that would result in their Arcana. Remember that you can only create Personas that are at most Ten levels above you and can only equip them once the characters Persona level matches theirs.  The Persona list will tell you what characters work better with what Persona based on their Affinities.

Best - If the appropriate conditions are set, it may activate its Unknown Power.

Good - Can be equipped and used, but its Unknown Power will not be activated.

Bad - Can be equipped but not used in battle. Healing and support skills can still be used outside of battle via the menu.

Worst - Cannot be equipped.

 As you would assume, the party members have a "Best" affinity with their original Arcana, Naorin with the Emperor, Nanjo and the Hierophant, Maki with the Priestess you get the idea, however each of them has a second Arcana that also gives them "Best". I personally only bother to equip my party with Personas that have a "Best" affinity since they will level up their rank faster. Igor can also store away up to 16 extra Personas to swap out with the three each of the five characters can equip. You can also have Igor delete any Persona you want which will give you an item if you delete it once its Rank is maxed. Anything else you want to know, you can just ask Igor. Now listen to the sounds of the Velvet Room before we come back next time where we start the attack on SEBEC.
                   

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Shin Megami Tensai Persona is owned by Atlus and Sega.
The X-Men are owned by Marvel Comics, The Walt Disney Company, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.
Yugioh is owned by Konami, Kazuki Takahashi, Toei Animation, Shonen Jump and Viz Media.