Monday, October 16, 2017

Lets Play BioShock HD Part 6: Hephaestus & Rapture Central Control

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 So here we are, the lair of the beast himself aaaaand its surprisingly short considering all the build up. But the atmosphere is still quite palpable, this place is quite creepy and crawly, not as messed up as Medical or Fort Frolic but this place does have some rather nightmarish imagery. Also Ryan's office is where we bare witness to one of the best plot twists in all of gaming in my opinion. When I first played this game back in 2009 my jaw dropped when I finally got to Ryan and quite literally saw the writing on the wall, even if I was playing the Darth Vader clip in my mind because lets face it we all were. Though once you've played it a few times the twist does lose some of its punch but I honestly still love it. So watch, comment and enjoy would you kindly?

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Bioshock is owned by 2K Boston, 2K Australia, Take-Two Interactive, Ken Levine, Alyssa Finley and 2K Games.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Tokusatsu Review: Chou Super Hero Taisen Part 3: At least this isn't the Virtual Boy

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

What Shirakura keeps injecting between his toes to lead him to think why these movies are a good idea shall forever be a mystery.

 In case you somehow managed to miss the first two parts of this review, here's the links.

Part 1

Part 2

There you go you're all caught up now to finish this sucker. Where we last left off Hiiro managed to get into the Game World via the Laptop Little Jobe left behind.

I'm not quite sure Hiiro but I do know that this place has a refreshing mint flavor.
 After being reminded of the act would cost him his medical license in the sane and rational real world Data-Hiiro confronts him and the two transform to fight, True Brave kicking Brave's ass hard. Meanwhile Amu arrives at the skirmish and remembers "oh yeah I'm a Ranger I can fight too" so she morphs and joins Snipe and Paradox. Though she sucks in this movie and has to get back up from Data-Uutchy who also morphs and joins the fight, though without doing the Kyoryuger Dance that they always do when they morph which is a big old continuity foul and thus another sin. Even with Data-Uutchy's help Amu is about to be killed by the forces before getting back up from the rest of the Jyuoghers. Emu, Bootleg and Poppy are making their way to the Hospital/Castle when Emu is forced into another battle with the Data-Amazons Alpha, Omega and Neo.

 OK STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!! Amazons is supposed to take place in an alternate universe from the mainline Kamen Rider series so how the hell would Little Jobe even know about them much less be able to recreate them for Chou Super Hero Taisen?

 OH eat my ass with Chipotle Mayo Gosei! On top of the Amazons being narrative bullshit they have their own OP bullshit as apparently Ex-Aid only has 10 HP while the three Amazons have 10,000 each! But even with those bullshit handicaps Ex-Aid still manages to defeat the three Amazons with some helpful power ups but now has to deal with Data-Dark Kabuto, Dark Ghost and Dark Drive, oh Emperor damn it! Poppy and Bootleg finally manage to confront Little Jobe who explains that he was the one who created the bridge between the worlds so that Data-Shocker could destroy the real world.

 Bootleg then has his little back and forth with Little Jobe which goes on for what feels like a small eternity thanks to the movie editing the three fights into the conversation that ruins the flow of the scene (almost as if the movie thought that the kids would lose interest if there wasn't some action going on in between this conversation, basically the movie is jingling its keys) and yet the two characters in this movie that supposedly don't have emotions are still more emotive and convincing in their performances then Troy from Megaforce! But then again that's not saying much, hell Johnny from The Room is more of a convincing character then Troy.

 Hiiro finally manages to defeat Data-Hiiro but before Data-Hiiro fades away he gives his real self four things, an odd power up, the Galaxian Gashat, the deck full of Data Sentai and Rider cards and a request to save Little Jobe. So he pretty much ignores that by destroying the connection between the worlds despite Emu's objections. Well at least he was looking at the bigger picture in this case so I'll give him a pass, besides we really don't give a slimy sewer shit about Little Jobe so who cares? Besides all the buildings and people destroyed by Fred Fuchs are restored too which gets him pretty pissed off so he assumes his Monster form and then defeats Data-Uutchy. Emu, Hiiro, Bootleg and Josuk3po transform to help finish off the stragglers.

 Though Ex-Aid gets pined down by Fred Fuchs so Brave revives the rest of the GoRiders from their Clow Cards to back him up, for all the good it does as he just smacks them back into cards again in less then a minute making that scene completely pointless. So now it's time to crank up the bullshit to its highest level as Fred Fuchs calls out to Jark Matter (who he should have no knowledge of since he's only been in the game world) that gives him a giant mech which he of course knows how to pilot despite presumably just getting the thing now! This of course triggers the Shōji Yonemura slow mo explosions we've seen so many times even Michael Bay is sick to death of them. But not to worry they've got back up from the Kyuranger mechs which (thanks to the Gemini Kyuutama) can create two KyuuRen-Ohs to keep the Jark Matter mech at bay as well as Brave giving Ex-Aid the power up to make him grow to Giant Size (because of course Data-Hiiro saw that far ahead and this isn't just lazy writing no no no.) So Gaint Ex-Aid goes to his Super Form of Maximum Mighty X (thus drawing full comparisons to it and Gurren Laggan's design) to aid the two KyuuRen-Oh's fight Fred Fuchs and his Fuchazord.

 Brave uses some of the Hero Cards to back up Snipe and Paradox. One of them being Agito Burning Form, which has been bugging me since we saw him in GP, why is he always showing up in Burning Form? Ok when he showed up in GP he was fighting at night in a cave and it's established that Shining Form can only be called upon in the sunlight so Burning Form makes sense. But this fight is taking place in the daytime, with the sun out so what the hell? Did the Shining Form suit get too badly damaged or were they just being lazy; either way shows the people working on this just don't give a shit. Wrapping it up the heroes on the ground finish of the Data-Shocker solders and monsters while Ex-Aid and the Kyuurangers destroy the Fuchazord. In the after math Little Jobe is freed from the Game World because he wished for it really, really hard, yes seriously.

 So the Kyuurangers leave, Little Jobe goes back to his life and the CR doctors go back to their lives like none of this never happened. So that was Chou Super Hero Taisen and honestly I've seen worse from these movies. There was everything about Kamen Rider Taisen which you all should know about by now, the BS from Super Hero Taisen GP and how Shirakura clearly doesn't give a shit about Kamen Rider's history this is honestly pretty low on the totem pole of annoyance, pretty much about as watchable as Super Hero Taisen Z at best. But just like Super Hero Taisen GP this movie has a net based spinoff that tries to tie into the main series of Ex-Aid. It fails in this case but like the Kamen Rider Yongo net movies the Kamen Sentai Gorider Net movies are still better then the main movie itself, so when we come back we'll take a look at Chou Super Hero Taisen's DLC; Kamen Sentai GoRider and see where it stands in terms of DLC. Is it as good as Minerva's Den and Burial at Sea for BioShock 2 and Infinite or is it as bad as the True Ending of Asura's Wrath?

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is owned by Orion Pictures, Stephen Herek, Interscope Communications and Nelson Entertainment.
Power Rangers is owned by is owned by Saban Entertainment, Haim Saban, Renaissance Atlantic Entertainment, Toei Company, Ltd. and MMPR Productions, Inc.
The Room is owned by Tommy Wiesau.
Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.
Dragon ball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star. 

Monday, October 2, 2017

Lets Play BioShock HD Part 5: Fort Frolic

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Now in probably the most unoriginal thing I can say about this game Fort Frolic is my most favorite part of the game and genuinely the most creepy. Besides who else could possibly forget such a memorable character like Sander Cohen? This character by far steals the game for me, he's creepy, insane, memorable and just entertaining as hell. While I am grateful that he never got too popular otherwise he'd just be another Pyramid Head, Wolverine, Deadpool, Batman or Den-o, over used past the point of popularity almost entirely divorced from how and why he became popular in the first place to the point where he's overexposed and annoying.

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Bioshock is owned by 2K Boston, 2K Australia, Take-Two Interactive, Ken Levine, Alyssa Finley and 2K Games.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Tokusatsu Review: Chou Super Hero Taisen Part 2: Ex-Aid and Knuckles.

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Ok presuming I'm Red for my choices I'd go for; Kamen Rider Zolda, Gokai Blue, Ninja Black and Kamen Rider Femme. 
 So where were we? Oh right this movie decided to recreate the events of Pixels only with actually consistent rules and more idiots. Though honestly aside from some setting and character hiccups this movie really isn't all that bad in my eyes. I mean most of the heroes in this movie aren't the real ones just data recreations so our main characters aren't fighting the real heroes, and aside from the fight between the Ex-Aid Riders and Kyuurangers there actually is a reason for the upcoming battles, to determine the strongest team to save the real world from the Xevious invasion. Though this just begs the question of "why don't every single one of these heroes fight Xevious's ships instead of just a special group of five decided by a pointless tournament? You know like how all of the Sentai Teams worked together to fight the initial Zangyek invasion in Gokaiger?"

 It's still better then asinine character destroying reasons like "you're too attached to the dead" or "only Riders or Sentai can exist not both" hell this premise completely opposes that last example. But there's still an hour left to go so it could pull a 180 and go into complete shit. Back to Emu he has to pick the members of his team. Hey you guys remember the Secret Wars Episodes from the 94 Spider-Man cartoon where he has to pick some of Earth's heroes to help him fight the Villains picked by the Beyonder?

 Remember the thought and strategy in deciding who to bring and Peter rallying these heroes to save Battleworld from the Beyonder's villains? Yeah this is like that only with no dignity. Oh but before I forget there's a detail I need to cover, this movie was made this year (2017) which also marks the 10th anniversary of Kamen Rider Den-O which for the longest time was one of Toei's most successful and popular series. So you'd think that they brought back Den-O himself Takeru Satoh to reprise his role of Ryotaro Nogami (his breakthrough role BTW) to commemorate this event right?

 Instead we have his Imagin partner Data-Momotaros showing up as Den-O. This is exactly like if the Iron Man suit did the fighting without Tony Stark, it can be done but you're missing a critical component to be truly effective. Anyway Data-Momotaros joins on as the team's pink member even though as Emu points out he's Red (so really Momotaros and Emu should have switched their colors. I know this is nitpicking but then again the movie is forgoing color accuracy for the sake of a word pun so that's a sin right there.) With Data-Momotaros on Data-Urataros sends him off and tries to get a real Pink on their team for him to flirt with.

What the shell is wrong with you?! You could have picked any of the Pink Rangers but you not only had to chose the child in the grownups body but also one of the ToQgers; my 2nd most hated Sentai?

 As if a sign from the Emperor himself Data-Momotaros just shoos the lolicon shell head off as well as Sleepy Bear Data-Kintaros. Their next pick is Blue so Data-Momotaros just stops the roulette and lands on Kamen Rider Specter, but the world is a cruel bastard and instead they end up with Data-Yakumo (AoNinger). He joins up and for Yellow he picks his mentor MagiYellow. But gets Data-Jin Masato (Beat Buster) instead, but hey they're played by the same guy so close enough. All that's left is green and Data-Jin goes for Data-Kitaoka; Kamen Rider Zolda.

 Ok while Zolda is my favorite Rider from Ryuki this brings up a massive plot hole, Zolda and the rest of the Ryuki riders shouldn't exist. If you saw Ryuki you should know that after the events of that series the riders were erased from existence since the creator of the decks they use to become riders was retroactively erased from existence. And no it's never explained how the Ryuki riders were restored past the rider world unification Decade caused so any use of the Ryuki Kamen Riders is 100% bullshit. This makes even less sense once we learn about who created this game but that's something for later.

 Back on track Data-Kitaoka is missing his #1 guy Goro, sorry dude but the only way to get Goro is through f-ing Pre-Order DLC for Moral Kombat X, thanks a lot Warner Bros you greedy little turd sniffers! Sorry bout that, now that Emu has his team together it's time for the tournament. They defeat their first opponents the Data-DaiRangers with little to no problem but Emu catches sight of the kid from earlier and goes after him. Back in the real world Hiiro is going over medical records of a kid, the same kid skulking around in Chou Super Hero Taisen as well as the flashback he had earlier named Eito (pronounced 8) when Amu, Jousk3po and Discount Spock enter the CR office. Amu asked the two Kyuurangers to look up Hiiro's medical records and learned that Eito was assigned as Hiiro's patient right after he came back from America.

 Hiiro has another flashback to when he met Eito who didn't care that he was infected with a virus that was digitizing his body; only fixated on completing Chou Super Hero Taisen. No seriously whether Eito died or not had absolutely no concern with him whatsoever to the point where he doesn't even bother with any operation to fix his illness due to him not caring. Now this wasn't out of depression or anything like that Eito literally did not care. Hiiro said that he would only perform operations for those who wanted them and Eito's only response was a "eh whatever" so Hiiro was like "fine whatever" and I guess fucked off for lunch or something. You know I think we might need a second opinion here; Doc, yeah could you tell Hiiro exactly what your thoughts of this situation are?

 Yep, Hiiro, in that one moment you just lost your medical license and would be slumming it out with Taiga right now because YOU DO NOT ASK A MINOR FOR CONSENT TO PERFORM A LIFESAVING PROCEDURE OR NOT!!!! Why in the wide, wide, world of Sports did you ask the underaged totally not living on his own child instead of oh I don't know HIS LEGAL GUARDIAN WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS CARE AND WELFARE?! As we clearly see Eito is not in the proper state of mind both developmentally, mentally due to his fixation on his programing or legally to be making these kinds of decisions on his own. This kid clearly has mental issues impairing his judgment so you just take his word that he doesn't want to be cured and walk off?! This kid honestly would have been better off in the care of that psychotic Nazi fuck Keriger!

 I'm honestly not joking Keriger is more qualified to have a medical license then you after that decision you stupid, pretentious fuckwit! You rag on Emu for being a novice because he cares too much for his patients when even the most incompetent of interns, hell the Janitor from Scrubs can tell you that you don't ask a minor for legal consent on this matter!!! Oh and look after you listened to the moronic brat instead of his legal guardians and didn't perform the surgery on him Eito gets sucked into the Internet after he finished Chou Super Hero Taisen and distributed it online! Now I know next to nothing on Japanese Medical Care much less power of attorney for minors in Japan but I'm pretty damn skippy that this would never fucking fly in a institution that has even the slightest modicum of common sense.

 This right here is the scene that breaks the movie for me because this actually gets worse. Skipping ahead a bit we learn that Eito is the one responsible for all of this, as if his stylized 8 logos all over the game world weren't enough of a giveaway on top of the fact that he was the one who created Chou Super Hero Taisen in the first place; he is the mastermind behind the Xevious invasion and something else that will be revealed later. But the point is this whole situation is entirely Hiiro's fault due to his horribly incompetent and dangerous decision to listen to the moron kid instead of any legally certified guardian and just did not perform the surgery. You know the worst part is that this horrible decision making is somewhat consistent with Hiiro from the main series. Considering his treatment of Saki leading to the perfection of Graphite as well as teaming up with Kamen Rider Cronus to get her back.

 Even though he knew damn full well that Cronus was a psychopath who would never save her and keep using the threat of deleting her data as a means to keep him on a leash which would result in the enslavement of the world by perpetuating Kamen Rider Chronicle when all he had to due was help Emu beat him the first chance they had! Which would lead to putting his crazy ass in Jail, reclaiming all the Proto Gashats and thus save Saki and all the other victims. Honestly Hiiro has always been a problem character for me thoughout this series from his first appearance to the end. His ego and uncaring attitude toward his patients honestly rubbed me the exact wrong way to the point where I was wishing that his hands would be crushed like Stephen Strange if anything to get him off his high horse, get a clue and have a whole humble pie shoved down his gullet! To me a doctor that is that careless, incompetent, uncaring and arrogant should not be placed anywhere near a scalpel much less an ICU, I mean for the love of god Justine are you a real doctor or a doctor like how Dr Pepper's a doctor?

 Enough of my ranting back to the idiot plot; on top of the disease Little Jobe also apparently suffered from what I can guess is Alexthymia (spoilers it's not he was just a disinterested little shit) but if that's the case why would he want to make a video game about the Riders and Sentai? While Discount Spock notices that sounds just like him; in the game world Poppy and Emu catch up to Little Jobe who explains that he refused Hiiro's operation like a dumbass. Which is again ignoring the decision of his legal guardians and not the moronic brat who claims to not have emotions that lead him to be sucked into the internet somehow. Emu thinks that Poppy can get him out but apparently she can't if he's already become a game character (yet that didn't stop you from retrieving Kuroto from the Proto Mighty Action X Origin Gashat a few episodes later so yeah this movie's full of shit what else is new) even then Little Jobe is perfectly content with staying in the game world. Data-Momotaros however tells Emu that the next match is coming up and so he leaves to join up with the team.

The movie actually decides to be merciful and just skips ahead to the final match between Team Emu and Team Genm which consists of Data-Gemn Level X, Kamen Riders Ryugun and Specter, MomoRanger and much to my dismay Yellow Owl. The match is 5 V 5 with Zolda taking the first point by defeating Ryugun. Beet Buster defeats Yellow Owl and as for MomoRanger Vs Den-O all I can say is Happy 10th Anniversary Den-O!!!!
Weakness IDENTIFIED!!!!
 Way to treat one of your biggest cash cows and most popular Kamen Rider series Toei! Yakumo also loses to Specter so Ex-Aid has to take down Genm to break the tie which he of course does otherwise the movie would end already. So Team Ex-Aid has won the tournament and can now claim the power to stop the Xevious invasion force, the combined powers of the Kamen Riders and Super Sentai, Kamen Sentai Gorider!

 Ok to be perfectly honest it's not that bad it's just five Kamen Rider Ichigo suits with the GoRanger color-scheme and a cape big freaking woop. Though a personal cool part is that they each get their own battle vehicle (no combination thankfully since that would have most likely been an off balance asymmetrical mess) AkaRider gets the Variblune, AoRider gets Castle Doran, MidoriRider gets the Gokai Galleon, KiRider gets MagiDragon (we get the joke), and of course MomoRider gets the Den-Liner. They manage to destroy the Xevious forces with little fanfare and destroy the main ship by completing the Independence Day homage and hit the giant glowing red fuck me spot underneath the ship, granted without Randy Quaid pulling a Kamikaze attack.

 With Xevious all clear the Kamen Sentai powers down and the five GoRider Clow cards fly off leaving only Ex-Aid behind. Just in time for the bonus stage or as I redundantly like to call it, the Season Pass from hell.
"Corporate Commander here to tell you about the AAA hit from Namco Bandai, Chou Shocker Taisen only for PS4 because Fuck PC gaming! It comes with everything you all love, Microtransactions, a 100 Dollar Day one collectors edition and of course a 60 Dollar season pass! This little beauty will be localized by the wonderfully talented people of Bandai of America and published by Gearbox Software; which will be handled by my personal favorite sock puppet Randy. So pick it up the same day as this years Call of Duty you stupid fucking Whales, and remember YOU NEED IT!!!"
 Ok to be fair this isn't the real Shocker; again it's just the Data versions of them because let's face it if Little Jobe was going to make a villain faction for the Rider and Sentai to fight; Shocker is sadly the first and most famous villain group in this franchise so that does make sense. Besides if the real Shocker were involved we'd know about it already because Shirakura has made them as subtle as a wrecking ball slamming down on your foot. Anyway Data-Shocker as I'll be calling them begin their rampage with the Black Cross King leading the charge with additional Sentai Big Bads and foot solders.
Who the hell is that asshole?
 This is actually the "Great Leader" of Data-Shocker, Shocker Great Leader 3 as he calls himself and he, of course wants to avenge the destruction of the real Shocker by taking over the real world and this is soooo not getting the M.Bison clip. This asshole even had the balls to steal Fruit Jesus' catchphrase, I now despise this tool with all of my hate! So Fred Fuchs orders his army to start the attack after Emu gets wicked off into the corn fields. Amu and Hiiro arrive but both leave just as quickly after Taiga tells Hiiro that unless the connection between the two worlds is broken the real world will be destroyed. Parado arrives as well and thankfully he's in a good mood because he joins the game and fights Data-Shocker with Taiga. The two transform and take on the forces while Hiiro goes into the Game world again to talk with Data-Hiiro.

 Speaking of; Emu is confronted by Data-Hiiro and Little Jobe who finally reveal they're the ones behind all of this. It's the same plan as Kamen Rider Taisen, Data-Hiiro is destroying the real world leaving the game world for Little Jobe as penance for the real Hiiro failing to save him. The two walk off while Poppy gets a transmission from Discount Spock saying that he wants to talk with Little Jobe. So she pulls him in while Hiiro goes back to his apartment and pulls out Little Jobe's laptop that he somehow has. You'd think that thing would be kept at the hospital to analyze how he got sucked into the Game World but that would mean that you're a logical and sensible person, thus not Toei's target audience for this brain dump of a movie! So somehow Hiiro uses Little Jobe's computer to get himself sucked into the Game World too, how?

"With Scieneeeeeeence!!!!!!!"
 That's it my stupidity meter has hit its limit for now so come on by next time as we wrap up this stupid movie with Hiiro trying to clean up his own damn mess and the final fight against Fred Fuchs!

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Archer is owned by Adam Reed, Floyd County Productions, Radical Axis and FX Productions.
Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Metalocalypse is owned by Brendon Small, Tommy Blancha, Titmouse, Inc and Williams Street.
Phelous and the Movies is owned by Phelan Portland and Channel Awesome. Yep. 
House is owned by David Shore, NBC Universal Television Distribution, Heel and Toe Films, Bad Hat Harry Production and Shore Z Productions.
Superman Returns is owned by Dc Comics, Bryan Singer, Warner Bros Pictures, Bad Hat Harry Productions, Legendary Pictures and Peters Entertainment.
Spongebob SquarePants is owned by Nickelodeon, Stephen Dillenburg, United Plankton Pictures, and Viacom International Media Networks
Dinosaur Adventure is owned by Dingo Pictures

Monday, September 18, 2017

Let's Play BioShock HD Part 4: Arcadia and Farmer's Market

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

 Well ok there's also the Smugglers Hideout as well but honestly that area was so small I bet nobody even cares to mention it. Though aside from that I do have to apologize for the amount of videos in this part. Some business kept popping up so I had no choice but to stop every so often thus the five videos here on top of what happened in the first video. As for the levels themselves I wonder why exactly they only used the Pigskin Splicers in the Farmers Market? I mean they're only in the Market and the final boss fight so what exactly was the point? But regardless Arcadia does provide some actual logic to the setting since as Atlas said "Bottom of the Ocean boy'o, no trees no Oxygen".

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Bioshock is owned by 2K Boston, 2K Australia, Take-Two Interactive, Ken Levine, Alyssa Finley and 2K Games.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Tokusatsu Review: Chou Super Hero Taisen Part 1: Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry™ Series

When you're done read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Coming out even more frequently then FNAF and Assassins Creed, and unfortunately half as good but just as consistaint.
 Because of course there's another one of these things even though the reception of these movies keep getting even worse and worse with every one that comes out. Hell last years Kamen Rider #1 movie at the time of this article is sitting at a 4.8 on IMDB!

Ouch, even worse is that if you look at their Box office intake they're going down in flames. 
 If you follow this link to TvTrope's page on 2015's Super Hero Taisen GP you'll see that it was the worst received of all of the Taisen movies.

 Which only begs the question of why in the wide, wide world of sports does Toei keep making these things? Also why do they keep making them with the worst director and writer in their staple being Shōji Yonemura and Osamu Kaneda respectively? Probably because their paymaster is Shinichiro Shirakura AKA Japanese Dan Didio who has been proven time and time again to be one of the worst producers at Toei. Hell just look at the staff changes for Kamen Rider Hibiki for proof of that alone, plus apparently he considers the modern Heisei Kamen Riders to be "boring and toothless" as compared to his baby Amazons. Kaylin Saucedo AKA Marzgirl has summed up the general reaction to this statement on this Tumbler post.

 Now what he probably also implies in this statement is that the shows he produced were superior to the current run which for the most part lacked his direct involvement which ran from Agito to Decade minus Kiva, all of which have had major problems and have demonstrated a general lack of care or respect to Ishinomori's works which have ironically become his company's biggest cash cows. There's shooting yourself in the foot and then there's blasting your entire leg off with a sawed off Shotgun! Which leads to a big question from me. If you hate this genre so much why the hell don't you just quit and let someone who does care take charge already? But of course this is making money in your world (aka Dodo land) so who cares you'll keep making these movies and pissing the fans off until the backlash is so intense you'll be forced to step down and I and many others will be there with bags of popcorn and hot dogs watching the festivities unfold.

 But enough about how Toei is run by gigantic douche-canoes time to carve open their latest turkey. Now these events aren't mentioned in the actual series (and for good reason) but there'll still be spoilers for Ex-Aid and Kyuuranger. (Though again I don't give a flying fiddlers fuck for Kyuuranger and have given up on it after Episode 1 a first for me as it was that bad! As such I shall also be giving them appropriate Nicknames, see if you can guess which is which.) We open surprisingly not in Japan but in Seoul South Korea (probably a shout out to those who watch Kyoryuger Brave). It's a peaceful day and an Old Man is playing Mighty Action X when it switches to Xevious which summons a blue pixelated wave of energy into the sky summoning a scale sized Andor Genesis which proceeds to go Independence Day on the city.

 Oh god this really is Pixels, quick hide Peter Dinklage I don't think his career can survive another bomb like this! From bad to worse we cut to the Orion the Kyuuragners' main ship where their boss Spyro the Dumbass Dragon informs the team on the situation. They think it might be Jark Matter but don't know for sure yet. Their Red Dumbluck is about to cream his Disney underwear over  the prospect of an unknown enemy and the Kyuurangers display their own unique flavors of annoying before checking it out, moving on! They apparently do their stupid Deploy Roulette thing so only Dumbluck, Bootleg Spock, Josuk3PO, Luigi Mario and Kurumi go down to stop the unknown threat instead of all 9 of their current ships which would be better to counteract the squadrons of ships the main one keeps sending out!

 Unsurprisingly this does not go well for the Spaceballs until they form KyuuRen-Oh where they cut the entire ship clean in half with one swing of their sword! But the Genesis just comes back and after a beam struggle with KyuuRen-oh we cut to our title card for the movie. Thankfully afterwords we don't focus back on the Kyuurangers but cut to the hospital Emu aka Ex-Aid works at where an unusual patent is brought in, Amu aka Jyuoh Tiger, she's in bad shape, barely conscious and bleeding so they check her x-rays.
Oh dear sweet god she's a Diclonius, quick get her out of here before Lucy shows up and kills us all!
 Of course since Amu's a Jyuman her catlike skeletal structure is leaving Emu stumped. But since Hiiro is Hiiro he tells Amu he'll cure her with no problem. Later on she's transferred to the CR monitoring room where she wakes up and explains what happened, she and the other Jyuohgers were fighting off the Xevious ships who apparently in this universe destroyed Jyuland. I say universe because on top of the Kyuurangers being around despite them apparently being set in the future or an alternate universe; at the end of Jyuogher Jyuland merged with Earth so this makes no sense. Continuity errors, in a Shirakura production, you're swimming in them!

 Poppy shows up and explains what Xevious is for those who've never been to an Arcade in the last few decades. She doesn't however know why the Xevious Bugsters are attacking. On the roof Emu and Hiiro contemplate what's going on when KyuuRen-Oh lands near the hospital.

It's a giant Menorah the fuck do you think it is!?
 Still they check out the Menorah to see Dumbluck, Leman Russ, Sasuke Clone #3472, Yera Allon and Robo Bison try to capture Poppy; since she's a Bugster they figure she had something to do with Andor Genesis and the other Xevious ships' rampage. And with the Kyuurangers being dumb as bricks they're overly aggressive and try to take Poppy without hearing hers or the Ex-Aid Riders' side of the story just assuming that since she's a Bugster she's involved. Even when Emu tries to ask who they are Dumbluck just tells him to hand Poppy over so of course Emu, Hiiro and Taiga are going to fight to make sure Poppy isn't taken by these hotheaded idiots, I'd complain more but Dumbluck is normally this stupid and the Kyuuragers are just as stupid if not more so for putting up with him.

 Both sides transform and start the slugfest, and the camera is apparently being held by a drunken Monkey. Poppy managed to get away with Haima (Hiiro's suck up father) but get cut off by Josuk3PO (who was the one who told the others to get Poppy) and Bootleg Spock who freeze Haima. Before they can take Poppy Amu calms the two down, but before a logical solution can be reached more shit shows up. A nearby Genm corps game console apparently becomes a Broken COMP from Devil Survivor and starts playing Galaxian causing their Bugsters to show up to start swarming the heroes. Ex-Aid and Dumbluck break off their fight to get the civilians to safety ( even with my hate for Dumbluck this scene still shows he's a better hero then Bizzaro or Crazy Steve from Batman Vs Superman) before fighting off the Galaxian Bugsters.

 The COMP then switches to a new game that summons some odd back up, including Kiria Kujo AKA Kamen Rider Lazer with his new posse consisting of Shinken Blue, Bouken Pink, Mega Red, Den-O Gun Form (AKA Ryutaros) and Kamen Rider Shin-Zangetsu. This kit bash squad takes care of the Bugsters before going back into the game aptly named Chou Super Hero Taisen. Though a new player destroys the last Bugster and reveals he has the Galaxian Gashat, the Chou Super Hero Taisen version of Hiiro who has the power of Taddle Legacy Level 50, Kamen Rider True Brave. Both hero groups power down as Shadow Hiiro stares down the real him and goes back to the game with the Data Heroes. Emu asks Dumbluck if he can leave things to him and his allies, and Dumbluck says sure since he knows that there's no bad guys among heroes.

 Back at the university even Poppy doesn't know what's causing the worlds to bridge together. But Emu figures that the Data heroes still want to protect the Earth even if they aren't the real versions of those heroes so he and Poppy decide to get their help with the Xevious crisis. But if Emu comes then they might see it as an act of aggression so Poppy and Amu decide to go inside the game world to negotiate with any who could help (forgetting that Amu is a Jyuohger). They go inside and apparently find themselves in Silent Hill with weird 8 statues all over the place. They're specifically looking for Shadow Hiiro since they figure that he's the one in charge but find nobody except for a kid (goddamn it a kid) who runs off.

 But before the two can speculate the game announces another match and pits Amu against Kamen Rider Data-Stronger. She morphs and manages to defeat Data-Stronger who gets turned into a card and flies off, but Jyuoh Tiger then has to fight against Data-Amazon. Poppy then gets a transmission from Emu who figures that Data-Hiiro is most likely hiding out in the Game world's version of the hospital.
Castle of Hiiro Kagami
South Jersey Shore
 Amu is about to be killed by Data-Amazon but is saved by Data-Utchy (Kyoryu Gold) who beats Data-Amazon back to a Clow Card that flies off. After introductions are made Data-Utchy escorts Amu and Poppy to where Data-Hiiro is. They explain their idea to Data-Hiiro who agrees but says that they have to follow the rules of Chou Super Hero Taisen if they want their help against Xevious. Data-Hirro designates Emu as the game's player and he's whisked off to the player select screen and is given the rules, he has to pick a team composed of five heroes. It doesn't matter whether it's of a mix of Sentai and Riders or just Sentai or all Riders and compete against other teams in a tournament to determine who will become the Kamen Sentai Gorider which will be the team to defeat Xevious and save the real world.

 Ex-Aid is already the Red by default (though he should be Pink technically but whatever) so he has to pick between the Blue, Yellow, Green and Pink heroes for his team. Who will Emu pick for his team? Who created Chou Super Hero Taisen? Who released the Xevious Bugsters in the first place? Will that Pizza make it in 30 minutes or less? Find out next time in Part 2 of my review of Chou Super Hero Taisen.

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Plan 9 from Outer Space is owned by Ed Wood.
Patton is owned by Franklin J. Schaffner, 20th Century Fox and based on Patton: Ordeal and Triumph by Ladislas Farago and A Soldier's Story by Omar Bradley
Futurama is owned by Matt Groening, David X. Cohen, 20th Century Fox Television and The Curiosity Company.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Lets Play BioShock HD Part 3: Neptune's Bounty

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 We finally escape the Medical Pavilion with our skin intact and head to honestly one of my least favorite areas in the game. No it's not because of the atmosphere or anything like that I don't really like this place since it gives us WAAAAAAAAAY too much ammo so early in the game that it mostly sucks most of the challenge out of the game for me. Also that means that there's ammo lying around on Splicer corpses which annoys me to absolutely no end. Now normally that would resort to me using Winter Blast or the Liquid Nitrogen mod of the Chemical Thrower but I'm too cheep for the Plasmid and since I know what's coming in Arcadia I'll just suck it up and blow my ammo on the Big Daddies.

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

Bioshock is owned by 2K Boston, 2K Australia, Take-Two Interactive, Ken Levine, Alyssa Finley and 2K Games.