Friday, September 26, 2014

Tokusatsu Review Kamen Rider Taisen Part 5: The power of the Shwartz!

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Now that the Mega Reverse Project is underway Ambassador Darkness mobilizes every single member of the Badan forces (except Schwarz because the dude really needs to talk with his agent) to take the surface world. In response Kouta tells Tsukasa that even if its down to the two of them they'll crush Badan. Takumi shows up saying to make that three. Takumi says that he's joining up not only to fulfill a dead boys wish, but also to find out the real reason why the Shōwa Riders are their enemies. So then the Fifth, tenth and Fifteenth Heisei Riders run to the battleground. But then they run into a very angry roadblock!
We're still in this movie!
Normally I'd be ecstatic; but given how you guys have been acting I and most of the audience are more then a little cross. However our heroes have back up not only from Kamen Rider Joker but also from Kamen Riders Kiva, OOO (Pronounced O's) and Wizard. Joker says that he fights for his clients, another message from his late boss. Wizard says that him, Kiva and OOO were the only ones they could get though. Dude, OOO is one of the strongest Riders ever, and Kiva is one of my top five favorite Riders, you've got this in the bag. Kouta agrees with me saying that they are more then enough. Kouta then asks why the Shōwa riders are getting in their way. Ichigo and Nigo basically repeat their "this is our fight, piss off noobs" shtick from earlier. Tsukasa then asks why the Shōwa Riders why they think that the Heisei riders are responsible for bringing Badan to the surface. Here it comes, where I get into rant overload, batten down the hatches and hide your children! Ichigo says that Badan, the land of the dead, was revived, because the Heisei Riders can't let go of their feelings for the dead.

                        
Oh wait you're being serious then let me laugh even harder.


Okay, where to start? First let's address the hypocrisy of that statement shall we? You claim that this was all on the Heisei Riders part; that their feelings to bring back their dead loved ones was what brought Badan back. Okay, from the remaining Shōwa Riders alone I can see at least four of you that  had friends and loved ones die right in front of you during your own series. V3's Father, Mother and Sister were brutally killed right in front of him, if I recall correctly that was what drove him to ask Ichigo and Nigo to make him into a Cyborg and become V3 in the first place! X became a Rider after his father built him into a Cyborg before he was killed by G.O.D (The Government of Darkness). Also his then girlfriend; she and her twin sister turned out to be Interpol agents sent in to investigate G.O.D, she was converted into a Cyborg against her will and was killed. Amazon counts for this too, not only did the man who raised him when his parents' plane crashed in the Amazon die giving him the Gi Gi armlet. But there was also this guy.
This is the Mole Beastman.
He was a defector from Geddon (the first organization that Amazon fought) who joined Amazon after the Rider saved his life. Mole then gave up his life to save millions of people from the poisons of the Mushroom Beastman by getting sprayed in the Mushroom Beastman's poison, fighting through the, no doubt excruciating pain to get the samples back to a doctor to save the victims. Lastly there is Black. I only have two words.
Shadow Moon
Point number two, Ichigo goes on to say that the main reason why Badan came back is because the Heisei Riders want to try reviving their dead loved ones. Now, first off, not all of the Heisei Riders have dead loved ones, so that's strike one! Now strike two is that if we take that statement to be literal, only two of the Hesei Riders have tried this! At the end of OOO's series, his main companion Ankh died when his main core metal was split in half. But as we saw in OOO and Fourze's crossover movie, (which I may remind you that the Legendary seven Riders played a significant part in the movie, helping the two Heisei Riders!) It will be fixed in the future and Ankh comes back no problem. The second is Wizard. The main source of the conflict of that show came from when the father of Wizard's charge, Koyomi tried to bring her back to life in a ritual that not only created the Phantoms (the monsters that Wizard fought) but also gave Haruto his powers as Wizard. And when she finally did die Haruto then went to find a good resting place for her, and when Koyomi did get revived in Gaim and Wizards movie, that wasn't a result of Haruto's actions either. It also turned her into a bad guy. Haruto knew full well that you can't bring back the dead and that there are somethings that magic can't solve! Strike three comes when X says that these supposed feelings gathered into Shuu's dad creating Fifteen, I already said that not every Rider has dead loved ones, or even if they did they probably died when they were too young to remember them anyway. Finally that reason paints the Shōwa Riders as thinking the Heisei Riders are weak because they care for and respect the memories of their dead loved ones! The Shōwa Riders are dicks in this movie, and hypocrites. So the Shōwa Riders say that by killing the Heisei Riders Badan's world will be sealed for good. Tsukasa says that that reason is bull. Ichigo then asks Tsukasa "Aren't you on a journey to find a place to die?" Tsukasa then gives one of his big speeches that sum up to this "I met friends on my travels through the worlds, most of them are already dead, but I won't forget them. Because I keep them eternally in my heart." (Gag me.) Takumi joins in saying that everyone lives and dies and that it doesn't matter whether someone you care for is dead or not. Kouta caps this off saying that if that wish is dear to them that they will grant it for them.
Compassion isn't weakness, you should know that better then anyone, asshole.
Kouta responds to this by saying if that's what Ichigo calls the Riders path, then he doesn't need that strength. With this, the lines are drawn, Kouta, Tsukasa and Takumi transforming to lead the charge against the remaining Shōwa Riders. Um, guys, Badan is still out there, you could finish your pissing contest after you save Earthrealm from merging with the Netherrealm. Oh wait that would require the Shōwa Riders to pull their heads out of their ass', there goes me and my logic again, my mistake! This fight, is really not that good. The camera is way too close to the action and it's way too short to get any enjoyment out of it. Nigo and Decade cross-counter each others Rider Punches and both get turned into Lockseeds. Wizard crushes Amazon, Riderman flings OOO around and beats him (Riderman is just a human with a special arm he couldn't hold a candle to OOO) Joker and Black take each other out with colliding Rider Kicks, with Gaim finishing off V3 and Riderman with a single sword stroke. Ichigo wipes out Kiva with a Rider Kick, reducing him to a Lockseed. So now it's just Ichigo and X v.s Faiz and Gaim. X and Faiz take each other out and are reduced to Lockseeds. While all that is going on Badan's machine finishes it's ascension with the Generalissimo saying that the Mega Reverse Machine is activating.
Um, what?
Yep it turns out Ambassador Darkness was an impostor.
Aka Kamen Rider ZX.
He knew what Badan was up too so he planted himself within Badan in order to keep an eye on them, learn about the Mega Reverse Project and destroy them from the inside. Now that the Mega Reverse Machine was revealed, Ryou throws one of his Cross Shuriken at the machine destroying it. However The Generalissimo knew about Ryou's plan, what he destroyed was a decoy. Fifteen then stabs Ryou in the chest for his troubles and throws him down to where Gaim is. It turns out the real Mega Reverse Machine was Badan's base itself. The base then rises out of the ground and flies over the city.
Oooh, Astronema's gonna sue somebody!
To make things even worse The Generalissimo then has the two remaining Riders surrounded by all of his monster forces. Ryou however has a plan, the reason why he was gathering the Rider Lockseeds wasn't just for swag. Ryou first transforms into ZX and, following Ichigo's plan uses Gaim's power to summon all of the Riders who apparently were teleported to the Helheim forest after they were turned into Lockseeds. ZX then uses his Micro chain to gather all of the Rider Lockseeds and place them into Gaim. This is the real power of the Kamen Riders.
I'm not even kidding, the special merchandizing Lockseeds, were the Deus Ex Machina of the movie. Could you get any more blatant? No, I'm not one of those anti corporate tree-huggers, the fact I'm telling you this on an Apple Computer ought to be proof of that alone. But just a little bit of subtlety; that's all I'm asking for. Especially when I know where Lockseeds come from this makes no sense. At least when they had the Rider Lockseeds in Gaim and Wizards movie they had the tools of the Riders' power transferred into the Lockseeds, so that explains where they came from. Like OOO's Taka core metal, Fourze's astroswitch, W's Joker memory etc. Just explain where did these come from. Was it a spell? Magic? You know what, I don't care. I'm just going to say a wizard did it, a wizard known as Yogurt. Anyway Gaim absorbed all the Lockseeds and summoned Cracks in the sky where all of the Kamen Riders come out of.
Inspirational poster makers, here's a free one for you.
So in other words the whole Rider generational war thing was just to set up a giant Trojan horse for this big moment. Now normally I would be caught off guard by this and say I didn't see it coming, except that this was the exact same damn plan they had in Super Hero Taisen! I'm not even joking. Fifteen just gloats, saying that once the machine is turned on they're all dead anyway. And sure enough Porcupine-Roid activates the machine and then the ground starts to fold back.
Think that the filmmakers might have seen "Inception" before making this movie? Didn't think so.
With that Fifteen transforms and the fight is on like Donkey Kong. The fight is mostly another cluster crap with montages of the Riders facing off with the Badan forces. Once again the editing goes too fast for us to get invested and the camera is just zoomed in too close to get a good scope of the action. The fight seems to be going in the Rider's favor until the Generalissimo decides to get in on the action and assumes his true form.
Oh god! It's an even dumber version of that zombie, T-Rex thing from Resident Evil 6
That's when the Generalissimo uses Meteor to attack ally and foe alike, knocking the Riders around quite good. Now it's time for me to talk about the full title of this movie. This is Kamen Rider Taisen featuring Super Sentai, but as mentioned with Schwarz's cameo earlier, Super Sentai finally gets in on the action. As indicated when Daigo aka KyoryuRed from Kyoryuger shows up out of nowhere and sends out his Mech Gabutyra to hold off the love child of Skeletor and Barney.
I sense there might be a bit of an advantage in the Generalissimo's favor. Don't you think?
"Now, where are the other Kyoryugers?" You may be asking? Well here they are.
The rest of the Kyoryugers as.
One of the fans' biggest problems with Kyoryuger is that far too much focus was given to Daigo, and I tend to agree. Sure other members got development but most of it was still given to Daigo. But I won't get into the specifics right now. Especially when we still have the last Fifteen minutes of the movie left to cover, and we get cameos from my most hated Sentai Team so far. All aboard!

Please be sure to read, comment, spread the links, re-tweet and follow me on Twitter @OnDavidsBrain! and support me on Patreon.

Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Death Note is owned by Studio Madhouse, Tsugumi Ohba, Shueisha,  Madman Entertainment and Viz media
Justice League is owned by Dc Comics, AOL Time Warner, Bruce Timm and Paul Dini 
Monty Python and the Holy Grail is owned by Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Python (Monty) Pictures and EMI films.
Spaceballs is owned by  Mel Brooks, Brooksfilms and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc.