Tokusatsu Review: Chou Super Hero Taisen Part 2: Ex-Aid and Knuckles.

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Ok presuming I'm Red for my choices I'd go for; Kamen Rider Zolda, Gokai Blue, Ninja Black and Kamen Rider Femme. 

 So where were we? Oh right this movie decided to recreate the events of Pixels only with actually consistent rules and more idiots. Though honestly aside from some setting and character hiccups this movie really isn't all that bad in my eyes. I mean most of the heroes in this movie aren't the real ones just data recreations so our main characters aren't fighting the real heroes, and aside from the fight between the Ex-Aid Riders and Kyuurangers there actually is a reason for the upcoming battles, to determine the strongest team to save the real world from the Xevious invasion. Though this just begs the question of "why don't every single one of these heroes fight Xevious's ships instead of just a special group of five decided by a pointless tournament? You know like how all of the Sentai Teams worked together to fight the initial Zangyek invasion in Gokaiger?"

 It's still better then asinine character destroying reasons like "you're too attached to the dead" or "only Riders or Sentai can exist not both" hell this premise completely opposes that last example. But there's still an hour left to go so it could pull a 180 and go into complete shit. Back to Emu he has to pick the members of his team. Hey you guys remember the Secret Wars Episodes from the 94 Spider-Man cartoon where he has to pick some of Earth's heroes to help him fight the Villains picked by the Beyonder?

 Remember the thought and strategy in deciding who to bring and Peter rallying these heroes to save Battleworld from the Beyonder's villains? Yeah this is like that only with no dignity. Oh but before I forget there's a detail I need to cover, this movie was made this year (2017) which also marks the 10th anniversary of Kamen Rider Den-O which for the longest time was one of Toei's most successful and popular series. So you'd think that they brought back Den-O himself Takeru Satoh to reprise his role of Ryotaro Nogami (his breakthrough role BTW) to commemorate this event right?

 Instead we have his Imagin partner Data-Momotaros showing up as Den-O. This is exactly like if the Iron Man suit did the fighting without Tony Stark, it can be done but you're missing a critical component to be truly effective. Anyway Data-Momotaros joins on as the team's pink member even though as Emu points out he's Red (so really Momotaros and Emu should have switched their colors. I know this is nitpicking but then again the movie is forgoing color accuracy for the sake of a word pun so that's a sin right there.) With Data-Momotaros on Data-Urataros sends him off and tries to get a real Pink on their team for him to flirt with.

What the shell is wrong with you?! You could have picked any of the Pink Rangers but you not only had to chose the child in the grownups body but also one of the ToQgers; my 2nd most hated Sentai?

 As if a sign from the Emperor himself Data-Momotaros just shoos the lolicon shell head off as well as Sleepy Bear Data-Kintaros. Their next pick is Blue so Data-Momotaros just stops the roulette and lands on Kamen Rider Specter, but the world is a cruel bastard and instead they end up with Data-Yakumo (AoNinger). He joins up and for Yellow he picks his mentor MagiYellow. But gets Data-Jin Masato (Beat Buster) instead, but hey they're played by the same guy so close enough. All that's left is green and Data-Jin goes for Data-Kitaoka; Kamen Rider Zolda.

 Ok while Zolda is my favorite Rider from Ryuki this brings up a massive plot hole, Zolda and the rest of the Ryuki riders shouldn't exist. If you saw Ryuki you should know that after the events of that series the riders were erased from existence since the creator of the decks they use to become riders was retroactively erased from existence. And no it's never explained how the Ryuki riders were restored past the rider world unification Decade caused so any use of the Ryuki Kamen Riders is 100% bullshit. This makes even less sense once we learn about who created this game but that's something for later.

 Back on track Data-Kitaoka is missing his #1 guy Goro, sorry dude but the only way to get Goro is through f-ing Pre-Order DLC for Moral Kombat X, thanks a lot Warner Bros you greedy little turd sniffers! Sorry bout that, now that Emu has his team together it's time for the tournament. They defeat their first opponents the Data-DaiRangers with little to no problem but Emu catches sight of the kid from earlier and goes after him. Back in the real world Hiiro is going over medical records of a kid, the same kid skulking around in Chou Super Hero Taisen as well as the flashback he had earlier named Eito (pronounced 8) when Amu, Jousk3po and Discount Spock enter the CR office. Amu asked the two Kyuurangers to look up Hiiro's medical records and learned that Eito was assigned as Hiiro's patient right after he came back from America.

 Hiiro has another flashback to when he met Eito who didn't care that he was infected with a virus that was digitizing his body; only fixated on completing Chou Super Hero Taisen. No seriously whether Eito died or not had absolutely no concern with him whatsoever to the point where he doesn't even bother with any operation to fix his illness due to him not caring. Now this wasn't out of depression or anything like that Eito literally did not care. Hiiro said that he would only perform operations for those who wanted them and Eito's only response was a "eh whatever" so Hiiro was like "fine whatever" and I guess fucked off for lunch or something. You know I think we might need a second opinion here; Doc, yeah could you tell Hiiro exactly what your thoughts of this situation are?

 Yep, Hiiro, in that one moment you just lost your medical license and would be slumming it out with Taiga right now because YOU DO NOT ASK A MINOR FOR CONSENT TO PERFORM A LIFESAVING PROCEDURE OR NOT!!!! Why in the wide, wide, world of Sports did you ask the underaged totally not living on his own child instead of oh I don't know HIS LEGAL GUARDIAN WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS CARE AND WELFARE?! As we clearly see Eito is not in the proper state of mind both developmentally, mentally due to his fixation on his programing or legally to be making these kinds of decisions on his own. This kid clearly has mental issues impairing his judgment so you just take his word that he doesn't want to be cured and walk off?! This kid honestly would have been better off in the care of that psychotic Nazi fuck Keriger!

 I'm honestly not joking Keriger is more qualified to have a medical license then you after that decision you stupid, pretentious fuckwit! You rag on Emu for being a novice because he cares too much for his patients when even the most incompetent of interns, hell the Janitor from Scrubs can tell you that you don't ask a minor for legal consent on this matter!!! Oh and look after you listened to the moronic brat instead of his legal guardians and didn't perform the surgery on him Eito gets sucked into the Internet after he finished Chou Super Hero Taisen and distributed it online! Now I know next to nothing on Japanese Medical Care much less power of attorney for minors in Japan but I'm pretty damn skippy that this would never fucking fly in a institution that has even the slightest modicum of common sense.

 This right here is the scene that breaks the movie for me because this actually gets worse. Skipping ahead a bit we learn that Eito is the one responsible for all of this, as if his stylized 8 logos all over the game world weren't enough of a giveaway on top of the fact that he was the one who created Chou Super Hero Taisen in the first place; he is the mastermind behind the Xevious invasion and something else that will be revealed later. But the point is this whole situation is entirely Hiiro's fault due to his horribly incompetent and dangerous decision to listen to the moron kid instead of any legally certified guardian and just did not perform the surgery. You know the worst part is that this horrible decision making is somewhat consistent with Hiiro from the main series. Considering his treatment of Saki leading to the perfection of Graphite as well as teaming up with Kamen Rider Cronus to get her back.

 Even though he knew damn full well that Cronus was a psychopath who would never save her and keep using the threat of deleting her data as a means to keep him on a leash which would result in the enslavement of the world by perpetuating Kamen Rider Chronicle when all he had to do was help Emu beat him the first chance they had! Which would lead to putting his crazy ass in Jail, reclaiming all the Proto Gashats and thus save Saki and all the other victims. Honestly Hiiro has always been a problem character for me thoughout this series from his first appearance to the end. His ego and uncaring attitude toward his patients honestly rubbed me the exact wrong way to the point where I was wishing that his hands would be crushed like Stephen Strange if anything to get him off his high horse, get a clue and have a whole humble pie shoved down his gullet! To me a doctor that is that careless, incompetent, uncaring and arrogant should not be placed anywhere near a scalpel much less an ICU, I mean for the love of god Justine are you a real doctor or a doctor like how Dr Pepper's a doctor?

 Enough of my ranting back to the idiot plot; on top of the disease Little Jobe also apparently suffered from what I can guess is Alexthymia (spoilers it's not he was just a disinterested little shit) but if that's the case why would he want to make a video game about the Riders and Sentai? While Discount Spock notices that sounds just like him; in the game world Poppy and Emu catch up to Little Jobe who explains that he refused Hiiro's operation like a dumbass. Which is again ignoring the decision of his legal guardians and not the moronic brat who claims to not have emotions that lead him to being sucked into the internet somehow. Emu thinks that Poppy can get him out but apparently she can't if he's already become a game character (yet that didn't stop you from retrieving Kuroto from the Proto Mighty Action X Origin Gashat a few episodes later so yeah this movie's full of shit what else is new) even then Little Jobe is perfectly content with staying in the game world. Data-Momotaros however tells Emu that the next match is coming up and so he leaves to join up with the team.

 The movie actually decides to be merciful and just skips ahead to the final match between Team Emu and Team Genm which consists of Data-Gemn Level X, Kamen Riders Ryugun and Specter, MomoRanger and much to my dismay Yellow Owl. The match is 5 V 5 with Zolda taking the first point by defeating Ryugun. Beet Buster defeats Yellow Owl and as for MomoRanger Vs Den-O all I can say is Happy 10th Anniversary Den-O!!!!

Weakness IDENTIFIED!!!!

 Way to treat one of your biggest cash cows and most popular Kamen Rider series Toei! Yakumo also loses to Specter so Ex-Aid has to take down Genm to break the tie which he of course does otherwise the movie would end already. So Team Ex-Aid has won the tournament and can now claim the power to stop the Xevious invasion force, the combined powers of the Kamen Riders and Super Sentai, Kamen Sentai Gorider!

 Ok to be perfectly honest it's not that bad it's just five Kamen Rider Ichigo suits with the GoRanger color-scheme and a cape big freaking woop. Though a personal cool part is that they each get their own battle vehicle (no combination thankfully since that would have most likely been an off balance asymmetrical mess) AkaRider gets the Variblune, AoRider gets Castle Doran, MidoriRider gets the Gokai Galleon, KiRider gets MagiDragon (we get the joke), and of course MomoRider gets the Den-Liner. They manage to destroy the Xevious forces with little fanfare and destroy the main ship by completing the Independence Day homage and hit the giant glowing red fuck me spot underneath the ship, granted without Randy Quaid pulling a Kamikaze attack.

 With Xevious all clear the Kamen Sentai powers down and the five GoRider Clow cards fly off leaving only Ex-Aid behind. Just in time for the bonus stage or as I redundantly like to call it, the Season Pass from hell.

"Corporate Commander here to tell you about the AAA hit from Namco Bandai, Chou Shocker Taisen only for PS4 because Fuck PC gaming! It comes with everything you all love, Microtransactions, a 100 Dollar Day one collectors edition and of course a 60 Dollar season pass! This little beauty will be localized by the wonderfully talented people of Bandai of America and published by Gearbox Software; which will be handled by my personal favorite sock puppet Randy. So pick it up the same day as this years Call of Duty you stupid fucking Whales, and remember YOU NEED IT!!!"

 Ok to be fair this isn't the real Shocker; again it's just the Data versions of them because let's face it if Little Jobe was going to make a villain faction for the Rider and Sentai to fight; Shocker is sadly the first and most famous villain group in this franchise so that does make sense. Besides if the real Shocker were involved we'd know about it already because Shirakura has made them as subtle as a wrecking ball slamming down on your foot. Anyway Data-Shocker as I'll be calling them begin their rampage with the Black Cross King leading the charge with additional Sentai Big Bads and foot solders.

Who the hell is that asshole?

 This is actually the "Great Leader" of Data-Shocker, Shocker Great Leader 3 as he calls himself and he, of course wants to avenge the destruction of the real Shocker by taking over the real world and this is soooo not getting the M.Bison clip. This asshole even had the balls to steal Fruit Jesus' catchphrase, I now despise this tool with all of my hate! So Fred Fuchs orders his army to start the attack after Emu gets whisked off into the corn fields. Amu and Hiiro arrive but both leave just as quickly after Taiga tells Hiiro that unless the connection between the two worlds is broken the real world will be destroyed. Parado arrives as well and thankfully he's in a good mood because he joins the game and fights Data-Shocker with Taiga. The two transform and take on the forces while Hiiro goes into the Game world again to talk with Data-Hiiro.

 Speaking of; Emu is confronted by Data-Hiiro and Little Jobe who finally reveal they're the ones behind all of this. It's the same plan as Kamen Rider Taisen, Data-Hiiro is destroying the real world leaving the game world for Little Jobe as penance for the real Hiiro failing to save him. The two walk off while Poppy gets a transmission from Discount Spock saying that he wants to talk with Little Jobe. So she pulls him in while Hiiro goes back to his apartment and pulls out Little Jobe's laptop that he somehow has. You'd think that thing would be kept at the hospital to analyze how he got sucked into the Game World but that would mean that you're a logical and sensible person, thus not Toei's target audience for this brain dump of a movie! So somehow Hiiro uses Little Jobe's computer to get himself sucked into the Game World too, how?

"With Scieneeeeeeence!!!!!!!"

 That's it my stupidity meter has hit its limit for now so come on by next time as we wrap up this stupid movie with Hiiro trying to clean up his own damn mess and the final fight against Fred Fuchs!

Special thanks to my Patreon backer Jesse for his support.

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