Movie Review: Back to the Future 3 Part 1: NO YOU Think 4th Dimensionally!

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Yep buckaroos its time to wrap this trilogy up with Back to the Future 3. Now before I start I just want to address a mistake I made in the review of Back to the Future 2. The guy that played the chicken noises on his chest when Marty was in 2015 wasn't played by Billy Zane. I thought that since he was in the movie he would still be playing the same type of character but it turns out I should have checked the credits to see he was playing one of the goons in the alternate 1985. I goofed.

Now on to the business at hand. At the end of BTTF 2 Marty was stranded in 1955 due to lightning hitting the DeLorean so he decided to track down 1955 Doc to get help. So we cut to the 1955 Doc helping the first Marty get back to 1985 when our Marty shows up after the first Marty went back and tells Doc that he's back which causes Doc to pass out. Anybody else as confused as I am after that sentence? Good it's not just me and usually I can keep up with convoluted BS I mean I understand the storyline of Kingdom Hearts for christ's sake and I'm still struggling.

 After the opening credits we see Marty's taken Doc back to his home. After being woken by Howdy Doody Doc starts to record an audio log thinking the alternate Marty a dream and him waking up in his home was just temporary amnesia. Marty says otherwise causing Doc to freak out and after Marty explains what happened in an even shorter amount of time then I did he shows Doc the Letter that his future self sent Marty.

Dear Marty,

If my calculations are correct, you will receive this letter immediately after you saw the DeLorean struck by lightning. First, let me assure you that I am alive and well. I've been living happily these past eight months in the year 1885. The lightning bolt that hit the DeLorean caused a gigawatt overload which scrambled the time circuits, activated the flux capacitor, and sent me back to 1885. The overload shorted out the time circuits and destroyed the flying circuits. Unfortunately, the car will never fly again.

I set myself up as a blacksmith as a front while I attempted to repair the damage to the time circuits. Unfortunately, this proved impossible because suitable replacement parts will not be invented until 1947. However, I've gotten quite adept at shoeing horses and fixing wagons.

I have buried the DeLorean in the abandoned Delgado Mine, adjacent to the Old Boot Hill Cemetery, as shown on the enclosed map. Hopefully, it should remain undisturbed and preserved until you uncover it in 1955. Inside, you will find repair instructions. My 1955 counterpart should have no problem repairing it so that you can drive it back to the future. Once you have returned to 1985, destroy the time machine.

Do not — I repeat — do not attempt to come back here to get me. I am perfectly happy living in the fresh air and wide-open spaces, and I fear that unnecessary time travel only risks further disruption of the space-time continuum. And please take care of Einstein for me. I know that you will give him a good home. Remember to walk him twice a day, and that he only likes canned dog food. These are my wishes; please respect them and follow them.

And so Marty, I now say farewell and wish you Godspeed. You've been a good, kind, and loyal friend to me, and you've made a real difference in my life. I will always treasure our relationship and think on you with fond memories, warm feelings, and a special place in my heart.

Your friend in time,

"Doc" Emmett L. Brown.

September 1, 1885.

  Marty apologizes for the whole thing and letting Biff get to him, though Doc points out that there's worse places to end up then the old west. Though I beg to differ, in fact let's see how he is right now.

Yeah Marty and Doc might just want to make a pitstop before going back. The two blow up the sealed off mine and on the way down Doc recounts how reading the works of Jules Verne was what inspired him to take up the path of Science. The two find the Time Machine (amazingly still intact and not rusted away to a pile of scrap despite being in a dank cave for 70 years 2 months and 13 days) and the instructions to repair it. The two get a tow truck to get the Time Machine out as Doc gushes over his eventual retirement in the Old West when his dog Copernicus notices something.

 Marty sees it and screams out for Doc, they found Doc's Tombstone where he died September 7th 1885, shot in the back by Buford Tannen over a matter of 80 dollars. Erected in eternal memory by his beloved Clara Yep looks like the Spacetime continuum is still being a vindictive dick to these two one week after writing the letter the local Tannen killed him.

 The two then head for the Library and look up info on Tannen, who apparently was given the nickname "Maddog" due to his short temper and tendency to drool. However they can't find anything past 1884 due to Tannen shooting an editor who wrote an unfavorable story on him. They do find however evidence of Marty's family but no Browns. Doc says that historically his family wouldn't arrive in Hill Valley until 1908 when they were known as the Von Brauns. They find a picture of Future Doc on September 5th proving everything that's going to happen, so Marty decides to back to save him.

 The next day the Time Circuits are fixed and Marty's disguised as a circus clown to go back and save Doc.

Wait that's supposed to be his old west outfit?

You know it's  pretty damn sad when this guy looks like he could fit in 1885 better then Marty. 

Doc reassures him that this is what everybody wears in westerns. Not sure what western he's seen well no choice but to take his word I guess. So the Time Machine is all gassed up, Marty's future clothes are packed, fresh batteries for the walkie talkie and the Hoverboard is packed along too. Doc tells him that their location is wide open unsettled terrain and that there's a cave nearby that should be perfect for storing the Time Machine, all Marty has to do is get to 88mph and the rest is up to him. Marty is concerned about hitting the indians on the wall but Doc just tells him to think 4th dimensionally as soon as he hits 88mph he'll be back in time and the indians won't even be there. So Marty hits 88mph and avoids crashing into the indians on the wall, only to nearly crash into real ones! Ah the Time Space continuum is so wacky.

 Marty just barely manages to avoid them and makes his way to the cave, however he discovers two problems, one an arrow managed to pierce the fuel line and two the cave has a big Bear in it! He manages to get away but lost his boots in the process as well as falling down a slope and hitting his head on a fence near the McFly farm where his ancestor Seamus McFly takes him in to recuperate. That night he wakes up being tended to by his ancestor Maggie McFly where he introduces himself as Clint Eastwood. She then goes to take care of her baby boy, Marty's great grandfather William. Seamus shows up with dinner and asks how Marty ended up there and after Marty gives as much as he can and Seamus allows him to stay the night in the barn and will take him to the railroad tracks that lead into town as well as give him a hat.

 The next day Marty arrives at Hill Valley and once again explores the town, bewildered at the unfamiliarity of the setting. He makes his way to the saloon and asks for where Doc is when a certain thug comes a knock'n. Maddog Tannen and his gang who are also looking for Doc. After some shenanigans involving Michael Jackson and a spittoon Marty is nearly hung by Maddog at the construction site of the Courthouse where Doc saves him by shooting the rope hanging him with a super precise custom sniper-rifle. Tannen says Doc owes him 75 dollars for improperly shoeing his horse and 5 dollars for a destroyed bottle of Kentucky redeye whiskey.

 Doc says thats his problem since Tannen never paid him for the job anyway. Tannen however tells Doc to watch himself because one day he's going to get a bullet in his back. Afterwords Doc takes Marty back to his workshop where we'll pick up next time.

Back to the Future is owned by Robbert Zebecks, Bob Gale, Stephen Spielberg, Amblin Entertainment  and Universal Studios.
One Million Ways to Die in the West is owned by Seth McFarland, Fuzzy DoorProductions, Media Rights Capital, Bluegrass Films and Universal Pictures.
Ultima IX: Ascension is owned by Electronic Arts, Origin Systems, and Richard Garriot AKA Lord British.
Super Sentai is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.

Movie Review: Back To the Future Part 3: No George, I am your Son!

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Marty tries to get George and Loraine together during lunch and in the process finds that George has aspirations of writing sci-fi and proves that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when George has the exact same words of doubt and hesitation towards his writing as Marty does about his music. George points out that maybe Biff would be a better match as he points out Biff accosting her which of course sets Marty off to stop it, the two are about to fight but when Biff sees Strickland he backs off. George finally breaks down after Marty's stalked him enough and tells him that he's not going to the dance and that there's nothing on this planet that's going to get him to change his mind. So after some shenanigans involving the Hazmat suit, Van Halen and some good old fashioned breaking and entering George is all on board for asking Marty's help in getting Loraine to go to the dance with him.

 Though Marty suggests leaving out the part that George has to take her or else Darth Vader from the Planet Vulcan will melt his brains if he doesn't take her. Girls don't typically go for guys that say stuff like that.

So George tries but is once again stopped by Biff. Marty trips Biff which gets his attention. After Marty gets him with the old "Look over there" trick and decks him Marty ends up getting chased around the town square by Biff and his goons in their car while Marty leads them on a makeshift Skateboard. The chase ends not only with him unfortunately stoking the flames of love for Loraine for him but also causes Biff to crash his car into a Manure truck.

 Back at the lab Doc is going over the footage of the Test and discovers the part where Future Doc notices the Libyans. But the footage cuts off before he can see what happened, Marty tries to tell him what happened but Doc is insistent that he not learn what happens since nobody should have access to future knowledge or know too much about their own destiny and that if one knows too much about their own future they could endanger their own existence just as Marty has.

Besides future knowledge can lead anyone to disaster whether their intentions are good or not if it's mishandled. Especially if put in the hands of a complete and utter tool written by people who wouldn't know the first thing about competent storytelling even if they got step by step instructions from Joseph Campbell himself much-less time travel.

Anyway Doc shows Marty the plan for the 12th. He'll set up some electrical cable at the top of the clock tower and when the lighting strikes the current will run down the cable which is run between two street lamp posts. Before hand Marty will already be driving down the street at 88 MPH and when the lightning hits Marty will already be driving underneath the cables, the lightning will run down the cable and down a metal hook which is connected directly into the Flux Capacitor and send him back to 1985. After the less then confidence building demonstration Doc asks how Marty's progressing with setting up his parents. He gets his answer when Loraine shows up and asks Marty to the Enchantment under the sea dance, that answer being "a work in progress".

 Marty then runs a plan by George later telling him how he'll help him sweep Loraine off her feet. She wants a man who will stand up for himself and his girl so they just have to make him look like well anyone other then George McFly. The plan goes as thus; Marty will stage a rape, George will show up and knock his ass out and then she'll be putty in his hands and by god does this make me feel unclean as I type this. Though probably not as much as Marty does thinking this plan I mean this is his FUTURE MOTHER for gods sake! George is scared as hell but Marty tells him to have confidence and that if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.

 The night of the Dance/Lightning storm Doc is finishing setting up the experiment and is nervous about the weather and if the lighting really will happen. Marty tries to tell Doc about the Future but he again shuts him down saying that what's going to happen will happen and that future knowledge could backfire no matter the intention. So Marty decides to write Doc a letter detailing his death and warns him to take whatever precautions to prevent it with the words "Do not open until 1985" on the outside of the envelope and he slips the letter into Doc's jacket pocket once he's distracted. Later at the Dance the Band Marvin Berry and the Star-lighters are playing, George is there as the wall flower and Marty and Loraine are pulling up to the big shindig.

 Marty asks if they can park and Loraine is all for it. Like she's never parked before, so yeah finding out your teenage mother slept around in high school and used to drink like a camel and smoke like a chimney on top of that, this has not been a good week for Marty McFly. Loraine has had enough of Marty's pussy footing around and starts making out with him.

 But the Big Z is going to hold out on that since Loraine stops half way saying that it feels wrong, like when she kisses him, it's like kissing her brother. Before things can calm down Marty hears knocking on the car door and opens it thinking it's George but nope it's Biff and his goons piss ass drunk and looking for payback. Biff spots Loraine in the car and tells his goons to take care of Marty while he has his way with Loraine. The three lock Marty in a near by trunk, which happens to belong to the band. They chase the goons off and when Marvin asks for the keys from a band-mate Marty unfortunately says that the keys are in the trunk with him.

 George heads down to the car and on queue sees the car shaking and opens it expecting to see Marty but finds Biff trying to rape Loraine. Biff tells George to walk away but George tells him to leave her alone. Biff retaliates by grabbing George's arm and tries to break it. Meanwhile Marty gets free but Marvin slices his hand in the process of trying to pick the lock of the trunk. Loraine tries to stop Biff but is knocked down; as Biff laughs George focuses all of his anger, all of his courage and knocks Biff on his ass with one punch.

"Wait he didn't blow up from that? Maybe you should just keep it that way, trust me.".

 With Biff out cold George asks if Loraine is okay; she nods and the two walk off together to the gym. However the picture of his siblings still shows them fading away and so Marty runs off to find out what went wrong. Meanwhile Doc finishes setting up the experiment but notices that it's 9:30 and the storm is brewing. Marty heads to the band which can't play since Marvin sliced his hand unless of course they can find a new guitar player. Thanks Plot Convenience Fairy! The band starts to play "Earth Angel" when Marty sees George being pushed aside by some guy who tries to dance with Loraine.

 Marty then collapses in pain as he starts to become transparent and collapses seeing that he's starting to fade in the picture. With his last breath he silently calls out to George who then shoves the bully to the ground and then gives Loraine a deep passionate kiss. With that act their future together is set bringing Marty back before he faded away completely. He then checks the photo and sees that his brother and sister are restored as well, and with that his future is saved.

 Marty tries to leave but can't pass up the chance to show off his guitar skills I mean it's not like he's on a time crunch or anything right? SCHMUCK! So he sticks around to do a cover of "Johnny B Goode" which goes over so well with the crowd Marvin calls his cousin Chuck to take a listen. However Marty goes overboard with a rock-out and leaves the audience more then a bit flummoxed. So he leaves after seeing George and Loraine off with a bit of advice to go easy on their son after he accidentally sets fire to the living room rug.

 Marty barely manages to make it back to the clock tower in time to catch the lightning. He tells Doc that he was impressed by George since he never stood up to Biff before in his life. Doc ignores it and sets the destination time for the exact time Marty left 1985 and gives him the instructions to drive down to the starting line and the punch it when the alarm clock goes off and gives his goodbyes. However he finds the letter Marty left in his coat pocket and tears it up rejecting the responsibility. However Karma strikes Marty can tell him what happens as the cable disconnects from the top of the tower.

 They manage to get the cable up but Marty has only 4 minutes left so he has no choice but to head to the starting position, Marty realizes he has a Time Machine and changes the Time Circuits to 10 minutes before he left 1985 which should give him enough time to get to the mall and warn Doc. Long story short he makes it back to 1985 and runs back to the Lone Pine mall but is too late to save Doc, after this universes Marty goes back to 1955 and the Libyans are knocked out Marty rushes over to Docs body. However Doc was wearing a Bulletproof vest, it turns out he taped the letter back together and found out what happened. Marty asks what happened to all the "I must not know too much about my own future" crap, and Doc figured "what the hell".

 Doc drives Marty back home and tells him he's going ahead 30 years into the future. He gives his goodbyes and drives off. Marty then crashes on his bed and thinks it was all a dream. He wakes up and finds that his house and his family have completely changed, Linda has several boyfriends, Dave is working at an office which requires him to wear a suit, George is a successful sci-fi novelist and Loraine is thin, sober and happy as hell. And thanks to George standing up to Biff, he's now the McFlys personal grease monkey and completely subservient to George.

 On top of that in this timeline Marty also has,

 just as Marty's about to take Jennifer for a ride Doc shows up with he DeLorean in a panic and starts throwing garbage into a device called Mr Fusion saying that Marty and Jen have to come with him since something has to be done about their kids. So our movie ends with Doc turning on the DeLorean's hover conversion and flying off to the future. Now I'll give my thoughts on the movies when I finish reviewing Part 3. That is if I can get them out in time, time I've got all the time in the world I'm reviewing something with a Time Machine. Okay, 20 days outta do it. Look forward to Part 2, eventually.

Back to the Future is owned by Robbert Zemeckis, Bob Gale, Stephen Speilberg, Amblin Entertainment  and Universal Studios.
Star Wars is created by George Lucas, owned by Lucas film, the Walt Disney Company and 20th Century Fox.
Star Trek  is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount Domestic Television, and CBS Television Distribution.
Final Fantasy 13-2 is owned by Square-Enix, Motomu Toriyama and Yoshinore Kitase.
Saturday Night live is  owned by Lorine Michaels, NBC Studios and Broadway Video.
One-Punch Man is owned by ONE, Viz Media and Shueisha.
The Price is Right is owned by Mark Goodson Television Production, Bob Stewart and FremantleMedia.

Movie Review: Back To the Future Part 2: SHE'S MY WHAT?!

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 Yep Marty gets slammed into 1955 and into the barn of Old Man Peabody, the man who previously owned the land the twin pines mall was built on. The crazy coot thinks Marty and the DeLorean are an alien and its spaceship respectively so he tries to shoot him. Marty manages to get away but not without crashing into one of Peabody's two pine trees. Marty then tries to get his barrings and starts to think it might all be a dream, but when he sees the developing site for his neighborhood he starts to realize that maybe when Doc says he built a Time Machine and saw it send Einstein one minute into the future and saw exactly how it works and has visual and audio evidence that maybe he actually did get sent back in time, way to come around butt-head.

 He tires to start the Delorean but a combo of a lack of gas and Plutonium means it ain't going any where so he ditches the Hazmat suit and hides the Delorean behind the sign advertising the eventual neighborhood and walks to Hill Valley. After some culture shock and whatnot Marty makes it to the Cafe and finds Doc's address from the phone-book and takes the page with him. He then decides to take a break by having a drink when a familiar scene plays out, he sees the younger version of his father being bullied into finishing Biffs homework. After giving the future mayor of Hill Valley some valuable ideas he chases after George.

 He catches up to him climbing a tree with a pair of binoculars and as his Mom and he will say he's bird watching. What he didn't tell her and by proxy Marty that he was specifically looking for a certain type of Bird.

BOOBIES! What? The blue footed ones are supposed to be in California and Hill Valley is in California, though why they would be in a residential area so far inland is beyond me but then again that would probably be all the more rare to find them.

 Yeah he's a Peeping Tom, though George I know a way to get your jollies without getting caught, with a little help from our friends at Ryan Industries.

 Not only that but you'll never have to worry about Biff again with this little guy. Sure it might cause you to go Bat Squeak insane but then again hey I've seen what happens later and trust me you'll need all the help you can get Georgie boy. But George falls and is about to get hit by a car when Marty jumps in the way and saves him taking the hit himself. He wakes up in the room of a girl by the name of Loraine Banes who thinks that Marty's name is Calvin Kline since she saw the name all over his underwear, when she took his pants off, and put him in her bed and left said pants on her hope-chest.

 Yep Marty is more then a little terrified by this situation, thankfully the sounds of his future Grandma calling for dinner breaks up the situation. After Marty gets the directions for Doc's place he makes tracks avoiding the lustful eyes of the teenage version of his mother.

 So he finally makes it to Doc and explains his situation. However Past Doc doesn't believe him shock of all shocks and Marty doesn't make his case any better when Doc asks who the President is in his time and Marty says it's Ronald Reagan. But Marty finally gets Doc to listen when he recounts how Doc got the bruise on his head and the inspiration for the Flux Capacitor. He then takes Doc to the Time Machine and when he sees the Flux Capacitor and compares it to his sketch he's convinced and joins Marty's efforts to send him back to 1985. Marty hooks up the Video Camera to the TV and shows Past Doc the experiment recordings and when he sees the footage of Future Doc explaining that the Time Circuits needs 1.21 gigawatts of electricity to work he flips out and asks his picture of Thomas Edison where he's going to get that kind of power?

Well Doc I have a suggestion but it'll require a trip to New Jersey, a die hard fan of Edison and someone trained in hunting ghosts that doesn't operate out of a green van or works with a Great Dane.

 He says that the only thing that can generate that much power is either Plutonium which is impossible to come by here or a bolt of lightning which they can't predict will happen. Except Marty pulls out the add for the Clock Tower and they see that on November 12 the Hill Valley Lightning storm will happen and a bolt of lightning will hit the Clock Tower at precisely 10:04 PM! So with this they can make preparations to send Marty back to the future!

 However when Doc asks if Marty has interacted with anyone that day he mentions that he met the past versions of his parents Doc asks to see the picture of Marty and his brother and Sister and sure enough Dave's head is gone. Since Marty saved George from being hit by Loraine's Dad's car she never fell in love with him; the two never got together and thus their children including Marty are being slowly erased from history. So now before he goes back home he has to make sure he exists first, that might be helpful. The next day the two stake out the high school and find George.... unfortunately. Marty tries to set George and Loraine up but she's only got eyes on Marty, Doc figures the two only got together in the first place due to the Florance Nightingale effect. So now they have to get the two together in a different way and thankfully Marty remembers that the two are supposed to kiss during the enchantment under the sea dance on the same night of the thunderstorm.

Tune in next time where we see Marty play Mr Match Maker.

Back to the Future is owned by Robbert Zemeckis, Bob Gale, Stephen Speilberg, Amblin Entertainment  and Universal Studios. 
Bioshock Infinite is owned by Ken Levine, Irrational Games, 2K Games amd Take-Two Interactive.
Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT is owned by Funnimation, Toei animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama.
Dragonball Z abridged is owned by Team Four Star. 
Ace Ventura Pet Detective is owned by Tom Shadyac, Morgan Creek Productions, and Warner Bothers Studios.
Kamen Rider is owned by Ishinomori Productions, Toei Productions, and Bandai.
Family Guy is owned by Seth Mcfarline, 20th century fox television, Fuzzy door Productions and Fox Television animation.