Monday, March 27, 2017

Video Game Review: Top 10 Worst Video Game Sequels I've seen so far: Part 2

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Ceaser is pissed off at these sequels.
 Alright we've seen some notoriously bad sequels in the last list and there were some good things to say about them. For example I hated the gameplay of X6 but the music was still good, and Kingdom Hearts Recoded was much better as a movie then a game. But these next four, no quarter given, in my opinion these are some of the worst sequels I've seen and played.

#4 Devil May Cry 2

 As I mentioned in my best sequels list I'm not a long time fan of the series and the only reasons I checked it out was because Dante and Lady were in Project X Zone, I fought Dante in SMT Nocturne, and the HD collection was on sale so I figured why not. The first game was ok but I was still wondering why everyone loved Dante so much. From what I saw it was decent but not as good as God of War which I've been a fan of since the first game. My opinion of the series didn't improve once I got to Devil May Cry 2. What little personality Dante had was just gone, there was no banter between him and the bosses and we got a secondary lead who was boring, had a clone backstory that went almost nowhere and the gameplay just took a giant dump. 

 Thank whoever is up there for me giving Devil May Cry 3 a chance because when I finished the first fight in that game it all suddenly made complete sense. For me Devil May Cry was like the Original Evil Dead trilogy except Evil Dead 2 was far better then the first and Devil May Cry 2 sucked like a black hole. In both cases thankfully I made it to the third installment because now I know and am so waiting till I can finally get to Devil May Cry 4 and let's play that sucker. Though I do have more games on my to do list before I get to that, but rest assured I will play that game. Also for everyone who whined about DMC, I see where you're coming from but 1 it's an alternate universe and 2 trust me it's not the worst in the franchise that to me will always be Devil May Cry 2 until I see otherwise.

 #3 Assassins Creed 3

 I believe that with this one I barely have to explain myself but the might as well anyway. Assassins Creed 3 right after the conclusion to Ezio's story in Revelations gives us one of the most boring protagonists in the series, Conner Kenway. Even worse they teased us with the first two sequences instead having us play as Conner's far more interesting and entertaining father Haytham. Though admittedly the twist of him actually being a Templar was handled pretty well in my opinion and the fact that we have to kill the people that we've come to know (for the most part) kind of makes it more personal especially since unlike the previous groups of Templars Haytham's order do seem to care about protecting the Colonies. But their methodology is more then a tad questionable because we need to have our conflict somehow.

 Also back in the worst parts of these games AKA the modern segments we get a whole new dimension of annoyance with Desmond in the form of his fucking daddy issues. 
 I'm not even kidding with that joke, just like in Evangelion Desmond shoves his daddy issues all over the place which are kind of small potatoes when you know THE END OF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON DESMOND FINDING WHERE CONNOR HID THE KEY TO THE TENPLE SO THEY CAN SAVE THE WORLD! Though at least this was only early on and they did reconcile so it's not as bad as it could have been. Also the game at least killed Desmond off so we don't have to follow his boring chosen one ass for the rest of the franchise. 

 At least we now just have Shawn and Rebecca to deal with, at least they both have something resembling personalities that we can get behind. Also Assassins Creed 3 still had the multiplayer which while still fun still had Micro transactions which is never fine for me in a $60 game. Though there was the Tyranny of King Washington DLC which had an incredibly goofy premise and cranked it up to 11 with it giving Conner super duper Native American super powers. Thankfully we had Assassins Creed 4 after this because if we had another boring romp with Conner I would have jumped ship long before the dual release of Unity and Rogue.

#2 Banjo Kazooie Nuts and Bolts

 Do I even have to say anything?!  You all know why this would eventually make the list I don't even need to go over it. But I have to at least fill in 2 paragraphs for these entries so here it goes. Everyone who grew up with an N64 at least heard about Banjo Kazooie and how they were fun colorful platform games. We were teased with a third game in at the end of Banjo Tooie but aside from some GBA spin offs there was nothing for years, especially after Rare was bought out by MICROSOFT! "Spit"

 But then we heard that there was going to be a brand new Banjo Kazooie game for the 360 we were over the moon. But then it was released and all our hope turned into despair faster then you can say "I was stupid, so damn stupid" and BAM Banjo Kazooie Nuts and bolts was unleashed onto the world. I of course never played it but you didn't even need to play it to know that you don't take a beloved platform game and turn it into a FUCKING BUILD YOUR OWN CAR RACER GAME!? That just doesn't make any sense from either a game design perspective or a brand loyalty perspective. Why in the wide wide world of sports would somebody think "hey we have this beloved platformer IP that people have been begging for a sequel to, let's make it into a goddamn Lego racing game that bitterly insults the fans and mechanics of the two games that made it so beloved!" 

 I mean if this was its own IP people would never have had this big of a fan revolt that wouldn't be matched until the ending to Mass Effect 3. But nope Rare was owned by MICROSOFT "spit" and so owned by their new overlords they took the name of Banjo Kazooie and ran it over their Gummi Ship knock off monster truck. Thankfully the people who were really responsible for Banjo Kazooie being the success that it was broke away from; them, founded their own company and have created a brilliant looking spiritual successor Yooka-Layle which is on its way very, very soon. (Which I personally backed on Kickstarter and yes I will begin a Let's Play of that lovely little game as soon as I possibly can!) So in a way we can be a bit thankful to Nuts and Bolts because without this flaming turf we wouldn't have Yooka-Layle to look forward too. So thank you Nuts and Bolts, now never bother us again. Now before I get to #1 some dishonorable mentions.

Assassins Creed Bloodlines.

 Shitty little PSP game that tries to explain some elements of how Altaïr hid the Apple of Eden on Cypress and was overall unnecessary and graphically repulsive. The only reason anyone would have to play this was to unlock weapons in Assassins Creed 2. Nothing else to say but OH UBISOFT!

Final Fantasy X-2

 Takes place after an ok Final Fantasy story and takes two of of the characters plus a new characters and basically makes them into Angsty vapid and poorly written clones of Cutie Honey. While the combat and dresssphere system is interesting, the plot can get stupid and for those who want to 100% this game the monster collection mini game is one of the most tedious obsessive compulsive tasks I have ever seen. Those who have played this game on the PS3, 4 or Vita know exactly what I'm talking about.

 Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days.

 Aside from having one of the dumbest titles I've ever read for a video game, just like the other Kingdom Hearts DS game is just ok. The gameplay is better then Coded, it's story is actually relevant by showing Roxas' time with Organization 13, explaining why he left in the first place and  showing how he and Axel became good buddies. And just like Coded this games events are cannon so it's unskippable  and it's events have been made into a clip-show/ movie so you don't have to search Amazon for a copy, so no muss no fuss. But as bad as these previous entries was this is still nothing compared to what I consider the worst sequel I have ever encountered!

 #1 The Legend of Zelda, Phantom Hourglass.

 Each of the previous games have their own unique flavors of horrible. From Nuts and Bolt's betrayal of the classic games that made them a household name to Final Fantasy 13's misguided and horribly confused design, but nothing on this list pisses me off more then Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass. Just like Assassins Creed 3 PH comes right after my favorite Legend of Zelda game, Wind Walker which I loved even back when it first came out when everybody else was pissing and moaning about how "kiddy" it looked. When I learned about there being a continuation of that continuity (this was back before I learned how messed up the Zelda timeline was; btw at that point the only Zelda games I played and finished were OOT and Majora's Mask) I picked it up right away. Then a few hours later I put it down and never picked it up again to this day.

 That's right of all the bad games I've played I at the very least try to finish one play-through of it. Not so with Phantom Hourglass, this is one of the very few games that I just gave up on and never looked back on. That comes down to three things. First was the graphics, now I know that going from the GameCube to the DS I knew there would be some kind of a graphical downgrade but wow the graphics for this game were bad. Everyone looked like they were made of Legos and there was little to no expression on their faces aside from their default faces.

 Number 2, the controls were awful. Now when you have a directional pad on your portable console you would at first think that you would use it to move your character. But not in this pile of puke, no no you needed to move Link with the DS touchscreen and Stylus and making such a dramatic change to the controls especially for an established platformer did not win points with me. But that leads me to the biggest problem with Phantom Hourglass, THE TEMPLE OF THE OCEAN KING!!! Oh by the Emperors magnificent golden lazy boy did that place become my personal purgatory. 

 See every time you defeat a boss you have to back to this place every single time, go through every single floor just to get to the new floor to progress in the story and I repeat you have to go through every single floor in this place every single time to progress through the game. It was when I realized that fact and found seemingly no way to mediate this problem I for the first time in my memory, gave up the game and never played it again. This game along with the horrid controls for Skyward Sword have basically caused me to give up on the Legend of Zelda franchise, a franchise that I was only a very casual fan of to begin with. So that is why Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass is the worst video game sequel I've ever encountered, it took a franchise that everyone said was a seminal classic and turned it into an overrated and overhyped mess. Does anyone else have their own sequel that's worse then this? Then leave it in the comments below and make your case. Now if you'll excuse me I have a good sequel to play to cleanse my palate of this horrible trip down memory lane.

Devil May Cry is owned by Capcom and Hideki Kamiya.
Assassins Creed 3 is owned by Ubisoft, Patrice Désilets, Jade Raymond and Corey May.
Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts is owned by Microsoft Game Studios and Rare.
The Legend of Zelda is owned by Nintendo & Shigeru Miyamoto
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is owned by 20th Century Fox