Monday, October 26, 2015

Movie Review: Back To the Future Part 1: Stand Idol Season 2.

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 Ah Back to the Future, what other descriptor for this movie can there be other then timeless? Describing the importance and cultural significance of this trilogy would just be insulting and undermining it so I'm not even going to bother. All I'll say is that if you haven't seen these three movies I don't even want to know you. You should go and watch it is what I'm getting at here, hell there should be a 30th anniversary collection coming soon so yeah best chance to get it. But if you're too lazy or cheap well, here's some upstart on the internet making jokes at one of the best received movies ever made.

 We open on the many clocks in the garage laboratory of Doctor "Doc" Emmet Brown where his confidant Marty McFly comes in to check on Doc and his dog Einstein and as Doc's Rube Goldberg machine points out he's been gone for at least a week, most likely involving that case of stolen Plutonium he has squirreled away under his bed but that's just me. After Marty nearly shatters his eardrums using Doc's gigantic amplifier he gets a call from Doc telling him to meet him at the Twin Pines mall that night around 1:00. All the clocks then go off as Doc is excited that his experiment worked, he set all the clocks to go off precisely 25 minutes late, so it isn't 8:00 it's 8:25 and that means Marty's late for school. Which begs the question, did Marty know what time it was when he left his home, I mean all he had to do was look at the freaking clock and he would have at least had an idea that the clocks at Doc's lab were off, or did he spend more time at Doc's place then we're shown? Does he even have a watch or something I mean come on!

 So Marty makes it to school and despite help from his girlfriend Jennifer he still gets caught by the school's disciplinarian Mr Strickland who to add insult to injury tells Marty that he shouldn't even bother entering the Battle of the Bands contest since he's too much like his old man and that no McFly has amounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley, the American educational system ladies and gentleman! Try to be someone with their own aspirations, fuck you you stupid Slifer slacker! Marty replies that history's about to change, oh dude like you wouldn't believe! At the contest he and his band, The Pinheads play and well, the judges think they're just too darn loud and get the boot. But eh those guys wouldn't know good music if Weird Al was right in front of them so let me get some of my own judges to give their two cents.
I, Dio declare that Mr McFly has the musical skill, rrrrrrrrange and rrrrrrrrrepertoire of a dying cat. I Dio have heard music, and that good sir was not music. That was the mmmm orgasmic last breath of an entire music store being crushed by a Steamroller. So if you would be so kind as to crawl into the nearest hole and stay there until you draw your last breath the world will thank you.
 Fair enough, now for our second judge.
Yo Lord Dio, that was harsh dawg like straight up brutal but hey that's how ma boss Lord Dio rolls; he don't give a fuck he'd fuck all ya'll punk ass' up! Listen Marty mah boy, yo yah got somethin there man I hear you and I see that ya'll got potential dawg. Now look at me, I didn't start in this business the way I is now. Ya'll got a long way up but shit son do I see ya'll there screaming like mah boy Rocky calling out that bitch ass red Drago. I see ya'll goin places wigger, so ya'll need some advice ya'll go gets the Ice. Peace!
 Very kind and reassuring of you Mr Ice, now for our guest judge.
Oh my god she's eating one of the stagehands.... again; somebody get the stun gun!!!
 Um, anyway Marty isn't taking the rejection well despite Jen reminding him of what Doc said that if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything. But Marty still has his doubts but is reminded by Jen of their little, get-together tomorrow night at the lake. You know what I mean.
  But the mood is wrecked by an old woman asking for donations trying to save the Courthouse Clock-tower which is planed to be repaired by Mayor Gold Wilson since the clock-tower was struck by lighting in 1955 and hasn't moved since. Marty gives her a quarter and gets a flyer which is a copy of the news article describing the incident. Jen's Dad shows up to pick her up so she writes the phone number of where she'll be on the back underneath three little words " I love you".

 As Marty heads home he finds the last thing he needed, the family's car wrecked and his dad George's boss Biff Tannen telling him that because he was driving the car and wrecked it George's insurance should cover it. Now if I were in George's shoes; since Biff clearly admitted he was drinking while driving the car I'd threaten to take him to court for not only the damage to my car but also slander for lying that the car had a blind-spot and sue him for not only damages but for anything else me and my legal team could squeeze out of him. But of course since George is a complete whenis he folds like a cheap suit and acquiesces to all of Biffs demands including filling out all of Biffs reports before his deadline so he can have them retyped. After Biff leaves Marty is quite surprised George is able to stand up since he clearly doesn't have a spine! George just says that Biff is his supervisor and just isn't good with confrontations, Duke if you don't mind?
 Later at dinner we get to see a better glimpse of Marty's family life, his dad is a Milquetoast, his brother Dave (no relation) is working in fast food, his sister is essentially Meg Griffin and his mother Loraine is a miserable drunken lush. Eventually the situations leads to Loraine explaining about how she ended up with what most people think when they think an adult Shinji Akari, her dad accidentally hit George with his car back in 1955 when he fell out of a tree while "bird-watching" so she took care of him and just kind of fell for him and how helpless he was, later they kissed at the Enchantment Under the sea Dance and the rest is history. Later that night Marty gets a call from Doc telling him to swing by his place, get his video-camera and meet him at the Twin Pines mall. Marty arrives and finds a Truck with Doc's company name on it and Einstein, Marty asks the dog where Doc is and the truck opens and unveils one of the greatest vehicles in Movie History, the Time Machine.
  Marty starts rolling as Doc gives the details of his experiment, first he puts Einstein in the car and notes that his and Einstein's digital clocks are in perfect synchronization, then using a remote control drives the car a good few feet away from him and Marty.  Next he starts to rev the car and have it gain speed in the rear wheels before he lets it go, and if his calculations are correct; when that baby hits 88 mph, they're gonna see some serious shit. And sure enough they do, as when the DeLorean hit 88 mph it teleports away in a flash of light at precisely 1:20 AM and 0 seconds. Long story short Einstein became the worlds first time traveler! And one minute later the DeLorean does indeed reappear completely intact though with notable layers of ice around it, though it does melt quickly apparently the time-space continuum is very cold.

 Inside they find Einstein and his clock is precisely one minute behind Doc's showing that the trip was instantaneous. Now for a rundown of how it works, first you pull the lever near the stick to turn on the Time Circuits, the red readout tells you where you're going, the green one tells you when you are and the yellow one tells you where you've been and all you have to do is input the destination time on the dial pad next to the readout. Like for example 07041776 for the signing of the Declaration of Independence, 12250000 to see the birth of Christ, or a very personal date for Doc 11051955. Why is it so personal, that was the day he invented time travel, he was standing on the edge of his toilet hanging his clock when he slipped, fell and banged his head on the edge of the sink and when he came to he had a vision in his head and drew this.
The Flux Capacitor, the device that makes Time Travel possible.
 Afterwords he reflects on how much had changed since that day and Marty asks what the Time Machine runs on, it turns out it's Plutonium. But it isn't nuclear it's electrical the Plutonium is needed for the nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 gigawatts needed to fuel the Flux Capacitor. Doc then says that he got the Plutonium by tricking a group of Libyan Nationalists, he said he'd use it to build them a bomb but he just gave them a bomb shell filled with used Pinball Machine parts. Wow talk about grey morality there chief. After they pun on Radiation suits and insert more Plutonium into the fusion reactor in the back of the DeLorean Doc is ready to go and explore the space-time continuum and head 25 years into the future, maybe find out who wins the next 25 world series?

 Doc almost forgot to bring extra Plutonium but just as Doc is about to pack the Plutonium the Libyans he screwed over find him and gun him down. They nearly kill Marty but their gun jams giving Marty time to get in the DeLorean and try to get away. While the chase is going on Marty accidentally activates the Time Circuits and when he reaches 88 mph he gets sent back to November 5th 1955 since Doc didn't change the destination coordinates and Marty crashes into a barn.

 Actually Homer, you're the third. Come back next time where we see Marty's reactions to his new surroundings and the wacky shenanigans that await.

Back to the Future is owned by Robbert Zemeckis, Bob Gale, Stephen Speilberg, Amblin Entertainment  and Universal Studios. 
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is propriety of Hirohiko Araki, David Production, Tokyo MX, Warner Bros Entertainment and Viz Media.
Puella Magi Homura Tamura is owned by Magica Quartet, Afro and Yen Press.
Duke Nukem is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games.
The Simpsons are owned by Matt Groening, Gracie Films, and 20th Century Fox Television.