Sunday, August 3, 2014

Movie Review Sharknado 2: The Second One: Do I even need to be here?

Oh Sharknado 2, what to do, what to do, what to do? How does one even describe something as awesomely gloriously stupid as this franchise? I don’t know but here goes nothing. There is a tornado; it is filled with sharks that want to eat anything like Gluttony from FMA after a fasting diet and there are some bad actors and silly in-joke cameos that want to stop the sharks, hijinks ensue. Now to actually talk about this movie, well first off you can just throw logic out the window with a bomb tied to its back riding a clown car folks. In the first ten minutes, we have a surfer with no fight experience land a commercial aircraft, with one destroyed engine, in a thunderstorm filled with sharks onto JFK with little to no difficulty. Why, because he has main character powers that’s why!


Silly bad movies like this only come around once in a blue moon, when the planets are aligned just right and the dark lords open the gates of hell for just one brief second to deliver something like this movie. Sharknado 2 takes everything that was good in the first one, what little there was, and injects it with two needles of adrenaline while forcing it to watch every single Nick Cage freak out scene in history. This belongs in the realm of legendary bad movies, like Troll 2, Winters Tale, Dungeons and Dragons, anything involving Uwe Boll and anything else spawned by the asylum. If I haven’t made this clear as crystal, grim as the grave more in your face then your own nose, see this movie and see it soon!

Oh, before I forget, there is a Sharknado 3 on its way next year. I’m willing to bet it takes place in Chicago. I know that it is geographically impossible for Sharks to be near the Great Lakes but, WHO CARES,
TORNADO THAT IS FILLED WITH SHARKS THAT HAVE ATTAINED SENTIENCE! ARGUMENT INVALID!
 Hell it won’t stop there, who wants to bet we’ll get Sharknados in cities around the world? Sharknados in London, Dubai, Tokyo Moscow, Cairo, Dublin, take your pick, you name a city you can bet your kids life-savings that there will be a Sharknado in that city!

Sharknado 2: The Second One is propriety of The Asylum and the Syfy channel.
The Tick: The Animated Series is propriety of  Hank Tucker, Sunbow Entertainment, Graz Entertainment, Fox Children’s Productions and Disney Media Distribution